John Flinn wrote a great article in yesterday’s San Francisco Chronicle about purchasing and packing gear for a trip:

As individuals, and as a society…we rely too much on gizmos to keep us safe. True security comes from the things we do, and don’t do.

His piece comes right on time for me, as I wrap up my final gear purchases and move to the more challenging task of reviewing what is absolutely necessary and deciding what should be returned?! I don’t think I’ve gone overboard, but even things like the hostel sheet and soap holder need to be scrutinized one last time…do I REALLY need them? Flinn mentions Magellan’s, where I just finished spending a $50 gift certificate given to me a few months back. It was a lot harder to use than I thought, especially because they do have a lot of these “bells & whistles” products that just didn’t appeal to me. I’m going very low-tech on this trip, so I wasn’t attracted to many of their security-enabled items. I did consider the socks with the zipper compartment, but then decided they were unneccessary — I’ve got a money belt, travel smarts and a simple plan to making sure my valuables are safely stored at all times. So, I used the gift certificate to buy a small travel wallet, some mesh packing pockets and a tiny travel umbrella. When those items arrive this week, I’ll do the final dress rehearsal. If the bag is too heavy, I’ll repack it again and again till it feels comfortable and secure. My biggest fear is bringing too much of the wrong stuff. I’m sure I’ll make one or two miscalcuations along the way (I’ll bring too many socks and not enough underwear!) but here’s hoping I don’t make any major gear goof-ups.

I can’t get the lyrics to this song out of my head…and yeah, I know it’s just a silly pop song but I like it. Who the heck is Natasha Bedingfield, anyway?

I Am Unwritten, Can’t Read My Mind, I’m Undefined
I’m Just Beginning, The Pen’s In My Hand, Ending Unplanned
Staring At The Blank Page Before You, Open Up The Dirty Window
Let The Sun Illuminate The Words That You Could Not Find
Reaching For Something In The Distance
So Close You Can Almost Taste It
Release Your Inhibitions

Feel The Rain On Your Skin
No One Else Can Feel It For You
Only You Can Let It In
No One Else, No One Else
Can Speak The Words On Your Lips
Drench Yourself In Words Unspoken
Live Your Life With Arms Wide Open
Today Is Where Your Book Begins
The Rest Is Still Unwritten

As I mentioned over at Gadling today, I’ve finally booked my flight: 40 days from today I will fly from Newark, NJ direct to Lisbon, Portugal. I booked a return flight to the states from Rome through London in mid-July… Soooooo, my 5 month European adventure is almost officially underway.

I’m at a complete loss with how to express in words all that I am thinking, feeling and doing these days: Excited, overjoyed, melancholy and nostalgic at times, motivated, determined, overwhelmed and all that other stuff too. I’m trying my best to balance it, keeping things slow and simple so I savor each step of the way.

Thoughts I’m juggling in my mind right now: the trip planning process (too little vs. too much), the packing challenges I’ve yet to tackle (no backpack or camera yet), how to handle the struggles I am having with my own writing (personal and professional), my desire to be honest with myself and others about certain issues, the valid concerns/worries & wonderful support/enthusiasm of family and friends, and the tough decisions I have to make about how I will ultimately choose to travel. I recognize that these are personal struggles I willingly took on. I’m managing them, learning lessons as I go, and hopefully create a stronger version of myself in the process.

Last night I started reading The Best American Travel Writing 2005. I got as far as Jamaica Kincaid’s introduction. She describes the collection of travel narratives in this way:

“These essays stimulate my curiosity; they underline my sense of my displacement.”

She goes on to say that she likes the feeling of being out of place. It got me thinking…I’ve always had a most wonderful place to call home, in the literal sense — our home in Pearl River, followed by the homes I made in Baltimore. But my internal “home”, my personal sense of place, has never been more out of whack then it is right now. I learn more and more each day about who I am as a person, but I’m just not sure where I’m supposed to be. And I’m not so sure that I like feeling this way. But my deep curiosity to see the world has led me to feel so very Lost in Place. I’ve chosen to put comfortable aside and follow the uneasiness. I have no clue where this journey will take me, but I know it’s necessary for me to live through this self-imposed displacement and see where it leads. And I trust my own judgment that it will do me some good to take this break, so that then I can do some real good in this world.

