true life planet

Tired, so tired…..but  I have the day off and I’m so behind with the blog that I am determined to write up at least a few entries.This entry is all about Binoy, the spunky little autistic child that I have been assigned to work with one on one for five months.

The last few weeks have gone by in a blur. Each day looked like the one before, with a general pattern emerging of get up, grab something to eat, get to work, work, go home, grab something to eat, fall asleep. Then wake up and do it again.

Christmas here is actually more hectic than it is at home. It’s different, of course, as it’s not all some big mad rush to bake cookies and buy presents.

I think it’s a very busy time for anyone working with the Missionarities of Charity here, especially if you are working with children.

At Daya Dan, we are preparing for a special Christmas program, which has been designed by Sister Jonafa, the sister in charge of the children’s day to day activities.

In the past, the kids just wore costumes and some played the bongos.

This year Sister Jonafa has her sights set extremely high, with a full fledged band and 6 perfomances throughout the city. Some of the performances are at Daya Dan and others are at Prem Dan, the Motherhouse, and so on. One is at the Governor’s Mansion.

The kids we are working with need to learn 7 songs, stand still, introduce themselves, bow altogether, play instuments, sing, and behave in an extremely orderly fashion.

The kids we are working with are dealing with a myriad of disbilities, from autism to mental retardation to speech impediments to an inability to stand still for 2 minutes.

My child, Binoy, who I work with everyday, is supposed to play the drums for six of the songs. During one of the songs he is supposed to sit quietly in front of his drum set and not move. Trying to figure out how to get him to do this has been nothing short of a miracle, but I have succeeded(or rather, he has!) by turning it into a game and counting to 500.

Binoy was very blessed this week as a group of volunteers generously bought him a real drum set. Previous to this he had a drum set worthy of the trash heap, a toy drum set that was missing parts and whose few parts were attached would actually fly off as he played, causing me to either continue holding it together for the rest for the rest of the set..or nose-dive to rescue to part and quickly reattach it.

His new drum set is enormous and actually made for adults. Binoy is such a tiny boy that you can’t even see him behind the drums!

Binoy was at first afraid of his new drums..they are not only enormous but intimidating. He has needed alot of practice just to get used to playing them. It requires that he use his whole little body to play them. He has needed alot of encouragement to gain confidence.

My job has been to practice the drums with Binoy for hours everyday. Hours and hours of drumming and sitting still, interrupted by breaks and playtime, and then it’s back to drumming again. I am going deaf from telling him to play softer and from sitting next to a drumset for hours on end.

Not only do we practice alone together, but we have “dress rehearsals”, almost every single day, for hours, of the entire concert with all of the participants. My job is to sit next to Binoy for the entire concert as he beats his drums, tell him when to start playing, when to play, keep him playing the song, keep him from playing too loudly and so forth.

Sound easy?

It isn’t.

I have mentioned before that I have absolutely no musical talent. I have told the nun in charge that I am not a suitable candidate for this job, as there are numerous volunteers who are actually drummers and would be much better.

However, Binoy has grown very close to me and he actually listens to me. He doesn’t seem to care to listen to anyone else.

Therefore, I am the only person suitable for this deafening and tiring task.

So, other than being hoarse and losing my hearing (and sometimes my patience) what else is going on?

Well, at Daya Dan, we stil have our normal work schedule of morning to afternoon, with all the activities we normally have to do: Dressing, bathing, cleaning the children; making beds; changing diapers and dirty underwear; feeding and assisting children to eat; walking and exercising chidren; and school.

Since Binoy is the main child I am assigned to, I have private classes with Binoy. We are now up to simple addition problems and simple reading. This is amazing, as a year ago, Binoy could hardly speak, and his tongue was so under used that his last volunteer has to do mouth exercises with him to foster speech.

Now he is shouting out(when he sees me walking in the door in the morning):

“Auntie, 1 plus 1 is two! Auntie, 2 plus 3 is five!Auntie, Peter is a boy! Auntie, Jane is girl! Auntie, There is a shop!”

He is a bit like a proud little peacock, strutting his stuff-his new vocabulary and his new knowledge-in front of the other kids and volunteers…

It’s very exciting. I feel like Binoy and I work so well together, and that he is able to learn with me. He is enjoying learning and he is excited to open his school bag and start class everyday.

I feel like Binoy is growing. He’s got the potential to really learn a few skills and have a useful and interesting life in spite of the fact that he will be in an institution his entire life. He’s finding things he enjoys doing, and he’s seeking out more information, asking more questions. It’s an exciting time.

For me, it’s exciting too, as I am simply in love with this child. I really care about him, so very much that it surprises me. One day I just realized that I loved him.

Otherwise, how could I spend so much time with him, day in and day out?!

He is not easy. He has many behavioral problems.

When I first arrived, he was always in trouble…he was always in the corner… was often being punished by the Sisters or by the Indian women who work at Daya Dan.

Although I don’t agree with some of things and tasks Binoy is being asked to accomplish, I soon discovered that the fact that I agreed or not made no difference to the Sisters..he would still end up having to do those tasks and things, even he got “punished” in the process.

It was a big learning curve for me,when I realized that I was going to have to help Binoy figure out how to do what was expected of him, and teach him some survival skills and some ways of coping so that he can consistently do what is expected of him in what can sometimes be a very inconsistent and unfair environment to a small autistic boy with a two minute attention span.

To make it work for Binoy and for the Sister’s expectations, I have discovered that turning positive behavior into games works. Also we spend alot of time memorizing things and behaviors, doing the same thing over and over again until Binoy actually corrects himself on his own.

The past few weeks have been very busy for me, sometimes ten hour days, with few days off(today is my first day off in nine days) and what has made that time easier is that for the most part, Binoy has been able top stay on task and most “punishments” have ceased.

For when I see Binoy punished, for each time I see him being hit with a stick or a hand by a Sister, I lose my mind temporarily. It pains me, as it is such an inefficient way of teaching a child anything.

Each time I see it happen, I try now to look carefully at what is happening and why. Then I try to come up with ways to teach him a new behavior. After practicing several times, Binoy will still do the old behavior, but he will stop immendiately if corrected and begin to do whatever new behavior I have encouraged.(Not everytime! But most of the time!)

I am so surprised at his progress and mine in this regard that it kind of blows my mind.

Working with Binoy has so far, taught me that almost anything can be learned, and that patience–infinite patience–is required.

I also have come to the point that I understand that although there may be better ways of doing things, that things are going to continue going as they are at Daya Dan for some time. The only way to change anything is to first change how I am looking at it and secondly, figure out a loophole, a way to shift things subtly from within.

Another thing that I have learned is that volunteering long term has so mauch more value in this kind of situation than volunteer for just a few days. That is not to say that one can’t make a difference at a place like Daya Dan in just a few days…it’s just that staying long term builds the children’s trust, the Sister’s trust, and you really develop relationshps with the kids that you could not do in a week.

You are like family.

Binoy is such a blessing to me that he has been my greatest teacher on this trip.

gigi

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