As at 29 March 2005

Countries visted: 16 - Malaysia, South Africa, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Ethiopia, Sudan, Egypt, Netherlands, Belgium, France, Luxembourg, USA, Colombia, Ecuador and Fiji.

Times across the Equator: 16

Methods Travelled: 18 - Plane, ferry, dhow, car, London Taxi, bongo van, raft, boda boda, river boat, punt, Russian taxi, bicycle, Ethiopian share taxi, camel, New York cab, Amazon canoe, horse, quad bike.

Airlines (and score): 8 - Malaysia (6/10), South African (8/10), Precision Air Services (2/10)*, Kenya Airways (8/10), Ethiopian Airways (3/10)*, KLM (9/10), Continental (3/10), Air Pacific (4/10), Qantas (7/10)

Aircraft Types Flown: 6 - 777(x2), 747 (x3), A319, 737(x8), 757, Fokker 50(x5)

Times Tyson or Louise has had to vomit and have diahorrea at the same time in a bumpy and cramped aircraft toilet: 1.5 (* see Precision Air Services and Ethiopian Airways)

Number of times Tyson has convinced locals his name is Barry/ Lord Walsingham: 7

Number of times Tyson has convinced locals that Peterborough and Booleroo Centre are major Australian cities: 1

Types of beer drunk: 40 - Anchor, Tiger, Heineken, Windhoek, Castle, Amstel, Tusker, Safari, Serengeti Premium, Kilimanjaro, Nile Special (puts Sally on her ass after 2), Club (Uganda), Bell, Senator, St. George, Meta, Dashen, Castel, Bati, Sakkara, Stella Lager, Meister, Meister Max (aka Headsmasher), Hoegarden, Maes, Hertog Jan Pilsner, Kronnenbourg, Palm, Jupiler, Guinness, Miller, Samuel Adams, St. Pauli Girl, Pilsener, Club (Ecuador), Fiji Bitter, Fiji Gold, Sapporo, Kirin.

Most paid for a beer: A$10.00 - Hoegarden, O'Neals bar W64th Street, NYC.

Least paid for a beer: A$0.15 - St.George Draught, Bahar Dar, Ethiopia

Most paid for a meal: A$160.00 - Lobster Ultimate Feast, Red Lobster, Times Square, NYC.

Least Paid for a meal: A$1.50 - Breakfast of 2 Omelette Rolls and 6 coffees, Cafe Vanilla, Axum, Ethiopia.

New animals eaten*: 4 - Ox, Kudu, Ostrich and Guinea Pig.

Longest Time Without Seeing McDonalds: 5 weeks

Thefts: 0 from 2 attempts

Times Louise or her father has thrown a wobbly and made the hotel give us stuff: 3

Current Pooh State:
Tyson - Medium Sized First World Logs. Smell Factor: 5/10
Louise - Horrfic Liquid: Smell Factor 9/10

Leprosy Status:Tyson - Negative but exposed
Louise - Negative but exposed

Tyson's Biggest Gross Out Moment: Leper in Addis Ababa with swollen fly infested leper leg (old lady pissing in the street in front of me in Gonder gets a dishonourable mention)

Louise's Biggest Gross Out Moment: (aside from the Leper in Addis Ababa with swollen fly infested leper leg). Waitress in Gonder standing in front of me picking her nose in place of a "hi, what can I get you?".

Current Level of Police Interest: Low

Photo Opportunities with Armed Goons: 4 from 5 attempts

Swankiest Hotel: Ten Bompas - Johannesburg (free "mini" bar, steam bath in room, dead animals on the wall)

Crappiest Hotel: Papyrus Hotel - Bahar Dar, Ethiopia (pool full of green sludge, no water, furniture fell apart, Louise gave the porter the finger on the way out)

Most Basic Lodgings: Red Chilli Rest Camp - Murchison Falls, Uganda (mud hut with warthogs grunting outside)

Best Overall Performing Budget to Mid Range Hotel: Nungwi Village Beach Resort - Zanzibar, Tanzania (great staff, great location, nothing was too much trouble)

Celebrity Sightings: Denzel Washington, the guy who played the grim reaper in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, Ted Levine, Peter Fitzsimons and Dennis Farina

Leaving New York behind with a battered credit card and the anticipation of a new adventure we set off for Ecuador.

Ecuador, home to some of the greatest wildlife on the planet, to spectacular scenery courtesy of the Andes and the Amazon and to an amazing culture. We thought it would be worth a visit on our trip but it's fair to say we have been completely blown away by the place.

It's also fair to say that we weren't really prepared for the Ecuador leg. My Spanish extends as far as "dos cerveza por favour" but Tyson's is much better (well he can count beyond the number of fingers anyway). Even still, we were pleased to leave all of the organisation with the fabulous Carlos and offsider Freddy during our Ecuador stint.

We booked a tour with Geckos before we left home and it was a great decision for two people who knew they'd be tired by the time March rolled around. What we got was a week of great company, loads of fun and a memorable adventure.

Our group consisted of six Aussies and a Canadian, a really nice bunch to be on the road with (and I'm not just saying that because I know they'll read this!) and the tour took us in a triangle through the middle of the country.

The first day was spent driving to the Amazon jungle, through small towns and a 'cloud forest' in the mountains. It wasn't your average road trip though, there were stops for the odd mountain top walk and a long soak in some truly spectacular hot springs. Just the thing for two people who had spent the previous day on a long haul flight.

