JandalsnAll

A How To for Kiwis and Specially for Little Sisters.
Disclaimer: Em takes no resposibility for the injury or insult to any persons brave/stupid enough to actually follow her advice.

PRE-DEPARTURE
Before one actually sets out for the big journey over yonder, there are some steps, mostly tying up of loose ends and the like, necessary to make your leaving a smooth and successful event, for both yourself and those around you.

STEP ONE
Sell all your worldy possessions. Or, just sell the things you dont really like and find sucker(s) to store the really important things like your collectors card album, your cool volkswagon model car and other items you just cant live without. A garage sale will do the trick. But be wary not to undersell your prized possessions – remember $1 will buy you five elephants in India. By the way, parents fulfil the role of ‘sucker’ beautifully.

STEP TWO
Decide on your destination. Maybe one of the most important elements of travelling, selecting a destination will ensure you are not doomed to wander aimlessly neither here nor there, never stopping, never starting – a most unrewarding form of travel. I’d suggest starting with somewhere that speaks some English, or at least somewhere that deems the consumption of human foreigners indecent. But then I guess it depends on how much of a challenge you’d like to set for yourself.

STEP THREE AND ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS
Sort out your accounts and pay off any debts. Or dont and pretend you never left.
Plan ahead and get any necessary visas, credit cards etc.
Cancel any mailouts etc or leave them for your designated suckers to sort out.
Be really nice to everyone so they miss you alot when you leave.
Get internet banking, a really handy way to manage accounts from overseas.
Gmail is a great email account to use as you dont have to worry about junk mail or mailbox limitations – you do need an invite though but if you ask me nicely I might just send you one.
Find a good travel agent who will go out of their way to help you – dont bother with the ones who just give you a quote then leave you to it.

PACKING
There are just some items you really must never leave your country without. The national flag of your country, a photo of the primeminister/president, your traditional national costume. As well as those things, you can study up on what to take here on the ever-helpful BootsnAll site: About three pages on theres a basic list of what to take. Heres another list – maybe a little too overexagsh but it seems to have everything you could possibly think of that you might need and some good ideas.

Some things that are really really useful or that I wish I’d brought:
large microfibre towel – unless youre wanting to travel really light I’d get the largest size. Those teeny little ones are just a pain to use and dont cover up anything if someone nicks your clothes.
sleepsheet for sleeping anywhere grotty
torch (a headtorch would be useful if you’re camping – but theyre quite expensive and make you look like a caver)
small scissors/tweezers/pocket knife
notepad and pen
watch with alarm
copies of cv, passport, tickets etc in one of my email folders
jandals
Marmite – tastes great and has added bonus of freaking out non-Australasians
Photo of PrimeMinister Helen Clark.
Rechargable batteries and small travel battery recharger (only if you’ll be needing batteries of course)
Lonely Planet Guide
earplugs – necessity
longjohns (lyserious) its frickin cold away from home.
International credit card

Things that havent been useful at all:
adaptor plug – because I didnt actually bring anything electric from home.duh.
packsafe – I havent used my once yet, though I will carry its leaden weight around with me just incase…..
books – much easier and lighter to buy over here or ‘borrow’ from a hostel.
Anything that you cant bear to part with in the event that you have to throw things away – and you will have to throw things away.
Basically anything you can buy with ease in your country of destination eg. sunscreen, soap, laundry powder, chocolate. Unless your fussy like me.
Sewing kit – you’ll find a sewing kit on all the lists but I brought one and havent used it once despite now owning several holey items of clothing. Mending clothes is for Mums – so if you do bring a sewing kit try to bring a Mum with it. Safety pins and needles are handy though.

Basically fill your pack with the essentials (deciding what these are is the tricky part), then add anything you might want extra but that you also dont mind throwing away later on down the track. Dont fill pack to capacity or you’ll have no room for buying pressies and more useless junk to add to your collection back home. Plus it gives you extra room if you cant be bothered rolling everything up as small as small and prefer to shove everything in side and shut it without even having to jump up and down on it..

In reality Ive found you dont need much at all but there are still things that are nice to have with you if you dont mind compromising in terms of weight. Even in writing this, despite my efforts and yours, I know that you will manage to bring at least one completely useless thing with you, maybe your own NZ to Europe adaptor – in some situations, sure, it may be very handy but I can tell you now it is utterly useless when you arent bringing anything electrical from NZ ….and you arent going to Europe….

DEPARTURE
The first step in actually travelling is obviously to leave your current place of abode and this is as easy as simply picking up one foot, placing it down in front of you and following this with the other foot. Of course you could also travel on your hands and knees or wriggle about on your stomach if you so wished, but these methods are most suitable for use only over very short distances and preferably not in view of other people. When travelling long distances such as between countries most people choose to fly overland and sea.

Give yourself two hours to get to the airport then give yourself one extra hour if you are me and then two more extra hours if you are Tonia and Liam. That way you should arrive just on time.
Say goodbye to your poor family, look at all the tears. Walk away quickly and dont look back – this way you avoid risking catching them in the act, jumping around like children cheering ‘Shes gone! Finally shes gone!’ – better put your hands over your ears too.

Hopefully youve requested an aisle seat with the extra legroom with your trusty travel agent especially if you too are a giant freak and hopefully your trusty airline has actually given it to you and not stuck you in the middle seat in the middle aisle between two rather overweight men like they did with me. If you do find yourself trapped and desperately needing to pee, which you most surely will, and at which time both overweight men will be asleep (and snoring) there is nothing for it but to save yourself the agony and, very carefully now, give the one who looks least likely to go into a rage at the event of being awoken a gentle poke with your forefinger, being sure to keep all other fingers well clear, and ask them politely if they’d mind letting you past. And then make sure you dont drink anything else for the rest of the trip.
Other aeroplane tips:
Vege meals get served first.
Hot towels are a gift from God.
Little kids on planes are not a gift from God.
Toilets are best used during the first half of the trip then avoided at all costs.
The flight attendant demonstration provides as much inflight entertainment as it does valuable safety instructions.
Of course do the sensible walking around thing.

ARRIVAL
Leave the plane in an orderly manner or as orderly as you can manage after 25 hours on a plane and proceed to customs. If your lucky, and if youve kept a good eye on your bag, youve no need to worry. If your unlucky, deny all knowledge of any baby possums and good luck to you.
After landing, but before leaving the airport pop into the toilets and change into your national costume so as to provide your new friends with a positive and lasting impression of your beloved country. Ignore the points and stares – theyre just jealous of your pois.

Follow the exits and find transport to your pre-booked accomodation. If in doubt ask! Especially in Ireland people will go out of their way to give way too detailed directions. Theres no point wandering around in a daze when there’s a walking talking human map at every step just begging for you to ask them for directions so they can put their vast geographical knowledge to use.

And now, take a moment to look around, breathe in all those foreign pollutants and enjoy your first steps in a new country.

Coming Soon: ‘Good Guinness its a Leprechaun!’ Em’s Guide to all things Irish.