Adventures of the Featherbrained Freeloaders

It’s Monday afternoon in Mobberly and I’m finally getting down to business with this travel blog.

After a rough 14 hours of travel both Lisa and I were very thankful to escape the hip hugging, back twisting, neck bobbing seats of our half empty Boeing 767. Two lessons learned form the flight. Firstly, if there’s an empty row in front and an empty row in rear, be sure to claim them immediatly after the seat belt light is turned off. Be quick! If you don’t somebody will, and it may be a frizzy haired Londoner who lies prone for 8 hours snoring and farting all the way. Secondly, if you have the option, order the Kosher meal. Proof of Jewishness is not required, so you can leave the skull cap at home. Your reward will be a individually prepared dish of hidden delights, double the size of the ordinary assembly line plates your fellow passengers receive. In my case, Herbed Chicken Breast on a bed of fluffy Pilaf, complimented by a spicy blend of Coucous, Raisens and Taragon, followed by double chocolate brownie, all washed down with cold OJ. Yum!

Other then the food, not a lot of positive things to say about the flight, but I guess that’s the way of it. You’re pinned in an uncomfortable chair for hours on end, fitfully attempting to snooze but always getting bumped or jostled by annoyingly smiley staff and groggy old ladies. Than just when you think you’ve made it, Captain Bill Snow comes over the PA to report that heavy fog in Manchester has diverted your flight to Glasgow where you’ll sit on the tarmac for 3 hours in the hopes the sun will break through. Picture 500 people groaning in unison for an idea of the situation.
Our delay killed any mometum that was left, and it wasn’t til we caught sight of Judy and Pete that the adventure was back on. Judy is her tanned, fit and elegant self, happy to see us after a long time apart. Pete on the other hand is not in his most presentable state (I know some of you are questioning whether such a state exists). His right eye is a purple swollen mess. It looked like he’d been running his mouth off in a pub and pissed off a United fan, but in reality he’d just tripped over a dog bone and fallen headlong into an antique church pew. Though he’s a thick skull, that battle was won by the solid oak pew.

So we are now sitting comfortably in the living room of Parkside Cottage. Jetlag is a thing of the past after a much needed 14 hours of sack time, interupted only once by a 4am biscuit intermission. Tonight we’ll head to town for a pint and some grub at the Brewer’s Fayre. Before we leave, it’s essential that any shoes, bags or other personal affects are elevated above ankle height. If not, they risk becoming new chew toys for wee Jack or Jamie, who took a liking to one of dad’s shoes and left him with one extraordinary looking sandal.

Right, I’m off. Lisa sends her love to all friends & family back home. Likewise from dad and myself. More to come in days ahead but I’ll let you all know when I’ve posted something new. Feel free to comment, though don’t expect any special souvenirs as a reward.

Tags: Travel

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 1st, 2005 at 2:54 pm and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.