Just as we started to aclimatise to the altitude we descended into the amazon jungle, where we stopped for a couple of days. It was hot, humid, muddy and full of bugs. Walking anywhere involved rubber boots and a lot of sweat, but it was well worth the experience.

At dinner on the first night I announced that I really wanted to see a tarantulla while I was there. Instantly I was guided to a furry mound on the wall near the bar. It moved. It was really big and hairy and moving... Yes, my wish was instantly fulfilled by some bizarre jungle creepy wish granting thing. I made no more wishes.

Actually tarantullas are pretty cool.

The next day was spent mainly in a boat exploring the Napo river system (which eventually becomes the Amazon river). A visit to the local school saw us drinking chicha and dancing with the kids which was a great experience.

A note on chicha. Chicha is one of the seemingly endless array of drinks we have been plied with in Ecuador. Each of them claims to be healing/hallucinagenic/sexual/spiritual. Most tasted pretty bad and all were alcoholic.

After blow dart practice, Tyson and I braved a dip in the river. As we got in Carlos assured us that there were no anacondas...or pihrranas...or fish that swim up your urethra...thanks mate...I feel much better about that now...

That afternoon we were treated to a really special experience. A trip to Amazoonica. This animal sanctuary was chock-a-block with Amazonian wildlife. There were monkeys all over the place, Capybarras (guinea pigs as big as a sheep), Ocelots, Peccarys and beautiful Toucans and Macaws. The sanctuary aims to rescue Amazonian species and release them into the local forest where possible. It was amazing to see all of these wierd and wonderful creatures at such close hand.

In the evening it was Shaman time. A local native Shaman was brought in who had been drinking hallucenegenic homemade hooch all day. He gave us all cleansing ceremonies which consisted of being smacked around the head with a bunch of leaves and then he sucks on your head! I'm not sure i felt cleansed after that experience!

Our Amazon experience ended the next morning as we climbed back into the highlands to the town of Banos. Banos sits at about 2000 meters above sea level and is a tourist playground. Hot springs, waterfalls, mountains, volcanoes, horse riding, quad biking, rafting and canyoning are all on offer here. With such a choice the group decided that the first activity should be getting drunk and salsa dancing. We took to our chosen task with gusto and i (Tyson) was pleased to introduce a version of the Soviet Ice Bomb to the Andean plateau. A group of us ended the night at 3am with a catastrophically bad karaoke version of Toto's "Africa".

The next day despite some sore heads Louise and i hit the trail on horseback. Up mountain passes and across rickety suspension bridges it was quite spectacular. Louise took some time to realise that her horse liked tough love and once she started to beat it within an inch of it's life it performed quite well. It was quite a highlight for both of us to be galloping at speed through the back streets of town (until my stirrup fell off).

That afternoon Louise was too tired to do anything else (turning a fine animal into a quivering pile of mince can really take it out of you) and so i went quad biking on my own. Two locals and i roared off from the hotel all of them unaware that i only have my L plates. The policeman i spoke to at the traffic lights in the centre of town didn't seem to mind. We sped up a corkscrew path on a mountain near town climbing 1000 meters for a great view of the Tacahuagaua (or something like that) volcano which was belching smoke and steam. On the way down my brakes were less than perfect but i returned to our hotel unscathed.

We bade farewell to Banos and headed to what would be a highlight of the whole 10 week world safari. Cotopaxi is the highest volcano in the world reaching an altitude of around 5800 meters (over 19,000 feet). The mountain is basically on the equator but is covered in snow, ice and glaciers all year round. Having been sweltering in the Amazon jungle 3 days earlier the snow and ice was quite a change. The altitude was also quite amazing. Breathing was more difficult but i was okay. The wierdest thing for me was that i could not walk in a straight line. I could walk in a corridor but i would have failed an American sobriety test! We climbed up to 4800 meters (15,700 feet) and observed the glacier creaking and cracking. It was spectacular! On the way down visibility started to decline dramatically and standing on a ridgeline looking down for our vehicle the metal on my jacket zipper started to hum. Clare (a fellow climber standing with me) and i immediately hit the deck and got off of the ridge which was hit by lightening shortly thereafter. Eventually everyone got back to the vehicle safe and sound and we all agreed that Cotopaxi is one of the most amazing places we have ever been. Special mention must go to Susan who has seen a few more seasons come and go than the rest of us. She worked very hard to get up to 4800 meters and did it with style. All of our group were and remain very impressed!

From Cotopaxi we headed back to Quito where it is safe to say we were all shattered but eagerly anticipating our next day which will now be known as The Great Latin American Shop 'til You Drop Fiesta Extravaganza and Rodent Grill.

Otavalo is a well known market town to the north of Quito. It has a whole world of nice things to buy and many of our friends here in Canberra now have trinkets from there. Louise and i, it is fair to say, went a little crazy. T-shirts, chess sets, crochet llamas and alpaca scarves were bought on a scale that should have interested the World Trade Organisation let alone the Australian Customs Service. From here we moved to lunch where i had the long awaited pleasure of sucking down a grilled guinea pig. It's like chicken with crackling! Fantastic. In the afternoon we went to a town that specialises in leather products. Jackets, bags, wallets and so on. I bought a very nice jacket for the princely sum of $80.

Our tour ended that night and we had a big Mongolian BBQ to celebrate. It was a well organised and well led tour and much credit should go to Carlos and Freddy who worked very hard to make sure everyone had a good time. We were very fortunate to have such a good group and Carla, Clare, Graham, Tanya and Susan were the best travel companions to crazy newly weds could wish for. TRUCHA!