My tag line for the blog used to read: One woman’s love affair with location, search for vocation and occasional intoxications. I think I’ll have to change it back to that, since it does seem to sum up the trifecta of why I’m embarking on this trip quite perfectly:

Location = Place: I want to explore every nook and cranny of this earth
Vocation = Passion: I want to discover how best to walk through this world
Intoxications = Play: I want to celebrate the simple joys of life

Yikes! All these deep-thoughts aside, I’m stoked, blessed and bubbling with enthusiasm to get out there and enjoy the experience. Thanks as always to all of you who pray, support and cheer me on.

Until you try, you don’t know what you can’t do. ~ Henry James

I haven’t bought a plane ticket or backpack yet, and I only have a rough idea of what city I’ll start my journey in, but I have set a goal for myself that I will embark on my European adventure approximately two months from today. Between Feb. 15 – Feb. 18th I anticipate I’ll be flying out of NY/NJ for somewhere on the continent.

I’m currently waiting to find out if I scored World Cups tixs before I move forward with any other major decisions. I’d say there is a fairly good chance I’ve got some, so of course now I’ve jinxed it. (Sorry J&T!) But if I’m going to Germany for an extra week or so in June to see some games, then I’ll definitely have to make adjustments to what I’ve been loosely planning so far. But it will be so worth it. Hopefully we will know more in the next few weeks.

So, the unknowns continue to become a comfortable and accepted part of my daily life as I chart my course. No matter what though, there is one thing I know for sure right now: I’m going. I’ve got my share of butterflies and fears, but only mixed in with these moments of utter peace when I know this is really what I want to do. I’m anxious to buy my one-way ticket to seal the deal. But haste makes waste and I’ve got not a penny to spare.

I’m guessing that one month from today I’ll have hopefully purchased my plane tix or be on the brink of doing so. Until then…writing, reading and good times with fam & friends. I gotta do some yoga soon too.

I’m lying on the floor of my empty apartment, about to shut down the computer, take out the trash and stuff some final items in my Dad’s car before leaving Baltimore for good. At least for now…who knows what the future has in store. But Baltimore has been oh so good to me, and I love it so and will miss it dearly…and now I’m getting choked up so I’ll stop…there has been a lot of that in the past 24 hours.

Mike and Jo have been an incredible help and support in these final hours…Mike even came by on his lunch break today to help me tie a table and chair to the roof of the station wagon. And last night they gave me the most amazing gift — a small photo album with pixs of every place I lived, worked and played in Baltimore over the past seven years…it is the coolest gift ever. I’ll treasure it, and all the memories it holds, always.

I’ll sign off from B-more with the quote that appeared in my inbox this morning, my Zen Quote of the Day. I like the last sentence best:

Thus we see that the all important thing is not killing or giving life, drinking or not drinking, living in the town or the country, being lucky or unlucky, winning or losing. It is how we win, how we lose, how we live or die, finally, how we choose. We walk, and our religion is shown (even to the dullest and most insensitive person), in how we walk. Living in this world means choosing and the way we choose to walk is infallibly and perfectly expressed in the walk itself.

~ R. H. Blyth

Peace and so long, Hon.

A thankful person can find contentment anywhere.

Mom gave me this quote in a card earlier this week. I owe a million thanks to her, my dad, my brothers and sister-in-law…and all my extended family, wonderful friends and colleagues. I’m blessed to have each of them in my life, and feel extra grateful for the support, love and encouragement they have shown me during this transitional time in my life. I’m off to give thanks for it all, break bread, share laughs and cherish each morsel of goodness.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mindful Travel:
Explore the world smart and slow.

Planning Tomorrow vs. Living Today:
Not knowing where you’re going, you pay more attention to where you are, wherever that is.

Spending Time Wisely:
Just because technology makes it possible for us to work 10 times faster than we used to doesn’t mean we should do it.

If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

~ Henry Miller

[photo by Luminous Lens]

Oh boy. Today is my last day of work, and then I am off to NY for a week — a few days with friends in NYC and the rest with my folks in the ‘burbs. And I’ll get to see both my bros this week too. This will be 7+ days on the go — full of planning, packing, decision-making, budgeting, writing, and hopefully a little relaxing too. A good trial-run for what’s to come next year. Let the adventures begin…

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.

~ Nietzsche