PICTURE! PICTURE! LONGHAIR! BEAUTIFUL! 5 YUAN!!
REMEMBER: CLICK ON PICS!
So i met this businessman from Tehran, we’ll call him Ray because later on i will be blogging about our tea time together in which we discussed many things, including the Mullahs in Iran. He is an amazing person and i will be adding his country to next years trip, as long as Bush doesn’t decide to fuck up a 4th country.* He’s the other foot in a prior post.
We travelled together from Yangshuo to the Pingan rice terrace area of northern Guangxi province, where we meet some ladies in pink who terrorized us. Pingan is a protected area for the minority Zhuang & Yao peoples who live there. It is one of those MUST GO places.
Which means in summer han chinese tourists (&westerners) overrun it. It was nice for us though. We arrived by bus at the tourist checkpoint, a 5-10 minute hike up to the village. Little old local ladies will carry up your luggage in baskets on their back for 10 yuan ($1.25) This is a breeze compared to the rice, wood, roots & vegetables they carry all over the valleys! They also are carrying THE LONGEST HAIR IN THE WORLD, which they of course will unravel for you for pictures. As you move across the village terraces, small gangs of these pink traditionally dressed old ladies accost you. They are very happy, very insistant & very strong.
After we found a hotel, Ray and I took off for what a sign said was “VIEVPOINT #2”. Along the way we encountered said pink terrorists. Ray pulled out his camera to videotape them, not hearing me say “They want 5 yuan for it!” (They fail to mention up front this priceis for EACH WOMAN IN THE PICTURE.) Ray handed them 2 yuan, walked off and the oldest one in the bunch grabbed and held my forearm with the strongest gentlest grip i have ever known outside masturbation. I pulled & she didn’t move an inch. And she smiled the whole time. They all smile. I resorted to charades. They want me to take picture? i have wife (Ring on finger motion)!, wife jealous (grimace, fist)!, wife kill me (hands to neck)!…ha ha ha…they loved it. Better to be happy than be mad…i got away…
the sunset up top was gorgeous. 
Ray had to leave the next day on business,the same local porter woman showing up right @ 10:30 as per prior arrangement. So i hooked up for a deeper day hike with a some israeli, italian, & english folks(please forgive if i left someone out!). We encountered another group of pink terrorists who led us up a shortcut to VIEVPOINT#1 overlooking a viev called Seven stars accompany the moon. Once up top the trading harrassment began–our standard reply of “Bu yao!” (“i don’t want!) ignored but i was singled out for extra attention, the ladies taunting me with You! Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Zhuangxei! Long Hair! & then i recognize this new group as the ladies from yesterday! & i realize that yesterday i was not saying Bu Yao but some variation like Bui yao shawlerrr: not now-tomorrow! And it is now tomorrow! And they are looking at me and my nice profitable group to be led to their village for -who knows…I say “No no zhangxei village, OK?” “OK!OK!” and they follow us down the trail, happy, happy, happy!
My group grows quickly tired of them. I’m thinking they were just on their way back home from yesterdays’ profit taking. Harrassing us just for fun as much as for money. When we get to a pretty clearing overlooking a pond, we stop. They stop. We sit down in protest. They sit down & start eating berries. After a few minutes i’m thinking my friends are gonna blame me for this so i ask if they want them gone. YES. I check my ipod for suitable chinese phrases and stand up. “”Bu hao! (Not Alright!) No long hair! No Zhaungxei! Bu hao!” Smiling faces eating berries. “NO VILLAGE! PICTURES-BU HAO! LONG HAIR-BU HAO!” LAughter…chatter…berries. So…its time for charades. I jump around, gestering: “My friends here (pointing)-NOT HAPPY! (Clown grimace face) Friends (pointing to each one) HATE Me! Long Hair Bu hao! Friends kill me! (Mimic getting knifed in the back repeatedly) No long hair no zhaungxei no pictures no beautiful! Friends(point -grimace)kill(knife)me(point to self)! BU HAO! BU HAO BU HAO! Repeat. My gestering getting wilder as they chatter & laugh (Hey i’ll take ANY audience). Response: “HA HA HA! LONG HAIR!” Smiling-happy-laughing faces. OK, better than before.
We stand up. They stand up. We walk, they walk. We stop, they stop. Laughter. Two of us start running, me shouting run away! run away! And After a minute we seem to have lost them, along with half our group. We reassemble & move on, now the ladies following quietly behind. ok. Truce. Tim makes a crown out leaves to protect himslef from the sun. We enjoy the journey better. After 30 minutes or so we come to a spot overlooking the next valley. The pink ladies chatting, picking berries & offering us some (tasty). One presents me with my own crown of leaves, my poor placement of which is fussed over and corrected. OK- Now its a peace agreement. I wonder to Tim if this might be some sort of The Man Who Would Be King scenario…We move on. it is all spectacularly warm & beautiful.
AT THE VILLAGE: Trailing at the end of the group, i watch as the pink ladies lead the front to their part of the village…i shout: “I’m all for whatever’s next..but whatever it is they’re gonna wanna get paid!”
It was great.
*HEY KIDS_WANNA WIN A PRIZE***? Click on the COMMENTS button below and submit YOUR guesses as to which 4 countries i’m writing about!
***There is no prize.
Tags: Travel
mountainattitude
Comments…because i reaally want to feel your pain.
Hey Dan
Yeap, we have not met before. But I met “Ray” later on, during a 2 day boat ride down the Mekong in Laos. He suggested that I check your site out, and yep, I am glad I did. Is that hooch on your head?
Anyways glad to know there are other diplomats from the states who understand the value of communication. Ray said you live in Tahoe? I live in SF, so if you ever get my way, maybe we can sit a spell and chew the cudd. Keep on trucking Brother!
Cheers, Chris