Louise and i had a few more days in Quito to see the old city and other sights. The old city is beautiful and we had a lovely relaxed time wandering through the narrow streets inspecting old churchs and lazing in pretty plazas. The gold leaf decorations of the churchs were amazing and the tin soldier guards at the front of the Presidential Palace were (sorry to say it) cute!

Our final day came and we had the dubious pleasure of boarding another Continental flight (for the benefit of Google: Bad Airlines Continental) to Houston and then on to LA. Continental nearly lost our bags (Google: Lost Luggage Continental Airlines) and were generally a bit shit. LAX was it's normal disorganised disaster but after a few hours we were winging toward Fiji on Air Pacific with nice roomy exit row seats.

In Fiji we did little but swim, eat, drink, play golf and get massages. Air Pacific delayed our flight home by a day and eventually chartered a Qantas plane to come and get us. After 10 weeks and 16 countries we were back in Australia. The most amazing adventure i have have ever had was over. I am lucky that my partner in adventure can make anything fun!

As at 14 March 2005

Countries visted: 13 - Malaysia, South Africa, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Ethiopia, Sudan, Egypt, Netherlands, Belgium, France, Luxembourg, USA.

Times across the Equator: 9

Methods Travelled: 15 - Plane, ferry, dhow, car, London Taxi, bongo van, raft, boda boda, river boat, punt, Russian taxi, bicycle, Ethiopian share taxi, camel, New York cab.

Airlines (and score): 6 - Malaysia (6/10), South African (8/10), Precision Air Services (2/10)*, Kenya Airways (8/10), Ethiopian Airways (3/10)*, KLM (9/10)

Aircraft Types Flown: 5 - 777(x2), 747, A319, 737(x5), Fokker 50(x5)

Times Tyson or Louise has had to vomit and have diahorrea at the same time in a bumpy and cramped aircraft toilet: 1.5 (* see Precision Air Services and Ethiopian Airways)

Number of times Tyson has convinced locals his name is Barry/ Lord Walsingham: 7

Number of times Tyson has convinced locals that Peterborough and Booleroo Centre are major Australian cities: 1

Types of beer drunk: 33 - Anchor, Tiger, Heineken, Windhoek, Castle, Amstel, Tusker, Safari, Serengeti Premium, Kilimanjaro, Nile Special (puts Sally on her ass after 2), Club, Bell, Senator, St. George, Meta, Dashen, Castel, Bati, Sakkara, Stella Lager, Meister, Meister Max (aka Headsmasher), Hoegarden, Maes, Hertog Jan Pilsner, Kronnenbourg, Palm, Jupiler, Guinness, Miller, Samuel Adams, St. Pauli Girl.

Most paid for a beer: A$10.00 - Hoegarden, O'Neals bar W64th Street, NYC.

Least paid for a beer: A$0.15 - St.George Draught, Bahar Dar, Ethiopia

Most paid for a meal: A$160.00 - Lobster Ultimate Feast, Red Lobster, Times Square, NYC.

Least Paid for a meal: A$1.50 - Breakfast of 2 Omelette Rolls and 6 coffees, Cafe Vanilla, Axum, Ethiopia.

New animals eaten*: 3 - Ox, Kudu and Ostrich

Longest Time Without Seeing McDonalds: 5 weeks

Thefts: 0 from 2 attempts

Times Louise or her father has thrown a wobbly and made the hotel give us stuff: 3

Current Pooh State:
Tyson - Medium Sized First World Logs. Smell Factor: 5/10
Louise - Whatever it is it's big. Smell Factor: 6/10

Leprosy Status:
Tyson - Negative but exposed
Louise - Negative but exposed

Tyson's Biggest Gross Out Moment: Leper in Addis Ababa with swollen fly infested leper leg (old lady pissing in the street in front of me in Gonder gets a dishonourable mention)

Louise's Biggest Gross Out Moment: (aside from the Leper in Addis Ababa with swollen fly infested leper leg). Waitress in Gonder standing in front of me picking her nose in place of a "hi, what can I get you?".

Current Level of Police Interest: Medium (now related to Tyson's constant bad impressions of Lt. Cicirello of the NYPD)

Photo Opportunities with Armed Goons: 3 from 4 attempts

Swankiest Hotel: Ten Bompas - Johannesburg (free "mini" bar, steam bath in room, dead animals on the wall)

Crappiest Hotel: Papyrus Hotel - Bahar Dar, Ethiopia (pool full of green sludge, no water, furniture fell apart, Louise gave the porter the finger on the way out)

Most Basic Lodgings: Red Chilli Rest Camp - Murchison Falls, Uganda (mud hut with warthogs grunting outside)

Best Overall Performing Budget to Mid Range Hotel: Nungwi Village Beach Resort - Zanzibar, Tanzania (great staff, great location, nothing was too much trouble)

Celebrity Sightings: Denzel Washington, the guy who played the grim reaper in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey and Dennis Farina (he was on the street)

New York. NYC. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. Gotham. There is a lot of hype and self deification that surrounds this city and whether or not you like it or believe in it is certainly big.

This is my first visit to NYC and Louise's second. We got the usual prolonged and surly welcome from the Customs and Border Protection people at JFK and then hopped yellow cab into the city. Accomodation is at a premium (for some reason) and we snuck into a room near Times Square for the first night. The next day we searched for some longer term lodgings and found that most hotels were full or charging up to $700 a night. Fearing a flea pit or bankruptcy we finally found a hotel with reasonable prices with good reviews so we hooked it up. We found that the place was a very hip boutique hotel on the upper west side with the most comfotable bed ever and the most enormous wall mounted plasma television. Accidently perfect strikes again!

