It’s the environment, stupid

Here in the UK a popular method of finding work is via a ‘recruitment agency’. You registar your details with the agency and they suggest suitable work for you.

Once upon a time, after I had finished University I went along with my CV, I had had a few part time jobs before.  I registered and had a call very soon after telling me that there was a 2 weeks assignment in a leading local business. It was an admin position. So I dusted down the suit, and set of nice and early the next day to this promesing post. I arrived. Got sat down down at a little round table. Was told I had to sort throw a heap, now I mean a fucking mountains worth of paper/documents whatever the shit it was into a alphabetical order. The combined height of the load was taller than me. Shit I thought. Well I sat there like a twat all day making piles of ‘a’ of ‘b’ of ‘c’ etc. I did try my best at it. I wish the recruiter would have reminded me to bring a bottle of whisky and shotgun along.   I was given a cream bun at least by one of the staff who took pity on me.  Lots of things went through my mind, mostly about whether I should do a runner that day or simply not come back the next. I thought what nob has allowed so much paperwork to get in such a disorganised fashion. Or was it a ‘sympathy’ task to get me a bit of work. Whatever the answer I didnt and havent been back to that shithole.

I once registered with another agency, lets call them ‘reed’. They never got me any work. Alot of questions, alot of tests and generally alot of bull.

Now I find myself at a stage where I am dareing to reregistar once again with ‘the recruitment agency’. This is out of desperation. I need a job and need one fast. I have had a browse through the websites of a few agencies and usually come up with alot of crap. I registered for email job updates or something and get sent jobs for CEO positions or with job titles I never knew existed. Utter shit.

What happened to the days where you applied directly to a company from a newspaper. Where you knew what the terms were. Who knows why the ‘recruitment agency’ sprung up with such force as it has done the last 10 years. Is this the same in the United States, Europe, other countries?

Anyway, I found a post from another forum which sums up the situation nicely.,.. have a read——

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A NEW JOB IN THE PRESENT MESS IN BRITAIN READ THIS….

A Quick Analysis of ‘Specialist Recruitment Consultants’ and how to deal with Recruitment Agencies if you find yourself in the desperate position to actually have to use them and deal with their outright unprofessionalism and incompetence.

One

Commandeered by gobby lower-class loud-mouthed fat uneducated unintelligent females who don’t understand the area of work you are looking for e.g. Finance when they are working as a ‘Specialist Financial Consultant’. How can you have a recruiter working in accountancy and not knowing basic areas of accountancy such as Accounts Payable is? “What’s Accounts Payable?” she asks. If it’s not an overweight stupid thick cow, it’s ‘Slick Greasy Rick’ fresh into the role and all full of motivation to earn commission after being sacked from his former sales job for aggressive selling. Pathetic.

Two

They ring you up on a withheld number and insist on you coming into their office (even if you’re 100 miles away) yet when you arrive the point is not to see how you comport yourself, what you want or probe your cv further (which is what it is supposed to be about), it’s a case of them actually reading your cv properly and then realising they can’t help you anyway. A waste of time for both them and you. They have a penchant for you filling out loads of their unnecessary paperwork before they talk to you (wasting more time!). Everything that you write in the boxes on their pathetic forms is limited to information off your cv – so why on earth is your cv not good enough? Pathetic.

Three

They are also difficult people to deal with in a room i.e. they are naturally extroverted to the point of ego-maniacs, talk without listening, don’t listen, are most of the time tuned up to the eyeballs on cocaine, totally domineering, put on a silly style of voice to sound business-like and wear big silly pink ties with huge knots against a black shirt. Gelled hair is also common. With the girl recruitment consultants, its usually a BHS outfit and they often are eating something when you talk to them like a Greggs pasty because they don’t have any manners nor intelligence. Pathetic.

Four

They are never truthful. Why do they feel the need to talk lies to you for 10 minutes on a call, book an appointment with you over the telephone, tell you they will email you confirmation and then never email you? They aren’t professional enough to end the telephone conversation by saying ‘Sorry, I can’t help you’. Much of the time this is because they are incredibly disorganised workers, hence the minute they get off the phone with you, the phone rings again and by the time they’ve finished the call they’ve forgotten about your initial conversation. Pathetic.

