Nietzsche said (paraphrasing) what does not kill us, will make us stronger. A professor of mine, R.E. Ramsey, tweaked the aphorism slighlty to read, "What does not destroy us, will make us stronger." I am still in tact.

This being the first entry in what may be either a short or long term process, I thought I should state an idea of the purpose, the answer to "why bother with this blog?". It is eight days until I leave for Japan and besides my story, Japan: A Priori, which outlines a few thoughts on why I am going to Japan, until the last few days I have given little thought to actually leaving- until now. In addition to the notion that living in another place to avoid the complacency one is often aware of as the realm in which they exist but quickly disregard the normal routine as just what people do, as living, what occurs to me is going to Japan is purely a selfish venture and all meaningful actions require the sacrifice, in some sense, of others.

I admit this is forced self reflection thrown into an open forum, a way for me to realize what is happening, to think about what it means, even if only for a moment. When I put the word "searching" in the title it is gutted, deeply gouged from inside my psyche looking for satisfaction in experience.

I moved my belongings from Reno, NV, to Arizona and if it did not fit in the bed of the truck, it stayed in Reno with the neon lights and obnoxious "ching, ching" of the slot machines. Items left behind consist of an old used couch, dresser, a few endtables and the food left in my refirgerator in my desperation to get my fully packed truck with an almost flat tire on the driver side rear to the nearest repair shop before the long drive through sage strewn hills and brothels of western Nevada.

The things left behind did not matter, they were inconsequential, and replaceable. I found myself throwing photographs stacked in boxes, still in the envelopes from the developer, into the floorboard as priority items because looking through a few I realized memories were shaken awake by a brief fraction of a second glimpse of a landscape I once backpacked through with a few friends. The intangible possessions, not the pictures themselves, but the memories they illicited, strike me as worthwhile. I can sit on the floor and fold clothes into a neat pile tucked into a corner but the abiltiy to remember relies on a catalyst to arouse these images and emotions such as a conversation, smell or photograph.

Because I am making some sacrifice of friends and family simply by being far away, I leave this open for those who want to live vicariously: email me what you would do and I'll see if I can accomodate. Since you are not there to, say, hike Mt. Fuji or play pachinko, to be touristy, pod hotels and kareoke, maybe I can do it for you and report back via this blog or otherwise. Besides, perhaps some ideas will come in that I otherwise would have overlooked.

So, in eight days I'll be in Japan, stepping off a plane into a train and situating myself for what comes next. I hope to find out more of what it means, a piece of the puzzle, a multitude of new experiences, and to not lose touch in the process. Like Spalding Gray in Swimming To Cambodia, I'll be looking for my perfect moment, hopefully I won't drown.