We have had a great time touring around and seeing the sites of this city. The USS Intrepid is a moored aircraft carrier with loads of aeroplanes (including a Concorde) that nearly moved me to a trouser contained adolescent expression of delight. We have also visited the Empire State Building (no i didn't spit off the top), the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. This city certainly has some spectacular attractions but if i get offered one more freaking audio tour i will send that person my audio tour of the day after 12 pints and a bad curry!

Thursday night we had dinner and many, many drinks with Tammy who is visiting New York as well. The darts game of "Hell" has been introduced to the US and like the bastards they are they have claimed victory in the first ever Australia v US match. Someone will have to come back and win it back Americas Cup style. After many beers and a convincing Lord Walsingham to a little English Twatt we got back to the hotel at about 4am. It was delightful but painful to see you again Tamster!

After the wedding mum and dad (Helen and David) genorously gave us some US dollars to go and see a show in New York. On Friday night we went to see Julius Caesar with Denzel Washington playing Brutus (Caesar was played by the guy that played the Grim Reaper in "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey"). It was an amazing production and the best Shakespeare that Louise and i have ever seen. A big thanks to my mum and dad for making that happen.

Yesterday was our last full day and we spent it in the fashion district giving our credit card an absoloute flogging. Good clothes are quite cheap here and Macy's was having a sale. When you have been travelling for a couple of months wearing the same damn clothes day after day it was pretty fun to step out in some new duds last night.

Today we fly down to Ecuador via Colombia to join our tour. We have had a cracking time in New York and it is a very fun city.

Hasta manana and stay tuned for Latin American adventures with your favourite intrepid travellers, Tyson and Louise. Proudly sponsored by Stoloicin - America's Favourite Stool Softener!

Goodbye third world and hello first world. We left Cairo in all of it's masogenistic confusion and arrived in highly organised but freezing cold Amsterdam. It was great to be somewhere where you don't get hassled in the street, don't have to haggle for a cup of coffee and where everything from your train to your hermaphrodite lap dance runs on time.

Amsterdam is a fun city and we had a good time looking around in the morning before heading back to Schipol airport to meet John and Marianne (THE IN LAWS!!!). Due to snow in Scotland (their point of origin) they were a few hours late but soon enough we got the hire car and sped down to Roosendaal. The Van Dongen clan put on a lovely Dutch dinner with all sorts of wonderful food and i practiced my ever expanding Dutch vocabulary. After dinner we went to the house that Mon and Betty had genorously organised for us in Zeeland where Louise and i were desperate for sleep. It was not to be. Upon getting into bed it promptly collapsed. While i can put my hand on my heart and say it was a structural problem with the bed try convincing your in laws of that when you are on your honeymoon!

We spent a couple of days touring around the south of Holland looking at sites of family interest for Louise and Marianne which was really good. Little towns covered in snow with windmills and frozen canals. It was a postcard of Holland in the wintertime and great for Louise to see for the first time.

On Friday morning we set off early for our whirlwind Northern Europe tour. We went first to Antwerp for breakfast and saw the beautiful old cathedral. Then we headed south to Brussles where we tried in vain to find the old town square and where we nearly met our end at the hands of Belgian drivers. We then motored towards France and settled on the town of Cambrai for the night. As navigator my inclination was that Cambrai was a nice old town but i was pleased to see i had underestimated it's beauty. It had snowed heavily and the town looked gorgeous. We found a little place for dinner (La Flambe') and ate snails, drank good French wine and discovered the new title holder for the greatest Creme Brulee in the world. Over dinner we discussed where we would go in the morning. Our plan had been to go to Reims, Luxembourg and then Cologne. This went out the window when we figured out that we were 180km from Paris!

Saturday morning we got in the car and John flogged that little Mondeo towards Paris. We navigated into the city and parked the car near the Gare du Nord railway station. From there we hit the metro and in a day with lots of walking and sightseeing we saw Notre Dame, the Louvre, the Champs Elysees, the Arc de Triomphe and the Eiffel Tower. Exhausted we retired for dinner and let Cambrai retain its Creme Brulee title (a close points decision). In the morning we found the car (thank god!) and headed east toward Luxembourg. We were all surprised by Luxembourg's beauty and Louise and i have decided we will have to move there. After lunch we drove through Belgium and back into Holland, had dinner with Mon and Betty and then finally got back to our little house in Zeeland. John was exhausted but did a great job driving through 4 countries in one day! The road trip was great fun. Coming up with stories about the people in the cars next to us, Marianne keeping us amused with her new and imaginative insults for foriegn drivers and Louise being maniacally excited or asleep, no in betweens! It was a really fun thing for the new family to do together. We capped off our time in Zeeland last night with John and i making the debut Sara-Biggs Zeeland Stew and having some more great French wine.

Now we are in Amsterdam again where we are resting up before hopping on the plane to New York tomorrow. Louise has a phone interview for a job tonight at about midnight our time so afternoon sleeps are in vogue. Stay tuned for some New York stories and then it's South America.

We miss you all.

