Finally Feeling A Bit More Clear Headed
Its been a few days since that last post I wrote about my reservations about this place…
The last few days I just tried to relax, as hardly anyone is here and I can take a few days off.
I realized the day I wrote that last post how exhausted I was-both physically and mentally.
When I first came here, I was a bit overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the place-as I think I have mentioned, its an English garden fantasy, complete with enormous old mansion, countless garden sheds, meandering paths, and overgrown orchards.
Once here for awhile though, I quickly got into the work groove, which is very scheduled and they seem to have extremely high expectations. Everyone seems kind of stressed out at all they have to do, and even if they don’t express this feeling directly, it of course gets expressed indirectly. Even the day we were supposed to go to the Festival, I had a list of to dos from two people I had to do, and then they told us that we would be working until the last minute as well, housekeeping. The word “no” doesn’t seem to be used alot around here.
I realize now that I arrived at the Festival in somewhat tired and downtrodden state of mind and not with alot of physical energy. Once there, it was one thing after another-meditations, explanations, preparations, volunteering at this or that…there really wasn’t time for much thinking or resting. Perhaps that is how it is designed to be, as if one is exhausted, there’s not alot of time for reflection. You sort of go on automatic.
Coming back here was a relief, and I expected it to be restful. However, many of the residents hadn’t done their chores before leaving and the bathrooms and trash and kitchens had to be done.
Yesterday, I was so tired in the morning when I awoke that I thought I hadn’t sleep at all. I ended up taking the day off and slept thru the entire day and night, with a few tea breaks thrown in.
I awoke feeling better, but decided to take today off as well and start working in the garden again tomarrow. I’ve just been puttering about, doing my laundry and taking care of myself. A little self care goes a long way when you are traveling!
My thoughts on this place remain the same-although I can see clearly that there are some very nice and kind well-meaning people involved here, they perhaps do not have good understanding of the Buddhist way of being in the world. They do not seem to understand what they are agreeing to, and often people just repeat the same little phrases or stories to me.
The general atmosphere of some stress , poor social skills, and isolation seems to have many root causes within the framework of belief here. People seem to use the framework of the Gurus teachings to make excuses for behavior that is not positive.
There are however, some very sweet, genuine people who seem to be trying hard to be good people and practice compassion and ethical behavior.
I have been reading the Gurus main text, and although things are explained quite succinctly, I don’t see an awful lot of examples of people on the way to enlightenment as he explains it. Some people have alot of baggage and seem to be trying to work stuff out. I suppose we are all doing this, no matter what we believe, but a little patience and consideration goes a long way.
I am trying to practice compassion, as I define it, by doing works of mercy here. there are several very lonely people here, and just listening to them and eating a meal with them goes a long way to help them not feel so alone.
One thing that I am thinking about is what has happened to western culture, that people are so lost, so overwhelmed by all that is expected of them..that they literally don’t know where to turn. People are exhausted from trying to just stay employed and have their families, keep a roof over their head and food on the table. So many people seem to be just maintaining, just surviving-not thriving.
People in Wsetern cultures need as much help, as much compassion and acts of service as people from poor countries-yet, it’s so much harder to give it to 1st world folks. Why is this?
I have applied to the Catholic worker House in London, a radical catholic-teaching based group who has a shelter and soup kitchen in the city. (Radical in the sense that it is really committed to peace and justice issues and helping the poor and disadvantaged in the fringes of society)Hopefully I will be accepted to go there for a week.
If I get accepted to help out, this would greatly improve my outlook on England, which at the moment is rainy, dreary, and strange.
I’ll keep you all posted…
gigi
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