Canada to Patagonia at a Worrying Age

Not a bad likeness, although you´ll see my hair has grown very quickly.

PS. Derm says Bird of Cuzco by Nina Nastasia written for John Peel should be a track of one day while I´m here. Haven´t heard it yet, but I´ll trust to his judgement.

Well we knew it would have to happen at some point. Yes – I’ve been kidnapped by a tribe of South American Indians, but it’s not all bad as they have made me their God. Which is nice, for me as well as for them.

Now, I’ve been charged with coming up with a latter day Eden, hopefully without the bad apples and Disney baddy snakes – and this is where you come in.

We seem to be fine for psychotropic drugs and penis gourds, but other than that we’re short of one or two essential items. If someone can arrange to have them delivered I’ll grant you eternal life or 5 years as the celebrity of your choice – whichever you think is the better…

The complete works of Shakespeare and a copy of the bible are already here (next to what appears to be the shrunken head of Sue Lawley), so the only reading materials we’re short of is Match of the Day Magazine and Take-a-Break. If someone could sort out the subs, that would be great.

The drugs do work, but leave us with rotten hangovers, so a (gross) box of Nurofen would be handy.

By and large the girls seem to be fine, their only requests are for push-up bras and a few crates of Bacardi Breezers (all flavours except melon).

The lads, on the other hand, have been arguing for days about what the priorities should be. Finally, they’ve landed on a complete range of Clinique men’s grooming products. Please ensure the sun block comes in SPF 30 as well as 15 for those who are more sensitive to the sun.

The children will be fine with Sunny Delight, as all children are.

Thanks in advance to the first one who can sort this out. Don’t forget to state your preference on the reward thing.

Address is Chief Juan Martin 1, The Incas, The Andes, Peru.

I’ve never been in the middle of a storm at 3400m before. One is rather close to the celestial action. The lightening is right in your face and the thunder is like nothing you have ever heard before. ... [Continue reading this entry]

Having just been reminded that some people like reading this, I thought a bit of an update was in order following a bit of a gap for a slightly boring time as I acclimatised to being 3400m above sea level. I’ve ... [Continue reading this entry]

After the fun of Iquitos it’s been a pleasure to be in a place where one can be anonymous and see normal goings on amongst Westerners and locals alike. Not much to say about Lima except that the old part is ... [Continue reading this entry]

Slightly bitter, this is going to look, I’m afraid. Up late to ring home (I really was knackered after two 3.30am starts in three nights). Lovely to talk to you all on that terrible line. Promise I’m all right ... [Continue reading this entry]

Up ridiculously early for flight which was the usual mixture of small rip-offs at either end with a 2 hour wait in the cold city of Bogota, where I took the opportunity to get my boots cleaned. Cheeky chappy ... [Continue reading this entry]

Currently in Brazil/Peru/Colombia - nice little story of the event lies broke on a disc in my back pocket. Might post later. Essentially got last place on the Xmas Eve boat to Iquitos by criss-crossing the Amazon at the three ... [Continue reading this entry]

Time to leave the Caribbean coast and head into a different jungle (in the wet season) over a thousand miles away. I must be daft as I could head back up to Santa Marta for Xmas on the beach ... [Continue reading this entry]

Now back in the absolute calm of Hotel Tres Banderas in Cartagena de Indias. (A bit calmer than I want, actually, as the electricity has gone down and I want to book some flights.) Santa Marta and around ... [Continue reading this entry]