Egypt is a land of amazing historical monuments and for this it is best known. We arrived in Cairo unprepared for these monuments or for the transition from sub-Saharan Africa to Arab North Africa. Our plane went from Ethiopia to Kenya and from there to Khartoum in the Sudan where we literaly ran down the stairs, touched the tarmac, shook hands with a policeman and then ran back up again. Finally we landed in Cairo and we were met by our hotel's driver thus avoiding a sea of taxi touts and hotel spruikers.

Our hotel is caled the Windsor and is the former British Officers club and Royal Baths. It is on a tiny side street opposite coffee shops crammed with shisha smoking, java swilling Arab men. It is fantastic. The Windsor retains a faded old world charm complete with antique but functional manual switchboard and manual elevator. The hotel has been the set to a couple of B-Grade Hollywood movies and Michael Palin stayed here (in our room apparently - insert grain of salt) when making his "Around the World in 80 Days" program for the BBC. All in all we quite pleased with our lodgings.

The day after we arrived, we were up early and headed off to see the Pyramids. Who knew they were here! We were grossly unprepard mentally for what we saw. We rode camels (as one does) around these truly amazing structures and tried to compute where we were and what we were seeing. Having come from the back blocks of northern Ethiopia it was proving a difficult adjustment made no easier by the fact that our camels were called Michael Jackson and Bad Louie. I can tell you that sitting on Michael Jackson's back looking at three monuments that were 2500 years old at the time of Jesus Christ can spin you out a bit!

That day we also visited some amazing medieval mosques, climbing up into the minaret of one for a magnificent view of an enormous city. Cairo is home to around 20 million people and stretches out in all directions as far as the smog will permit your eyes to see. We returned to the hotel still processing the sights and sounds we had seen.

We relaxed for a while before meeting our friend Courtenay who is studying here at the moment. We had a drink in the bar of the Windsor (a well known Cairo watering hole) and then headed out for some of the best food we have since leaving South Africa. After this we headed to the Cairo Jazz Club where we met some other expats and sucked down a few too many Meister Max beers. They are like a blocksplitter to the head the next day! It was a great night enjoyed by all except our cab driver home. Extortion doesn't pay when Louise Sara is on taxi duty!

The next day we headed....oh yeah the Meister max was still having it's effect. We didn't do a damn thing!

But the NEXT day we went to the Egyptian Museum or Abdul's Bargain Basement Antiquities Warehouse as it should be known. It is sad to say that a child visiting the tiny Egyptian room at the South Australian Museum would learn more about ancient Egyptian culture, society, burial practices and chronological history than in the Egyptian Museum in Cairo. It has a huge (perhaps too huge) wealth of antiquities but no explanation as to their origin or significance. We did see the famed Tutankhamun exhibition which was full of amazing objects including 110kg solid gold coffins and masks. I still know bugger all about who he was but the stuff was pretty! We also saw the Mummy Room which had a whole bunch of dead bodies in it. They were pretty cool and the look on some of the kid's faces was excellent.

The folowing day we did lots of walking and stumbled across the Khan Al Khallili which is a massive collection of windy lanes and home to a huge market. It was here that the Egyptian fascination with Louise's boobs really kicked off. There were several guys that followed us through the market (over the course of more than an hour!) trying to look innocent but ogling their eyes out. There was really not too much to buy either. Gaudy Egyptian kitsch was plentiful but there was little that you would feel comfortable displaying in your own home. It was, however, a fun wander through the bustling streets of the biggest Arab city in the world and we had a thoroughly good time.

Yesterday we arranged a driver and headed off to see more monuments. This time we saw Djoser's Pyramid, the Bent Pyramid and the Red Pyramid. Rather than being investment schemes for the narcoleptic, stoned and communist respectively they are in fact the oldest pyramids in Egypt.

The step pyramid of Djoser is the oldest stone structure in the world having been built in 2700BC. The successful construction of the step pyramid paved the way (pardon the pun) for the construction of the Bent Pyramid. The Bent pyramid initially had sides angled at 54 degrees. As they built higher they realised that those sides wouldn't hold and so the top of the pyramid has sides angled at 43 degrees and thus it's shape looks 'bent'. The final attempt was the Red Pyramid. This was built with sides angled at 43 degrees and sits beautifully. It was the model for the Great Pyramids at Giza which also have 43 degree sides.

We clambered into the Red Pyramid and I learnt something about the ancient Pharohs that I hadn't realised before. They went into these things lying down. I doubt that too many people working on them were six foot four because it was a tiny passage that went down into the depths of the tomb. Watching me walk through it you could be mistaken for thinking that I was about to start some sort of Cossack dance! The end result being that I have the sorest legs in the Arab world today!

Today we had planned a relaxed day of visiting the markets and the pyramids again. We decided to go and see if we could buy some travel guides for Europe and New York in the streets near our hotel. That is when our first dangerous encounter with an African snake occurred.

The fascination with Louise's western womanhood draws stares and leers but today as far as we can tell a charming young Egyptian man thought it would be lovely if he popped Uncle Happy out of his pants. As someone not averse to going 'dacks down' in public i am hardly one to be offended but this was a little different. He was brushing past Louise and I, fearful of groping or pickpocketing, got between him and her. I noticed a flash of something that in hindsight must have been skin pinker than that that normally bears the force of the Saharan sun. On grabbing him and demanding an explanation (Louise was still unaware of what had happened) he tried to show me he hadn't stolen anything but his demeanour was guilty about something. I couldn't see his fly as he kept it covered with his coat and he quickly made his exit. The more Louise and i dicussed it the more we came to the revolting realisation that she had had a close encounter of the genital kind. This website would never make ethnic generalisations but it is fair to say that all Arab men are filthy minded, sex starved pigs and there is little room for redemption except for them to be driven into the sea and wiped from the memory of the rest of the planet. After our encounter with his handsome lady killer we saw no reason to venture much more on to Cairo's streets today.

