Paper tissues & Chickens
I have a cold.
I’ve taken some cold pills (which rarely, if ever, have any noticeable impact). Mostly though, I just need to blow my nose rather a lot. Such is the nature of a cold. Therefore, I need rather a lot of tissues. Not a problem, you may think. Oh, but it is.
I have an issue with the paper tissue. Firstly there’s the size thing. Tissue packets generally inform the discerning tissue-buying consumer of what “ply” their blowable sheet is. In the U.K, one gets regular 3-ply tissues, and “man-sized” 4-ply tissues. This has always puzzled me. Do men blow their noses harder? Is the fact that they are, on average, bigger than women mean that they can better carry the additional weight that a pack of 4-ply tissues must bring in comparison with a pack of 3-ply. The mind boggles.
Here in Vietnam, they’ve come up with the space-saving solution of 2-ply tissues. These have a slightly thicker density than air, and implode when breathed on with anything more than a whisper. They’re also called Pulppy. Which is what they become after being blow into. How endearingly cute. So I’ve had to survive with dear Pulppy until today, when I found some proper 4-ply, man-sized, all-singing, all-dancing tissues called Tempo.
Tempo. Not Jambo. One might get confused though. Jambo have ripped off the Tempo label, graphics and packaging. Then they’ve stuffed tissues which feel like they’re made of sandpaper inside. Blowing ones nose with a Jambo tissue is not a pleasant experience. I know. I’ve done it. The wholesale rip-off of a succesful products identity is not limited to the nasal arena in Vietnam. Several years ago a tour company called Sinh Cafe opened in Hanoi. They did well. So a whole bunch of other – & completelely unaffiliated – Sinh Cafe’s soon followed. The original now has a sign outside attesting that it is the original. The unoriginal “original” signs across the city are surely only weeks away now…
Which brings me to chickens. Not an easy leap to make one might think. Tissues and chickens? What could the connection be? Tissues for a cold. Cold is similar to the flu. Vietnam is chicken flu central.
Since November 1st, chicken has been illegal here. You can’t buy it, sell it, eat it, drink it or shag it. Life without chicken has been ok so far. There’s always dog or snake if you get really desperate. But the problem with having no chickens, is that nobody’s laying eggs. Its easy to forget that eggs dont grow on the supermarket shelves. And that’s where I was earlier this afternoon. By the supermarket shelves. I had a grand idea of making a chocolate biscuit cake. I needed chocolate. I found some Belgian style chocolate. Anything style has got to be better than the real thing. Especially when the real (imported) thing is sitting next to it and costs 6 times the price.
But no eggs = no cake = bowl of noodle soup for dinner.
And I still have a cold.
Tags: Bird Flu, Illness, Vietnam
The Dude
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