I can’t watch the evening news without crying. I just watched a special rescue team save an adorable young boy trapped 15 feet beneath the rubble of his school in Balakot. Earthquakes, hurricanes, mud slides, floods, forest fires and fear of an avarian flu pandemic… (Update 10/12: …and today a mysterious fog too.)

It is all so heartbreaking and also a bit unnerving. I feel helpless and confused about a bunch of stuff when I really stop to think about all these natural disasters and diseases making headlines every day. And then there is the drawn out war and continued terrorist attacks too. There is just so much pain and loss…

It gives me lots to think about as I plan my upcoming travels. I’m not afraid to move forward with my solo travel plans, although I am, of course, challenged to be smart and cautious as I go. What I really feel right now is harder to discern — it is a kind of numb, stifled trance. I have moments when I feel paralyzed. Unable to make concrete plans, I tumble into another lost place and my mind wanders — What about this? How about here? What could I do there?

I sooooo want to explore Italy, Portugal, Slovenia and Croatia. I can’t wait to visit my friends in Shanghai. And I can always make a return trip to OZ for some R&R. And I may very well do all or some of this in 2006. But is there something more I can do with my time on the road? I have a unique opportunity of being able and available to help — anywhere I may be needed. I just have to figure out when and where and to fulfill what goal? All I can do is be open to it…

I’m off to the Eastern Shore for a wedding this weekend. I’ll be getting there via MARC commuter train to Bethesda, MD where I’ll stay three nights with good pals who will drive with me to Wye River on Saturday for the wedding. It should be a fabulous black tie affair, but we are all keeping our fingers crossed that the rain stops by tomorrow afternoon. The couple is planning to wed in a beautiful outdoor garden.

I always enjoy traveling by train, and I’m absolutely ready for a short trip out of town, it has been a few weeks. Bonus: Three nights on a real bed…I’m very excited.

Happy Birthday Mom!

You look like you need a cat.

~Random woman who stopped me on the way back from the vending machine this afternoon.

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can’t help it the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me or treat me mean
I’ll make the most of it I’m an extraordinary machine

~ from Extraordinary Machine, Fiona Apple

[Listen here]

In no particular order, the stuff that is keeping me awake right now:

~ I had fun hanging with Dan and his bud Kev this past weekend. We went to the Towson/UDel football game and I got to tailgate with the cool kids. (I got to be designated driver too.) Great seats, but very awful game for the Blue Hens. All I know is that I gotta get one of those shirts that says Ass Kickin’ Chicken. That will turn heads on the backroads of Europe I’m sure.

~ I’m completely perplexed about where to begin my journey. I need time to explore the boards and ask seasoned travelers for advice. Tonight I tossed around southern Spain and/or Portugal, Istanbul or Crete. Something in southern Europe…just not sure if East or West is best for the beginning.

~ There are links on the side bar that go nowhere. Eventually I’ll fill them in. Maybe.

~ I think I have a mild addiction to the Internet. I never watch TV or movies anymore, I’m way behind on my book list, yet I manage to spend hours online. The debate over whether or not to bring my laptop with me when I travel is another unanswered question. I think I could use a break for awhile, but to go months without it?

~ I’m gonna go read a hysterical female travel tale from Thong to take my mind off all of this and get some rest.

I wish that post title referred to my figure, but alas, it refers only to the simplification process that is in now full force.

Here are some of the items that are no longer in my apartment as of yesterday:

Bed, Desk & desk chair, Couch, Two lamps, Dresser, Assorted cups & glasses, Bookshelf

And I’ve still got two more months to live here!

I was fortunate that the timing for this transition worked as well as it did. My youngest brother just moved into his new apartment in Delaware, and had no furniture. So he and a buddy came down, this past weekend, we got a Uhaul and loaded it all up — he’s all set to get his new apartment organized, and I now have more room to sort through what is left, weeding out all non-essentials.

I’ve got the huge dining room table set up in the living room with all my writing/research to-do piles spread out everywhere, and I’ve got an air mattress on-loan inflated on the bedroom floor. That’s basically it. Feels kinda weird, and might become slightly frustrating at times, but nothing I can’t manage. Living with less stuff is such a great way for me to transition to living life out of a bag.

Starting the simplification process now will save time when I vacate this place at the end of November. I probably won’t need to rent another big truck and will just use a van or something more compact. I’ll be having a tag sale on October 15 to keep the process going. Any Baltimore folks who may be reading, email me if you are interested in stopping by and I’ll give you my address in Charles Village. I’ll post a list of what I’m hoping to get rid of next week. I’ll donate whatever I don’t sell.

Cliché as it is, this really is the first day of the rest of my life.

This past Wednesday I told my boss I was leaving. Then yesterday I told my colleagues and an announcement was sent via email to the entire division of 300 or so employees. I’ve got just five more weeks left at the office.

There is no turning back now. It’s official — the next phase is now clearly underway.

There has been a lot of emotion, misunderstandings and confusion — tears of joy, numbing queasiness, fear and nervous giggles too. And I gather it will continue like this for awhile. No major life transition would be complete with out it.

I’ve got a wonderful supportive network of family, friends and coworkers. But that doesn’t mean things are going to be fine all the time. Relationships with some of those closest to me will be challenged in the coming weeks and months. It’s already happening — I guess that’s what this whole living life thing is about.

One day at a time has never meant more to me than right now. I can’t get too far ahead of myself. There is no itinerary yet, there is no confirmed destination or even an outline of a route — just a rough idea in my mind of where I am headed and an approximate month of departure.

But I’m not gone yet. I’m here, living day to day, savoring all that is right around me now, and slowly simplifyingmy life and preparing myself for the next journey of a lifetime.

Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.

~ William Saroyan

I’ve become an urban trekker. Selling my car was not only necessary for my travel plans, but happened at the most wonderful time — as fuel prices rise and fall weather approaches, I get to walk everywhere — I couldn’t ask for a better scenario.

This past Saturday I walked from Charles Village to Camden Yards and then all the way back, after stopping to volunteer at the Baltimore Book Festival in Mt. Vernon for a few hours. Then today, I walked from Charles Village to Canton, and took the bus and Hopkins shuttle back north. I’ve made sure to take alternate routes each time, and sneak down streets I’ve never walked before. Even on the very familiar Calvert, St. Paul, and Charles — streets I’ve walked so many times — I see new things on each trip. I’m taking photos now, so I can capture snippits of this great city to carry with me when I go.

It feels a bit like a ritual — like I’m paying homage to a home I’ve grown to respect and love. It’s a perfect way to prepare to leave, I guess, by enjoying it as much as I can while I’m still here.

I broke something today, and I realized I should break something once a week to remind me how fragile life is.

~ from Angels, Angels, Angels, Andy Warhol