Devastating Disease Hits Southeast Asia, Not Bird Flu
There is a very dangerous and potentially fatal disease currently afflicting the residents of Southeast Asia (SEA). A disease so devastating, when it strikes, it can kill an otherwise healthy adult in an instant. I’m not talking about bird flu. But it’s because of bird flu that health officials in SEA are so determined to keep this disease a secret. They do not want the world to know that they are the epicenter of, now, 2 major fatal epidemics. So you will not see a report on the evening news tonight, or read about it in the latest health journal.
I have yet to actually see anyone with this disease, but I suspect it exists. In fact, I know it exists. And you better pray it never migrates to your country. I don’t know it’s official name, so I have given it a name. I call it, DITMOTR, an acronym for Dartinthemiddleoftheroaditis.
Those afflicted with DITMOTR will inexplicably leap out into the middle of the road for no reason, regardless of traffic. I believe there is not yet a cure for this disease, but I think it can be contained. So far it seems the only people officials have trusted with the containment of DITMOTR are bus drivers (big buses and minibuses) and long-distance taxi drivers.
Apparently the sound of a loud honking horn curtails the symptoms of the disease. So all bus and long-distance taxi drivers must honk their horns several times, according to preliminary standards set by the SouthEast Asia Health Department (SEAHD), whenever a person is within 5 meters of the road. This could be two people standing on their property near the road, discussing the results of the previous days football (soccer) games, or someone riding their bicycle, or motorbike, or someone pulling a load of coconuts in a wagon, or someone simply walking down the street near the road. No one is immune. And, it appears, what officials feared most, has happened. The disease has jumped spieces.
As a result, all bus driving schools have implimented an intensive 4-week course on proper horn honking standards. For instance, they are taught if the person near the road is an adult male, who is simply walking, as soon as the driver sees him they are required to give him a dose of 3 rapid honks, followed by 2 honks of a longer duration. A teenaged girl on a bicycle requires 5 successive quick honks, then 3 long honks, followed by one more quick honk. Very young children sitting naked on the side of the road will get a dose of rapid fire honks until you are safely passed. A chicken in the middle of the road only gets 2 quick honks. But a person riding a bicycle with 15 or more live chickens hanging upside-down from the bike, gets 7 honks of varying length. Under 15 chickens, only 4 honks. While a large pig or a cow in the middle of the road gets continuous honks until they move. If the driver must stop, then he stops.
So on a 7-hour long journey you will see the driver potentially save thousands of lives–tens of thousands if you pass a couple of small town markets–with his expert horn honking abilities. Of course, as a passenger on these buses and long-distance taxis, you might start to go a little crazy from all the honking, especially if you are sitting near the front of the bus, those horns are loud (not to mention the karaoke music and dubbed action movies). But when you think of all the lives that are being saved, you just gotta smile and shake the driver’s hand as you exit the bus or taxi, and say, “Thank you driver for saving all those lives.”
Like I said, pray this devastating disease doesn’t reach your country. If it does, get in your car and call SEAHD at 012-555-9286 from your cell phone. And when they answer, honk your horn 3 times for 3 seconds each honk. And tell them Mark sent you.
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P.S. I wrote this post shortly after leaving Cambodia. Having traveled in other countries now, I realize that this rampant horn honking appears to be most prevalent in Cambodia, but from what I’ve read in other posts it may also occur in Vietnam, but I haven’t been there yet. It does occur elsewhere, but with only a fraction of the honking as in Cambodia. So if you’ve only been in, say, Thailand and/or Laos, this post may confuse you, but for those who have traveled in Cambodia, I’m sure you get it. At least I hope you get it. I’ve also edited it to make it somewhat PETA friendly.
Tags: Asia, Cambodia, Markcs
Mark
not funny
hmm i agree with anon
quiet sad really
Nothing “quiet” about those horns Ben. Interesting that this post has been up for about a month, and suddenly it gets 2 comments within a minute of each other. Both from the exact same person, even though he/she would like you to believe it was two different people. But I accept the criticism just the same.
You don’t like the honking in SE Asia try Cairo Egypt or India! I like your writing. I said to myself, I like this kid!
Eunice
it reminds me of SAS with China
great blog, luv your perspective on travel in this country. whether people like it or not life’s a little crazy out ther on the roads, those horn honking bus drivers save lives each and every day…
This is pretty much the funniest thing I’ve read all day. I believe strands of this epidemic are located in Morocco also.