Five

They try to “match” you to daft roles like Chief Financial Controller of Enron Corporation because they see you are studying the first year of the CIMA qualification! Hilarious! I had some fat silly cow insistent on putting me forward for a position as a Commercial Management Accountant for a small company post when I’ve never compiled returns or done a cash flow statement! On their own cv, “matching” is supposed to be one of their ‘key skills’ as the trendy and demented business/work words go however they don’t really get it…Some of them even “match” just on the premise of job title alone! If you’re title is ‘Finance Officer’ they then ring you up with ten jobs all with the title of ‘Finance Officer’, even if the actual responsibilities of the jobs are completely different. It really is all very pathetic. Much of these “mis-matchings” also comes from the pressure on recruitment ‘specialists’ to fill roles and look busy – in short ‘anybody might do’ in the back of their mind. Pathetic.

Six

In the good old days pre 2000 (I’m only 26 but remember it well) you could apply to companies direct. In the jobs newspaper there were adverts with actual company names and you applied to the HR facility within the company. These adverts have all disappeared and the situation now is a pathetic one, where every job advert is displayed only by recruitment agencies and so you have to deal with their pathetism and work for them! Lol. Almost everything is also on the internet, which is problematic because ALL the recruitment websites are incredibly poor and look like they have been developed by a child, and all you get now is 15 web pages at a time with the name Page Personnel on it and very suspicious advertised roles i.e. they are almost always very narrow roles and always with bad grammar and spelling mistakes, pretend Job descriptions/ Specs and no deadline date for applying. Don’t think the Job Centre will be your saving grace either – that place is just a vehicle for agencies these days. In short, everybody is stuck dealing with these pathetic incompetent recruitment firms, looking for a new demented job. Pathetic.

Seven

In short, their customer service is dreadful. They don’t understand the idea of needs – unless it’s their clients needs (i.e. the business they are recruiting on behalf of). When, as a ‘candidate’, you tell them that you want a particular salary per annum they always translate that to that figure or minus (up to) £5k, often much less. In the past I have had silly girls ringing me up offering me 3 month contracts for daft roles well below my “skills set” to use their pathetic terminology hundreds of miles away from where I live! I’ve even had one girl ask me if I was interested in a Customer Services Advisor role because I worked a job like that 7 years ago! Ridiculous. They also don’t realise that most people are desperate to escape their demented office job (99% of modern jobs) and so plan a budget based on the lowest they can live on just to get the hell out of what they are doing. They don’t ring you back when they say they will, or keep you updated with anything – it’s all very time-consuming, superfluous, completely disorganised and chaotic at their end, and INCREDIBLY IMPERSONAL AND YOU’RE LEFT WONDERING WHERE YOU STAND WITH ANYTHING. Another thing to add is that many of them operate on premium rate phone lines (mad I know) and so this and a million voicemails ends up costing you a small fortune if you are not careful on your mobile. Pathetic.

Eight

Long term development with roles is also never mentioned and no research is done on their behalf with their “client” to unearth this. More than often these recruiters don’t really know what responsibilities come with roles and when you ask them they spout out a load of lies (naturally) so be careful. 99% OF THE TIME THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE AN OFFICIAL JOB DESCRIPTION FOR YOU! It’s strange because this is a sales tool for essentially a salesman (i.e. recruiter), but because they are so thick and incompetent they don’t twig this. But then that’s a Consultant for you i.e. pre-occupied with the present and minimum detail – today is the day to earn commission and that’s as far as their vision and thoughts takes them. Pathetic.

Conclusion

1. The present recruitment process IS A DEMENTED JOKE.

2. Recruitment Agencies are overwhelmingly Inept, Unprofessional & as a result waste alot of their own time and your time.

3. I yearn for a return to the days of in-house recruitment, where you could stroll into the newsagents and pick up a jobs newspapers with job adverts that had proper job specs/ descriptions, dates to apply and you sent your application DIRECT to the employer.

Unfortunately those days have passed! Your best off emigrating outta the whole mess.