Overall Cairo has been a fun colourful city of beautiful architecture, a shawarma on every corner and a bustle that resembles New York in a headscarf. We fly out tonight to Amsterdam and we gleefully await the anonymity that travel in the First World will bring. We have seen alot of museums and they are generally bad. Their monuments are spectacular but poorly cared for (including ancient hyroglyphics freshly covered in the urine of an antiquities policeman). The people in the street are obnoxious, extortionate and obstructive. And yet we have had a really good time here. Go figure.

I think alot of this has to do with our excellent hotel and our love of an anecdote. Mr Street Doodle will be talked about for years to come.

She's asleep upstairs which gives me some time to write this. I wanted to put down some thoughts about Louise that i have had since the wedding.

As most of you reading this will know Louise had a tough time last year getting sick and getting better. There have been a few times on this trip when the vision of my girl in the Sydney hospital bed has flashed before my eyes. It has done so because that gown clad girl with glasses on her face and drip in her arm won. She beat cancer so well it is as if she is now just rubbing it in!

The same girl that couldn't walk to the shops and back eight months ago is now crashing at speed through the central African jungle behind a group of wild mountain gorillas. The girl that spent weeks curled up on the couch as radiation did it's worst is now careering down a potholed Ethiopian road on a clapped out bicycle weaving through herds of cattle. The girl that showed no fear in the face of major surgery is now relaxed enough to say that being chased by a Hippo in the Nile scared the crap out of her!

These contrasting experiences are what make the images of my beautiful girl in a hospital bed come to mind. It says everything about who she is and why i love her. Her strength, her beauty and her uncompromising quest to get the most out of an experience.

I write this because so many of you saw the girl in the hospital bed or the girl that couldn't walk to the shops and I know that you will be as proud of her as i am.

For me, seeing her walk down the aisle at Ayers House, it was difficult to believe that i could feel more for her than at that moment . That feeling, though great, now runs second to the sight of my beaming wife, covered in leaves and sweat, pointing excitedly (as only she can) to the wild gorillas ten feet away.

The hospital bed, the radiation and the anxiety were gone.

They were faded memories of a battle won.

And i have never loved her more.

As at 26 February 2005

Countries visted: 8 - Malaysia, South Africa, Tanzania (pronounced Tan-zany-a), Kenya, Uganda, Ethiopia, Sudan (I did a short dance on the tarmac much to the amusement of a Sudanese airport policeman), Egypt.

Times across the Equator: 9

Methods Travelled: 14 - Plane, ferry, dhow, car, London Taxi, bongo van, raft, boda boda, river boat, punt, Russian taxi, bicycle, Ethiopian share taxi and camel.

Airlines (and score): 5 - Malaysia (6/10), South African (8/10), Precision Air Services (2/10)*, Kenya Airways (8/10), Ethiopian Airways (3/10)*

Aircraft Types Flown: 5 - 777, 747, A319, 737(x5), Fokker 50(x5)

Times Tyson or Louise has had to vomit and have diahorrea at the same time in a bumpy and cramped aircraft toilet: 1.5 (* see Precision Air Services and Ethiopian Airways)

Number of times Tyson has convinced locals his name is Barry: 6

Number of times Tyson has convinced locals that Peterborough and Booleroo Centre are major Australian cities: 1

Types of beer drunk: 23 - Anchor, Tiger, Heineken, Windhoek, Castle, Amstel, Tusker, Safari, Serengeti Premium, Kilimanjaro, Nile Special (puts Sally on her ass after 2), Club, Bell, Senator, St. George, Meta, Dashen, Castel, Bati, Sakkara, Stella Lager, Meister, Meister Max (aka Headsmasher)

Most paid for a beer: A$6.50 - Coopers Pale Ale, Adelaide International Airport

Least paid for a beer: A$0.15 - St.George Draught, Bahar Dar, Ethiopia

Most paid for a meal: A$120.00 - Multi course traditional dinner, Emerson and Green Hotel, Zanzibar.

Least Paid for a meal: A$1.50 - Breakfast of 2 Omelette Rolls and 6 coffees, Cafe Vanilla, Axum, Ethiopia.

New animals eaten*: 3 - Ox, Kudu and Ostrich
(* - Egyptian restaurants are exempt from this category as travellers must be aware they are being served cat, dog or rat not merely suspect it.)

Longest Time Without Seeing McDonalds: 5 weeks

Thefts: 0 from 2 attempts

Times Louise has thrown a wobbly and made the hotel give us stuff: 2

Current Pooh State:
Tyson - Big First World Logs. Smell Factor: 3/10
Louise - Who knows it's been a few days. Smell Factor: ?/10

Leprosy Status:
Tyson - Negative but exposed
Louise - Negative but exposed

Tyson's Biggest Gross Out Moment: Leper in Addis Ababa with swollen fly infested leper leg (old lady pissing in the street in front of me in Gonder gets a dishonourable mention)

Louise's Biggest Gross Out Moment: (aside from the Leper in Addis Ababa with swollen fly infested leper leg). Waitress in Gonder standing in front of me picking her nose in place of a "hi, what can I get you?".

