Tales of Thai Toilet Humour…
To get into the head of a Thai student learning English and thus hopefully become a better teacher – I was temporarily transformed last week into an English student learning Thai. (I also spent a pleasant morning learning Tsestwana, a bush language from Botswana in Southern Africa. However since I’m living in Thailand at the moment, and have no particular plans to go down Africa way, the Thai language is the one sticking in the gloopy bulge of chemico-electrical activity that is my brain right now.)
So there I am learning Thai, slowly building words to make simple sentences, and I come across probably the most brilliant phrase in the history of language. When all those geezers were shouting the odds on the Tower of Babel, I doubt they produced anything quite this good….
I’ll build it up for you bit by bit. By the way, if you dont appreciate traditional British toilet humour then this may not be an anecdote for you. But read on anyway. Toilet humour always needs new converts.
Ok…so in the Thai language it’s polite for men to finish off every sentence they utter with the word “krap”. Women use the word “ka”.
Ok, next step. Rice is what you might call a big deal over here in Asia. A food that your average Westerner might consume once a week with their friday night vindaloo is often eaten 3 meals a day, 7 days a week….
So it pays to know the translation for rice. And if you like it fried, which I do, then it also pays to know the translation for fried rice. Which I do. It’s: “Khao Phad”.
Ok. Step number 3 and then we sling the whole glorious thing together. Residing as I currently do less than 200 metres from the sea, it is hardly surprising that people round these parts tend to eat the things that swim in it. This is generally called seafood. Mmmmm. Ok. So one of the many, many types of delicious seafood that can be eaten, caught, sold & bought on these fair shores is the humble crab. And the humble crab is called a poo. By that I dont mean that the other crustaceans pick on him in the ocean playground. I mean his name really is “poo”! As you might be able to imagine if you know me, a fairly large smile appeared in the centre of my face when first I heard this wonderful news.
Ok. Here we go. So…just say a person happened to be hungry. And just say they happened to be of the masculine persuasion. And just say they happened to be in a restaurant in this neck of the woods. And just say they decided to order fried rice. And just say they decided that they wanted some crab with their fried rice. And just say they decided to make their order in Thai. And just say they decided to be polite about it…..
They would utter the magical phrase: Khao Phad Poo Krap, or if you prefer the anglicized spelling:
Cowpat Poo Crap!
I haven’t actually ordered this yet. I probably never will because Crabs are not really my favourite friends. But the joyous joy of joys is that if I so desired I could walk across the street, say hello to the waitress with the most beautiful smile in the whole of Thailand and say: Cowpat poo Crap.
And the only eyelids being batted would be the ones accompanying that beautiful smile….
Tags: Thailand, Thailand
The Dude
Ola amigo, sounds like somebody is falling for a certain waitress…I think swooning her with cowpats is the only viable option… *8-)
leave b alone