Dublin to Morocco

Left off in Wroclaw.  Ate a pound of gummy candy and felt like shit.  Gay Bar.  So Laura and I decided to head out into the Wroclaw night looking for this one gay bar I looked up on line called “Pink Inside”.  Raunchy, I know.  It was supposed to be a gay and lesbian bar…but Pink Inside sounded more lesbian than gay…Laura came to the solution that the gay bar would have been called “Brown Inside”.  makes sense.  After about 30 minutes of looking for this bar we decided to call it quits, it didn’t exist, we found this out later.

On our way to walking to another club we passed up an old lady-man-thing trying to light a cigarette..”you need a match?”  She grabs the matches and as soon as she turns toward us a little we notice that the cigarette is made of metal and inside of the cigarette was not tabacco, but..yes… crack.  hmmm. “my god, it’s a fucking crackpipe” I kinda smiled sheepishly as my eyes darted around the street corners looking for police presence. We stood there and waited while she smoked her shit.  The last thing I wanted was to be arrested in Wroclaw, Poland for smoking crack on the corner at 12 am in the morning with some burnt out gnome looking lady. Laura was hesitant about taking the matches back, but she did.  But we love to help people….choose your poison.   Anyway, so off to another club called Scena but it wasn’t Scena anymore but it still was pretty flamin.  It was kinda hidden, which I think was a good idea, since a street entrance/exit would probably have caused trouble for the clientèle..ie: beatdowns.

Poland is about 12 years or so behind in the music arena.  After watching everyone go nuts to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, I came to a realization that I was in the ninth realm of Hell.  All that was missing was Satan in a thong flicking his wrist and doing a dance to “La Vida Loca”……which they did play.  Met some nice people from the club.  One of them was “Hanna” who was a transsexual who called herself a diva.  She asked me why the hell we were in Wroclaw  and I really couldn’t answer her in straight terms…other than that we were curious, but in the back of my mind I wondered…”why the hell are you staying in Wroclaw?”    Anyway.  Went to another bar in the center, seen some guy literally get kicked in the ass by some meat head…the guy just stood there..I shouted “hit him back!”  we dispersed…was supposed to meet them the next day but we were too tired …. felt bad about that, hope they didn’t wait too long for us not to show up.

Back to Prague for a day to catch a plane to Eindhoven, which is about a two hour train ride from  Amsterdam.   Went out with some Swedes in Prague, Laura stayed behind.  After being heckled numerous amounts of times by prostitute pushers, we made our way to Europe’s tallest..or largest…or some shit like that club.  1st floor, dudes on the dance floor, 2nd floor, more guys on the dance floor, but on this one they were grinding each other.  3rd floor, same, 4th kinda the same……..the Swedes were all straight and did not find this too amusing….”fucking fags everywhere” they kept saying…..oh great, here we go, and this wasn’t even considered a gay bar.  We paid some rediculous amount to get in so they didn’t want to leave since it was already pretty late.  So…..these were the type of guys who’ve known eachother since they could pop boners and really never got past that stage,  circle jerk anyone?  They were dead weight to me and I dreaded hanging around them just for the fact that I’d have to announce my sexuality eventually….which I did, but to have to have it come down to that point is awkward.  They seemed to change their tone a little and started dancing in a circle with eachother,  I sparked up a chat with this sexy lady next to me and out of spite and a desperate need to get away from them we started mock swing dancing to “Mambo #5”, it was a spectacle.  I guess Prague is behind also.  I could feel their uneasiness burning me another asshole..it was great, losers.

Got outside, drunk as hell, big burly Swedish guy comes up to us….can’t remember the dialogue much but what I do remember is making a gesture involving my pelvis and my hand miming his head in between…..he wanted to beat my ass but I’m not sure why he didn’t.   Maybe he thought gay was contagious by touch or something of that nature.  Oh yeah, Michael Jackson died that day.