Current Level of Police Interest: Medium (mostly related to Louise's boobs in an Arab country)

Photo Opportunities with Armed Goons: 3 from 4 attempts

Swankiest Hotel: Ten Bompas - Johannesburg (free "mini" bar, steam bath in room, dead animals on the wall)

Crappiest Hotel: Papyrus Hotel - Bahar Dar, Ethiopia (pool full of green sludge, no water, furniture fell apart, Louise gave the porter the finger on the way out)

Most Basic Lodgings: Red Chilli Rest Camp - Murchison Falls, Uganda (mud hut with warthogs grunting outside)

Best Overall Performing Budget to Mid Range Hotel: Nungwi Village Beach Resort - Zanzibar, Tanzania (great staff, great location, nothing was too much trouble)

The travellers have returned to Addis which means warm showers, busy streets and importantly internet access!

We have just had the most amazing week in the north of the country. Tourism is a pretty new concept here (as our destinations have been war zones as recently as 15 years ago) and that is a mixed blessing. It means that there are few facilities but at the same time we got many attractions all to ourselves (we had to laugh when we got a bit cross that we had to share a church with some other faranjis one day).

Bahar dar
Attractions: Blue Nile Falls, monasteries on Lake Tana

Ethiopian airports are very special places, seven people do the job of one person, there are frequent power failures (meaning luggage cannot be scanned and must be manually searched) and everyone has to check in 2 hours before the flight. Planes rarely run on time.

Anyway, once we managed to arrive in Bahar dar (2hrs late) we checked into the very crappy Papyrus Hotel. It's main attraction was supposed to be the huge swimming pool in the middle of the central courtyard. It was empty (except for some green sludge).

We checked out the town and met some local lads (faranji fever gets even more intense outside Addis and can be quite exhausting). One took us mountain bike riding up the hill outside town to Haillie Selassie's 1960s palace. The path took took us through villages, the requisite number of cow herds, across the Nile River and up the hill. Getting a bit tired on the way up, there were only too many boys willing to run behind me pushing me up the mountain. Very funny.

The mountain, it seems was not the main attraction, we were informed that we had to go down the other side and have a ride in a papyrus boat. These boats are flimsy and look like they might sink at any time.

Of course we got in and the ride began. "See the hippos?" the 'guide' (read local teenager) said.

They were pretty hard to miss.

He happily started paddling the boat in their direction. Tyson and I started to get nervous. Hippos kill more people in Africa than any other animals. Closer and closer still. These hippos are not dangerous. The boy said.

We were unconvinced.

What started as about three hippos grew to ten as they lifted their heads out of the water one by one. Then one by one they ducked...the only thing worse than looking at a bunch of huge dangerous animals nearby is knowing that they are there and not being able to see them!

Then a head popped up, it was much closer. It disappeared, then emerged closer still.

Tyson and I, while being brave are not entirely stupid. We made it very clear that the boat ride was over and that we wanted to be back on land now. Being chased by massive hippos, while making a great anecdote is a bit too frightening. I don't care what sort of assurances the local lads give!

Next day. A boat ride through beautiful Lake Tana to the island monasteries. 13th century churches full of unique (almost comic book) paintings of bible stories, housing amazing antiquities (1000 year old goat skin books that the locals are only too happy to flick through and show you). Part of you feels that these old books crosses and crowns should be in a museum until you understand that these things are used daily for masses and are very important to the local comunity. Sometimes you really do feel like you are in the middle ages here.

Blue Nile falls are not much to speak of. While once a powerful and beautiful site, now 90% of the falls are diverted through hydroelectric power generators leaving not much more than a trickle. Good for locals not so good for tourists.

That night saw the "Tyson and Louse Bahar Dar inaugral pub crawl". The night saw frosty beers on tap for about 15c each, Tyson claiming his name was Barry and that Peterborough is the most important city in Australia, running races with the local kids, getting kicked out of a brothel ("Tyson, I just went to the 'toilet' out the back and I think this is a brothel". A quick scan at the room and all of the scowling faces made it pretty clear.."would you like us to leave?", we asked "yes," came the reply "what I mean is we can go"..."yes, Leave") and walking home chewing on some sugar cane bought off the street.

Gonder
Home of 16th century castles and a town that can only be described as Italian Fascist Art Deco. Cool town but you couldn't walk down the street without 400 people wanting money, pens, T-shirts, food, or anything else that you were willing to give. Bloody annoying. The best thing about visiting the ruins was the peace and quiet.

Axum

Attractions: Home of the Ark of the Covenant, ancient tombs (many of which remain unexplored) and the palace of the Queen of Sheba.

Axum is hot and dry, kind of like Whyalla but with better footpaths. It's full of people who are really excited to talk to you but who don't necessarily want anything (a very pleasant change from Gonder).

First stop. The northern Axum stelae field.
This field is one of a few around town, but this is the most famous (I'm sure a google search would provide more details for those interested souls). The steles tower above the field and cover ancient tombs (around the 5th century AD). We were the only people in the field and wandered around and into the open tombs. Armed with torches were headed below ground feeling like true explorers.

Further up the hill (which of course we ascended in the heat of the day) we got to two very special tombs of old Axumite Kings, which the local guardian showed us very exctedly with (he had a whole 5 words of english). As I ducked to get through to another room Tyson said "look out for the bats"..."where?"..."they are flying over your head". I kept my cool like the true Tomb Raider i am! (Tyson got quite excited when i referred to myself as Tomb Raider. I had better by a lycra bodysuit!)

