The Moped Diaries

We have survived two nights under canvas so far and the one word which keeps screaming in my head is WHY??? Why would anyone want to sleep in what resembles a large, complicated plastic bag? We arrived at the first camp site late, in the dark and in the rain and the temperature made Bermuda seem like a cold spell (we’re at the coast in Peru). However, after a brief training session we are now experts in tent construction and we are currently camped on a beach with dolphins swimming past.

The group we are traveling with are all gringo, hippy dropouts so we fit right in. There’s even someone here who used to work in Bermuda! – you just can’t escape the place!!

This internet cafe we are in is interesting – the walls are made of bamboo, the roof is corrugated tin and the keyboard is full of sand (the keys grind and stick!). We’re off to the jungle in a few days and have already been warned about THAT fish that swims in the Amazon (there’ll be no peeing in the river).

We´ve now arrived at the town of Banos which is located somewhat foolishly on the slopes of a very active volcano. On the drive here I couldn´t help noticing the large plume of disturbing smoke emenating from the summit. On arrival at the hotel we were given a leaflet with useful instructions including “The emergency siren may activate…” and “If ash is falling…”. We found the upside, however, after discovering a spa after a long hike in the mountains. We had thermal waters and a hot mud bath which has left deposits in places I never knew I had. I think we now have the smoothest body parts in Ecuador.

Unfortunately the luxury ends tomorrow as we have five night´s camping ahead of us. Let´s hope the thermarest mats haven´t sprung a leak.

This is our last day in Quito as we start the big journey tomorrow and I don’t know when we’ll be near civilisation next so who knows when the next blog entry will appear.

We’ll be leaving the Cobo household which is quite sad. Mrs. Cobo very kindly did some washing for us the other day. Unfortunately not all of our clothes came back! I suspect Mrs. Cobo may now be wearing a Marks & Spencer black lacy thong! (Dulcie may be missing some items too.)

Have you ever met someone who is so perfect you could happily kill them? There´s an American guy at our Spanish school who came over to chat with us and appeared very charismatic and witty (and good looking so Dulcie tells me). It turns out he has a masters degree in Electrical Engineering (well I can match that) but he didn´t find that fulfilling enough so he studied medicine and became a doctor. He´s here in Ecuador to brush up on his (already fluent) Spanish because in a couple of months he´s going to work in the Amazon treating tropical diseases. His hobbies include wood carving and (before any of you ladies start begging for his email address) he is now dating his beautiful latino Spanish teacher. Next week he´ll probably pull his Y-fronts over his trousers and fly off to Iraq to save the world. If I didn´t like him so much, I´d kill him.

We had our first hiking expedition this weekend with a 2 day trip into the Andes. The guide was bi-lingual, unfortunately, neither of his two languages appeared to be English so it was more extreme Spanish.

Day One – Cotopaxi Volcano Climb
I should have known we were in for trouble when I noticed that the enormous SUV that the guide picked us up in had an altimeter on the dashboard. My fears were confirmed when (after an hour of bum-numbing driving along roads that weren´t even worthy of the title “dirt track”) we arrived at the foot of the volcano and the altimeter was reading off the scale.

Ascending the volcano is easy. After putting on every item of clothing you´ve brought with you (it´s cold) you ascend by taking 5 steps up, 3 steps sliding back down the volcanic ash, get double vision, go all whoozy (as if you stood up too fast), gasp for air, rest for 2 minutes and repeat, all while the guide watches on giving words of encouragement. After a few million repititions we finally made it to “the refuge” at 4,800 meters. This is where the nutters who plan to make it to the summit spend the night and it was high enough for us. I was glad to see, however, that the guide (who had lost count of the number of times he´d been to the summit) was out of breath on the last stretch. Then again, he was carrying me.

Day Two – Quilota Crater Lake
We descended a steep path into a huge volcano crater which is now a lake (spectacular!). On the climb back out the guide refused to carry us this time so we decided to hire some local transport. Unfortunately, all the llamas were taken so we were left with a donkey and a mule. Dulcie insisted on having the mule (it looked a little stronger) so I was left with the donkey. It handled quite well despite the lack of a saddle, until we reached a steep bit and I nearly disappeared off the back end. It also had a nasty habit of backfiring – very unpleasant for Dulcie following behind me on the mule.

Here´s a picture Dulcie took of me clinging on while I try and overtake a herd of sheep.

We appear to have signed up for the osmosis Spanish course. Basically, Spanish is spoken at us and all around us [including the t.v. being on the local channel all the time] and we are expected to absorb this and spontaneously start speaking the lingo. After one week it appears to be working as I can now, with great confidence, order a beer, ask where the toliets are and announce in a clear voice [audible to the entire establishment] “No hablo mucho espanol”.

Mr & Mrs Cobo (the old couple we are staying with) are delightful. Mrs Cobo´s sole purpose in life appears to be feeding us (Dulcie feels as if she is being fattened up for some impending local ritual which involves the eating of a tourist) and Mr Cobo continually watches “futbol” (which is punctuated with Spanish swear words every time the cable connection goes faulty – which is about every five minutes). Mrs Cobo speaks a little English and Mr Cobo knows only one word – OUT – which is what he announces everytime he goes out for a smoke. I will certainly miss them.

For 25 cents in Quito you get to experience the ultimate thrill ride, known locally (and deceptively) as El Bus. This white knuckle adventure will be forever linked in my brain with intense BO, sardines and pure fear!! I´m convinced the driver used a neat corkscrew manouver to navigate one of the bends, yet the locals remained nonchalantly unfazed.

Fortunately now our lungs have expanded and we can make it up a flight of stairs without needing to call an ambulance. Here´s a picture of us at 4,100 metres with a breathtaking (literally) view.

I´m going to sign off this blog entry quickly as I´ve just noticed that the guy next to me in this internet cafe is logged on to hotjocks.com and I feel a little uncomfortable. I hope Dulcie comes back from the loo quick!!

We´ve arrived in Ecuador in one piece although our luggage took a bit of a beating (I think American Airlines dragged my bag down the runway on landing to kill the speed). Quito is a lovely city which has everything you could ask for,… except air! The slightest exertion (such as lifting a bottle of beer to my lips) leaves me gasping like an asthmatic geriatric after a three mile run.

We start the spanish lessons tomorrow so expect all future entries on the blog to be in fluent espanol. Hasta manana!!

The laws of relativity state that the fabric of space-time can only be warped by extremely large objects such as planets and stars. Dulcie and her bag, however, have joined the ranks of Dr. Who and his Tardis in disproving this theory and managing to cram three and a half month’s worth of stuff into a space which is actually smaller (I suppose this must be a skill honed to perfection through the use of handbags). Unfortunately now she can’t find anything in the bag and the zipper is under so much tension that eye protection needs to be worn when opening it in case a tooth breaks free and causes injury.

This will be the last entry from Bermuda as tomorrow we fly out to Quito, homeless, unemployed and still not sure how to conjugate the spanish verb “estar”.