The airport had a bunch of refreshments for our flight.  Drank about four or five glasses of champagne and some sandwiches.  Arrived in Amsterdam.  Laura knew this guy by the name of Brom there so he let us stay with him.  One of the things I really wanted to do while in Amsterdam was smoke my brains out, which is what pretty much everyone does, cliche.  I haven’t smoked in over two and a half years so I was curious to see how it would affect me.  “I’ll take a gram of the Grey Mist, and A Gram of the Swami 49828u08993”     Smoked my brains into mush the whole three days…and I can honestly say I’m done with it.  I was walking and reading a map at the same time when suddenly a pole jumped in front of me and smashed my nuts.  Laura laughed, and so did the people in the car who were turning.  Sat in Dam Square and watched about twenty deals go down.  I remember last time I came to Amsterdam: first 2 nights of no sleep,broke, rain, on the street talking to junkies at 4 am in the morning. flashback. ahh.   Seen some prostitutes in the windows yadda yadda yadda.  They make a lotta money.  15 euro for  blowjob, 30 for sex, and extra for : different positions, different holes, and also extra for if you want her to pretend that she likes it……foul.  One guy in Budapest told me that whores are not real people.  First off, I don’t agree with the word  “whore”, and second, really, what makes your pathetic excuse for a life seem so much better than theirs?  Cause you’re a man?  I can’t stand that shit.  These girls that are in these windows have probably been shitted on by men their whole lives. Fuck you!

Went on another free tour.  The dutch don’t really like tourists.  They would ride by on their bikes and yell ” don’t beleive a word she saying, she’s lyin” to the tour group.  It was the first time I really felt like an asshole tourist.  Here we are standing in this little huddle listening to someone else tell us what we could find out ourselves….but it was free so whatever.  In the middle of the red light district is a church.  Back in the day Amsterdam was a common place for sailors to go and do the deed, but before or after they did, they would stop inside the church and repent for forgiveness for what they were doing with these girls, so therefore they could have a clear conscience before they got back on the ship and had to resume to blowing eachother.

Met a fellow United Statesian from Grand Rapids, MI , Joe, that we met on the tour.  Got tipsy, had a good time.  Got lost on our way to the bus station the next day.  We walked about an hour and half with our bags on.  How do the obese do it?  You know the ones who have a sack where their navel should be, and it swings back and forth, and the heavy breathing…..etc.   It must be hard.  I would just lie in bed all day and get filthy fucking fat.  “I need some more Oreos, get the crane”.

We were supposed to take a plane back to Prague and then a bus to Wroclaw and then up to Gdansk, Poland and then Warsaw…but we decided fuck it.  We had enough of Poland.  Thanks for the peirogies, and Hannah.  So we decided on London.  I smoked a joint while walking to the bus leaving for London.  I’m sure I wreaked of it and looked like a chinese man with cerebral paulsy but I didn’t want to waste the  bud….I paid good money for that.  The driver must have been suspicious of me and told security at the border.  Laura said she heard him saying something about someone smoking marijuana on the bus….ooops.  Everything was fine though….I had nothing on me, pigs.

Got to London, seen a paper on the train or “tube” saying London gay pride was this weekend.  Nice, something to do.  Staying with Alex, a guy I met in Kracow who offered his house to us.  Super host.  Made us dinner, toured us around a bit. and over the top accomodating.  I’ve noticed on this trip how not very rare it is to meet genuinely nice people.

BBC is just as brainwashing as Fox except BBC gives you a little more detail.  So golden boy Obama is sending 4000 troops to Afghanistan.  Gee, didn’t see that coming…wink wink.  Read that he is upping  precautionary defenses for the Swine flu virus to 300% even though there is no real evidence that it will be an epidemic or pandemic .  Do I smell a mandatory vaccine coming our way?   I am not getting it.  I have no idea what they’d be pumping into my body.  no way!

“I’m the man, you’re the man, and he’s the man as well”

So there is a heat wave this week in England…something like 80 degrees.  People are shitting their pants over this.  A bunch of pale as crackers complaining about how sweltering hot it is.  They have  a picture in one of the papers of an elephant laying on the ground supposedly suffering from this blistering heat wave.  halarious.  The damn thing is from Asia, he is just taking his elephant nap.  The papers are still calling Michael Jackson  “Jacko” and “Wacko”……but these papers are consider tabloids like the ones in the states, but here in London they pass them out on the streets like they were Red I’s.  weird..

Gonna go on another free tour tomorrow.  Art museums, and back to the hair cuttery place I went to today that shaved me a mohawk but it looks more like a squirrel tail laying on top of my noggin.  It’s a little off centered too….

“2009, another fake election, another fake politician, another distraction brought to you by your fake t.v. station, number one source of manipulation, number one source of fake information, load’em all up into the concentraition- camp, god damn uncle sam, I am a man, I’m not just a number, I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am gonna make a stand, fight the fascists and the hidden hand, fight the new world plan, fight religion and the vatican. ”

Anyway.  On a more personal note:  I’ve got a case of the turtle head.  I’m out.

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