my first leap

I’m at a Cyber Cafe near our hotel ‘Fragrance Hotel – Emerald’ smack in the middle of the red light district Geylang and about 15 mins walk from the nearest MRT Kallang. Seb is on the computer in front tapping away. I chose this hotel out of a handful Seb emailed me. I chose it for the area; as expected, the atmosphere and surroundings are so much more vibrant and the people great fun to watch.

After my seemingly desperate despair in my last blog (it really only lasted that hour I was tapping away, once the rawness is dispelled one way or another – here by tapping on a computer to the world, the emotion is shot out of its canon and you’re no longer a potential explosion) I got back to Ling and my spirits were up again. The pills and injection were working well and the need to itch had gone. It felt so good to be back to normal mentally though physically, I still looked the same. Ling and I enjoyed some dinner at a little restaurant right next to her building. She was major tired because of the 4am start and I was now feeling the toll of not sleeping for the last couple of nights. I then met up with Yating for a final farewell and it felt so good to be able to laugh and enjoy a decent conversation without being distracted by my body; no need to sit on my hands or keep my fingers pressed hard against the table. I was happy again. It felt so good.

Ling and I both set our alarms for 4.30am so I can get a taxi to the Hyatt Hotel and then catch the airport bus from there. Somehow I woke up and checked my watch. 5.30am!!! The alarms didn’t go off or we were so tired we didn’t hear. I jumped out of bed calling Ling’s name and muttering rubbish like ‘oh my god oh my god’. She jumped and called for a taxi. The only way to get to the airport was now a very very fast taxi ride. Luckily the night before I had to take out $1000 because the ATM wouldn’t give me anything smaller so I had enough for the taxi ride. My plane was taking off 7.10am and to get to the airport takes out 40 – 45 mins or less if the driver is a little crazy. I so wished my driver would be a little more than daring. He was this middle aged man in a suit who didn’t look crazy. Ling talked fast at him, told him our situation, we overslept basically – she was honest. He smiled, nodded calmly and then we were off. It was when lorries drove passed us on the motorway that I thought ‘oh dear’. Ling said Seb could wait and I could get the next plane. He was expecting to wait 4 hours already so out loud to Ling I chanted ‘no no no no’ and in my head in the taxi ‘no no no no’. Amazingly, I got there in time. I gave him my $1000 and legged it, not caring about change. He got me there. He deserved it.

On the plane I watched ‘Wedding Crasher’ which was funnier than I thought and the comedy channel so I had been marinated-happy and ready for Singapore. When I got out Seb was waiting at the gates. We had a drink and made some plans.

Though suffering a little from jet lag – a plane ride from Switzerland, Seb was ready to see and do things so we checked out the area the hotel was in. Day time, nothing much. Night time is the best time. The food on offer are hot pot, dim sum, claypot rice, frog’s leg congee and many more. The live frogs put us off. Also, ladies of the night stood outside doorways to enclosed establishments showing off their wares. We checked out other areas including Chinatown and Little India.

Today we went to Pulau Ubin Island. The ferry (small chugging boat for up to 12 passengers and 2 crews – really cute I thought and prefer to big ones) ride there and especially back was worth going for the ride. We hired bikes on the island and rode around in a leisurely fashion. The weather in Singapore is not as humid as in Taiwan. I can handle this weather. It’s sunnier and breezier and I have my UV umbrella! Seb is not used to it yet, his body climatising to the weather and time difference.

I miss sashimi!! There is none of that here unless we seek a Japanese restaurant out and we saw two but they didn’t offer sashimi. Chinese food is popular here (Chinese people make up 76% of the population), Malay (14%) and Indian (8%)foods as well – all a bit too heavy for this weather – for me anyway. We found ourselves wandering into a cluster of the stalls part of the Singaporean Food Festival. They love their spicy foods (which I love but have to stay away from) and fried food (too heavy); and in Chinese fashion, everything is served big style portions. Exotic foods are harder to come by whereas your common apple and pear is easier to find. Seafood is abundant but served fried, steamed (less heavy) or soaked in spice. I so miss the exotic fruits, the fresh fruit juices and fresh seafood in Taipei. I tell Seb and he’s envious because he loves sashimi. A couple of times, we’ve thought of jumping on a plane to Taipei! Most people speak Mandarin or Cantonese and almost everyone speak English – or what you’d call Singenglish. At first it sounds foreign but you realise ‘jesus, they’re talking in English, but it’s not English’ – it’s a weird feeling but you get used to it. Seb must have thought I knew this weird language but no, it’s weirdly spoken English.

We’re going to book a hotel in Kuala Lumpar and then we’re off tomorrow by train! I’m excited.

***

To Tobias: It’s only drama for the hour I’m writing. I’m okay. It’s exciting.

To Amy: The scar is all over half of my calves with speckled scars over the other half, from ankle to knee, pretty bad. It seems this journey around the world has given me insight into the limitations of the body that is mine.

To Adam: A cool damp towel was best. Slapping didn’t work as well as squeezing.

***

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius. China’s most famous teacher, philosopher, and political theorist, 551-479 BC

The doctor immediately diagnosed infectious eczematoid dermatitis, a kind of allergic eczema. But he doesn’t know the cause. He thinks the fact that I’ve suffered from prickly heat before, and I’m sensitive to sunlight, heat and humidity; the allergic reaction to ‘OFF!’ (possibly DEET) could have made the condition worse.

I’ve been prescribed 6 different pills and was given an injection. I’ve been told to see another doctor for another injection when I get to Singapore. And that I should not use these pills for more than 2 weeks otherwise it could affect my body badly. He tells me to stay away from sunlight, heat and humidity (I’m thinking of the countries I’m going to next) even wearing protective clothing. I am to stay away from coffee, alcohol and spicy foods. Everything he’s told me I can handle. Then he tells me my legs are going to be scarred for up to 2 years! But it will go back to its normal colour eventually. I’m left dumbstruck. I thought maybe a month or two the most. But 2 years?!!

After swallowing the disgusting tasting pills and phoning Ling, I walk in the pouring rain to the internet cafe. I am numb. At least my UV umbrella is useful in sun and rain. Yating had called me a typical Taiwanese girl when I told her about my UV umbrella. They carry UV umbrellas here so why not. I feel bad for my legs. I feel shitty that I didn’t go to the hospital sooner especially after all the crap that I sprout about health and me being responsible for myself. I feel I’m a lawyer who has been negligent and I should not be left responsible for me because I am just crap. I’m the only person responsible and I’ve been rubbish at it. Now, I sit here, accepting the consequences. Ling tells me it won’t take that long for the scars to disappear. At this moment they’re still blistering, not even brown, not even scars yet but you can see it going that way. Yes, I feel sorry for myself, for my legs, goddamitt! And also so so so angry with myself! How can I make it up to you? How can I make it better for you? For myself, my body, me, my whole responsibility.

***

Surrealism is destructive, but it destroys only what it considers to be shackles limiting our vision. – Salvador Dalí. Spanish painter, 1904–1989

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