One step at a time…

Cheesy cheap T-shirts, bags, caps all echo this sentiment of “I Love Goa” everywhere on this paradise land. Just a statement but so true, very true for me at least. Can’t say more of what I feel for this place. As always seeing Goa from the air took my breath away. I really don’t understand the love you can have for one place over the other. But then loving Goa was never hard. I spent some of my best years here as a teenager, even though those are the toughest times for one. Goa is in my heart and will always be my first home.

I did not spend a good 10 days in Goa, which were not enough to reminisce, nor did I get a fill of the land, the ocean, the people and food. I can’t but help thinking, what am I doing away from Goa when I know this is home for me but then so if San Francisco. A woman torn. At least it’s not two men! Everytime I come here it’s like coming home and getting a hug from my mom. Safe, secure and understanding love one that need not be vocalized. I do love Goa. I think am repeating the words to convince my self again and again that I need to do something to be able to spend more time here. This place grounds me. Maybe one of these days I will be back but not yet. Hope someday.

All my trips in India seem to be coinciding with me catching up with some of my old school and college mates. Goa was no different. I have lot more memories here than in Delhi where I spent 10 years of my life as well. I still remember the streets in Panjim (the capital) and one morning I did nothing but walk around to see and test my directional skills here. Walking down memory lane, one alley at a time. I saw the little institute where I had tried to learn typing but failed miserably. I type fast now but its not scientific..who cares!

All the little coffee shops where I used to have my favorite..curry puffs (puff pastry filled with meat or veg filling) with Thumbs up. Humm! Simple pleasures of life.

The beauty parlor “Mags” where every haircut ended in me crying. I have never had a decent cut; I always had to sniffle a bit coming out. But, I still went back this time as well. They remembered me. To some extent time stands still in Goa.

The little “Avanti” library. My card is still there.

The shop where I used to buy my PJ’s is now an art gallery.

Menezes Braganza hall where I bought too many books.

The juice corner near the ferry point. Still run by the same owner. I even sat down with a friend to have my favorite. Watermelon juice my only choice.

Pretty petals, the only flower shop in town those days and even today I think.

My college where I spent 3 years. A lifetime of friends.

Things have changed but not much since I was last in Goa in 2001. Thank heavens. Traffic still is mild compared to Hyderabad city.

Memories. A lifetime to remember all the good that happened here.

I stood for a moment in front of the steps of the Panjim church. A few memories of attending mass with friends. I think my fascination with the peace and quite in churches started from Goa. I had a ball in Europe and Mexico City just relaxing in the churches. People don’t understand that best place to beat the afternoon sun while travelling is a church. Am not a religious person and will never be but quietly sitting in a church never did harm one.

While walking on the roads in Panjim, I suddenly hear somebody calling my name and lo and behold it’s an old school mate of mine from 9th grade. Its good that both of us have not changed physically much, only reason why I could still remember. Have you ever laughed, as you could not say anything more? Both of us just did that. Mid sentence we would stop and laugh as if we cannot believe what are seeing. I have not seen Tony since 1988! What a memory. I will always remember this trip of mine to India as so much has happened. Renewed so many friendships which I will treasure all my life. My life is rich with so many good friendships. I have been coming back to India every two years but never felt the need to connect to my childhood again. This time it felt right, the time was just perfect. I read somewhere that one looks back only when they know where their future is headed.

This time around I also met folks who were never friends but after this trip I think I can count them as one. So strange when two strangers meet. I called up an old classmate out of politeness, as he knew I was in town through another friend. It was a pleasant surprise that I found something in common with him and actually had a nice time. Life’s unexpected moments. Here I was ready to sit by the beach and read, but instead we talked for hours and called a few other mates to chat and have some laughs. It was like sitting in our old cafeteria over chai (tea). Except this time we had our favorite poison! And a quite a few of them.

I left Goa with a sad smile and some tears as well. I usually feel like this whenever I see my mom waving goodbye. She invariably always makes me cry. This time she is not coming to the airport. Never have I left Goa with a heavy heart, never in the last 20 years. I guess this time I realized how much this place and its importance in my life meant to me. The need to see my parents brought me to Goa, every visit to India. Now, I will come here for myself. Sand in my shoes, tears in my heart, I left with a promise to return soon. Very soon. Goa is a state of mind and take that with me as I leave.

I Love Goa…will miss it terribly.

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Nov 10th Mumbai Airport.

Am not sure I should write these thoughts down but I was a little sad in Goa as well. Sad that Goa has changed so much. This is for those who might come across this write up. Goa is more than its beaches. In fact the beaches today are not the real Goa. Sad. Goa trance is European and not Goan. You wanna hear Goan music listen to somebody on a hot muggy afternoon strumming his guitar. Go to a local a church wedding and hear to what the Goan call music. Listen to the Dekhni. There is so much more to Goa than its beaches.

Try and get to the interior of Goa where you will a more agro society. The tilling of the land in pairs, the partitioned paddy fields which in the dry season host many of the soccer matches. Listen to the church bells on a Sunday morning. Leave the beaches, search for a land which is amazingly rich in both a Hindu and Christian culture. Leave the beaches be.

I feel sad at the Goa I see today on the tourist track. When I first came to Goa in 1984 it was a land un-spoilt. Pristine beaches, one did not see any huts on the beaches. I miss that Goa. I felt cheated when I went to Palolem. Expect for catching up with some old friends from school there was nothing great about this beach. I hold so many fond memories of Palolem and it was sad to see that I could not relive any of them. I created a few new ones which I will treasure for a long time to come but by heart broke every time I saw litter on the beaches, dogs and touts in the streets. Where is the Goa of yester years? I miss that Goa. Traffic jams were never a part of our vocabulary then. Now it’s a different story. The land was unique. Goan. Today one sees more of Rajasthan and Kashmir in Goa. Where is Goa?

Tourism has brought much needed employment to Goa. Along with that also come the problems that tourism brings. Drugs and disease. Child predators. I guess we all pay a price for success, but aren’t these too much though. Maybe this is how the Thai feel as well. Like the Thai, Indians are also very resilient breed. They assimilated with the Moghals, the English and now the world and the Backpackers.

Maybe I don’t want anybody to come to Goa. I have become selfish, no doubt about that (I never claimed to be a saint). Come to Goa in search of Goa. I do think it’s a land which has so much to offer. Take what is Goan and don’t leave anything behind expect a few footprints in the sand. Please no rave parties. Do go to Goa. Don’t listen to my ravings. Am just trying to hold on to something that is a part of me and my memories. Trying not to put Ibiza, Hat Rin and Goa in one sentence. Help.

Tags: India

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004 at 6:40 pm and is filed under India. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.