Nothing to declare but my freedom, baby!

Sorry for lack of updates: Lets start back in early November:
So i buy this Suzuki motorcycle from the Tahoe Sherpas….so the chain falls off the first day 7 km down a dirt road…so two days after that the electric goes out @ 9:00 a.m. Just as this happens i spot a sign that says “Suzuki”, so i turn in quickly, my stupid useage of front brake on gravel resulting in a dramatic entrance of my wiping out @ 8 km/hr in front of a cafe full of locals. Blood, cursing, bent protection tubes and 11 hours of repairs in the middle of nowhere. Pretty daughters offered, daughter #1 is sweet & speaks some english, takes me back to watch music videos &…talk. A delicious lunch, “bike fix 4:00 p.m.” = drinking with local men while pretty mothers & daughters talk about me. Someone’s Dad to me: “You:boom-boom?!” “Ah, no.”…more drinking…fumbled dictionary conversation with former Vietcong fighter…new girls show up, very well dressed:methinks they are an important source of income at this nowhere corner in the middle of Vietnam. One new girl (Daughter #2?) is VERY CUTE, not small framed like most Viet gals, she’d fit in fine at a better U.S. sorority. Spends afternoon staring @ me…(Shirtless drunk man: “boom=boom?” who then takes off from house and wife in search of this methinks)…i have got to get outta here! (But if she follows…)…Walk down dirt road, but every house stares @ me, half of them call to me but the White Guy Show is on haitus. One house has young women sitting on the floor who give me very enthusiastic Hellos and beckening hands. Local market spotted but halfway there an old woman appears @ a door: “Hello!” “Xinchao” i say and then notice the young women sitting behind her on the floor: “You Karaoke?!” Apparently sex is the ONLY source of income for this community. Outta there quick, buy some ice cream, walk back, Shirtless Drunk Man appears @ door of enthusiastic girls house “Hello..Hello Come Come!” He has left his wife travelling south on highway only to circle back around on a back road to get laid LESS THAN 4 BLOCKS FROM HIS HOUSE. Back to the White Guy Show, Daughter #1 “I work in Ho Chi Minh City” Then we should have dinner..”No i work @5.00..p.m.”..Only a few jobs start that late…Some young smokey boys show up drunk & sweaty from their own afternoon of helping the local economy, one a dead ringer for a tahoe Bro-Bra. Dinner with her & her friends, Viet Whiskey & beer. When i decline more local whiskey my next beer becomes strangely whiskey flavored. I do shots with each one repeatedly but they never notice my pouring half of them out secretly first (which still puts me ahead of everyone as there are 5 of them). “You You You Karaoke with me & friends!” says daughter #1 who is getting very drunk and is now just as cute as Daughter#2 (who then shows up and starts drinking [okay so she’s of age @ least] and we share ashot of whiskey and 2 halves of a CHICKENS’ HEAD.) Sound of vroom vroom=BIKE IS FIXED! (Every electric part replaced methinks AND COSTS 660,000! ~$37) But it is now 7:30 & no way am i driving very far…”Karaoke!” No i need hotel first, shower, then we all sing..”KARAOKE!!” she whines. I get ride to hotel with brother(?)as it starts to rain, first hotel refusing me as a foreigner. After shower i look @ the rain @ say i tired i go to sleep to brother(?) but then Daughter #1 shows up with friend & father & i give in. Father goes home. We ride to Karoake. I am supposed to sing every other song & it all sucks horribly as the boys are bored & the Daughter #1 is no longer as flirty or drunk (and where is Daughter#2 who is actually her Friend #1?) I am tired, most of my money is now gone & parts of me are very blue. “You You You-Cafe!” No cafe, me get bike, me sleep, me go Ho Chi Minh tomorrow. “Cafe!” Only if Friend #1 shows up & the both of you fuck my brains out for the rest of my money….

It was really a quite nice day.

And i didn’t even mention the goats.

FIRST BLOOD!
EVERY SINGLE ELECTRIC PART…even the headlamp was open @ one point…i think they just kept replacing parts (including the battery) til they found the one that needed fixing. Maybe they we’re cheating me…maybe when i declined boom-boom they decided to fleece me elsewhere…maybe they just weren’t that good…
Richard Nixon’s former Evil Communist Enemy…Note daughter #2 to right….she’s about 200km from me right now…

What is this? I have no idea…but it cost 180,000 dong For that price i could get 3 1 hour massages..or one 45 minute one with a “happy ending”!
A smokey boy… Young drunk & beyond excitied to see me…”You you you picture me!”
These guys drive 70 km/h on mopeds zooming & weaving their way through traffic, especially in the cities.
I’ve seen 1 post accident (nasty) and 2 of ’em followed me and my karaoke girl 2 blocks though HCMC (Saigon)@11:00 @ night: “Hey Hey Hey” (Hi boys…)”Hey Hey Hey!!”(…Sorry boys, this girl wants to fuck me, gotta go!) One advantage of a motorcycle over a motorbike: acceleration. We looked back to see them swerve a bit & go down…i think they we’re alright…Who knows what trouble they wanted though, so fuck ’em! My beautiful girl squeezed me even harder and off we went…Sorry, that whole night (which started off with drinking hard with Saigon POLICE @ a local bike repair shop) is for offline consumption.

GET ME OUTTA HERE! (Behind my head is the bloody gravel)

Those eyes…daughter #1.

Tags: Travel

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 26th, 2006 at 10:02 pm and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.