Printemps a Paris

It’s a shame that all my blogging ideas fell to the wayside once I lived in Paris. Capturing the moments takes a lot more energy than one realizes. However, I have stories to tell that I will upload here in case anyone is interested or would like to reminisce or read about living life abroad.

I always considered myself a travelbug without ever having really traveled, perse that is internationally and by myself. I’d only been to France once before with a small group from high school and we lived with a host family half the time. It was overwhelming and wonderful and completey horrible all at once. Most important experiences are, n’est-ce pas?

Living there last year was beyond amazing. I promised myself after the housefire that I would live, truly live and do what I wanted to do with my life instead of waiting for life to happen to me. I think that’s a problem we all face, we get bogged down and hypnotized by our fears. We think, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” When really, if you had just done it, you would realize that you were completely stupid for not having done it a lot sooner! There’s nothing to be scared of except as the saying goes, “Fear itself.” Which is true, cliche, but incredibly true.

Maybe it’s because it was like a wonderful neverending vacation, but I have never been happier than I was in Paris. It brought out the best version of me, a version I didn’t even know existed. I wish there was a way to have brought that home. I did in a small way, a suitcase’s worth, but it didn’t last as long or feel as fantastique as it did there.

Don’t let doubt dwell in your home and in your heart.

Gabrielle Verdier emailed the group to let us know about the last meeting before we leave and reminded us that it was officially only 32 days before we left. 32. This doesn’t seem real whatsoever. I can’t believe that in only a matter of a few weeks I’m going to be living with a host family…again, and dealing with homesickness, again…and speaking bad French, again.

But what I keep reminding myself is that I need this. All those plans to try and go abroad with friends fell through. Each time I prayed for another opportunity it came up and everytime they ended until I came to the realization that you know what? Life is not going to happen until you are willing to step out there, on your own. No one can hold your hand. You just have to do it.

Personally, I think this is a great realization. Especially since the fire. What can hurt me? I’ve already experienced the most horrible pain any human being can feel and I deserve to really live my life as technically I’m supposed to be dead right now. Did I really get the luck of the draw to crawl out of that house alive to be a wimp afraid of everything and never try because she’s afraid of failure? No. I need to believe in myself and the positivity of this decision, of this trip. If I give out positive energy, it will come back to me. Maybe I should get that tattooed on me somewhere. Strength and energy….

And sorry to any of you guests who’ve stopped to take a look at my journal, it’s not v. exciting right now but I promise in about 30 days, it’ll get good. So, just wait. Please?

British Airways Feb 20, 2006 Chicago 5:35p to London 7:15a London 9:30a to Paris 11:35a June 29, 2006 Paris 10:50a to London 11:15a London 12:55p to Chicago 3:10p window seats and extra leg room [insert grandiose sigh of relief here]

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