Just near here is the church of St Mary of Zion. The grounds (in most of which women aren't allowed) include the new and old churches and a small chapel. The chapel is of major significance to the Ethipian people as it houses the Ark of the Covenant. That's right, the Catholics, protestants and jews don't know where it is, but the Ethiopians claimed to have stolen it from Jerusalem in about the time of King Solomon and it resides in Axum. One monk reputedly guards the Ark and once appointed stays in the chapel with it until he dies. He is the only person who can look at the tablets without bursting into flames. The current guardian has been there for around 25 years.

The other side of town boasts another stelae field and the ruins of what locals believe was the palace of the Queen of Sheba though the ruins are 1500 years younger than she. The high point of our visit here was the old guard and his AK-47. He was happy to have his photo taken with Tyson, giving Tyson his gun to hold. I was then passed the gun to feel its weight. I had never held a gun before so to be given a kalashnikov and shown the loaded magazine was quite an experience. I did a bit of weightlifting with it which the guard thought was quite a lark. He was more than happy when we gave him 6 birr of the experience (around $1).

Lallibella
Attractions: Rock hewn churches (think Petra)
Lallibella was certainly a high point of the trip. It is a small medieval town of about 8,000 people. It is a place of pilgrimage for Ethiopians and known as "new Jerusalem" and "the holy land". The churches here defy understanding. These quite large churches have been chiselled entirely out of rock and stand today largely as they did in the 13th century. The most amazing part though is that they are still in use.

We set off to see the churches at around 7am on Sunday (just in time for mass). What we saw stands as one of the single most amazing experiences of my life. Approaching the main church we heard chanting and were treated to not only an amazing structure, but it was completely surrounded by people cloaked in white chanting and praying. All we could do is stop and take it all in. The rock outside the church, once full of tombs now house monks and hermits who live in holes in the rock, some no larger than 6 feet deep by 2 feet wide.

Inside we (and our new Norwegian friends Svein, Mia and Marit) were the only visitors and passed without anyone really noticing. The drums and chanting continued as it has for hundreds of years. Mia whispered to me "I feel like we are moving among ghosts" and as we looked across the white bodies in the darkened church which smelled of age and frankinsence, it was a good explaination.

There are 11 churches in the town and each one is amazing in itself. This is a place of legends and we couldn't help but imagine a cracking Indiana Jones movie set among the tunnels, bridges castles and caves of this amazing place.

We met some really great travellers here too. There are so few faranjis who get to see these amazing sights. We all felt so lucky and awed.

We were sad to leave yesterday, but at the same time, we're bound for Cairo this afternoon. We are both really excited about the next chapter of our adventure (although this time we'll be dealing with bus loads of fellow tourists and a less gentle street environment!).

Oh, one more thing I meant to include in the facts about Ethipia post, it's seven years ago here! It's still 1997 as they have a 13 month Julian style calendar. It's also six hours ago, or maybe I'm six hours behind because for them the day starts at our 6am. I always ask for European time!

So, stay tuned for Cairo Chaos, more facts and figures, and another edition of "Ohmygod!".

And so the travels continue...

There's been so much to do and see in Addis. Museums, cathedrals and palaces are dotted right around the city and they tell the story not only of Ethiopia as a country, but of human evolution and civilisation. Ethiopian history is intertwined with ancient myths and biblical references which makes it a more fascinating place to ponder.

We've checked out the ethnographic museum which tells the story of the Ethiopian peoples, religions, lifestyles and rituals. This museum is housed in
Hailie Selassie's old palace (which saw its share of bloodshed over the years). We've also seen the Addis Ababa museum (Addis Ababa means 'new flower' curious...).

The cathedrals have also been a real treat and we've learned so much about the Ethiopian Church in the short time we've been here.

It's been wandering around and meeting the locals that has been the most fun. Grubby streets full of children who will ask for 'one birr' but will crack up if given a smile and a handshake. All of this touring has been in spite of the Lonely Planet Guide to Ethiopia and Eritrea which has been fairly useless. Information for arriving travellers was wrong, information on banking was misleading and unclear, the maps are unclear and poorly laid out and some of the sections (including that on food) seem to be written by people that don't really like Ethiopia that much. All in all pretty poor form from the Lonely Planet gang and it is not a guide book i would recommend to other travellers.

The shop owners have been a real mix between pushy and abusive to really friendly and eager to sit and talk with us. One such place is Yohannes Degefu Souvenier Shop on Churchill Road. Home to good quality Ethiopian handicrafts and two really nice guys. We visited them again yesterday and were immediately ushered in for a coffee. Relaxing with these men away from the heat of the day was lovely and we had a nice chat before we got down to serious souvenier buying business.

This done they asked us if we had tried 'chat' a local plant that Ethiopians chew. No, we warily answered (we had read something about the plant's supposed properties, we knew it was legal and particularly popular in the countries artistic community). A branch of a tree was handed over and so we obliged (not wanting to seem rude).

We soon learned that chewing chat is a pretty fun pastime. Like caffeine, it gives you a bit of a kick and leaves you feeling alert and sharp of mind. The two men thought that Faranjis chewing chat was pretty funny. The Faranjis were pretty amused by the whole experience too.

It's our last day in Addis today and we're really looking forward to the next week. We're taking on the historic route. Bahar Dar (near Blue Nile Falls), Gonder, Axum and Lalibella (home of monasteries, castles and rock hewn churches) should prove again to be fantastic experiences (not sure what net access will be like though, so stay tuned).

Till then it's farewell from the Faranjis with the sandle tan.