Printemps a Paris

It’s a shame that all my blogging ideas fell to the wayside once I lived in Paris. Capturing the moments takes a lot more energy than one realizes. However, I have stories to tell that I will upload here in case anyone is interested or would like to reminisce or read about living life abroad.

I always considered myself a travelbug without ever having really traveled, perse that is internationally and by myself. I’d only been to France once before with a small group from high school and we lived with a host family half the time. It was overwhelming and wonderful and completey horrible all at once. Most important experiences are, n’est-ce pas?

Living there last year was beyond amazing. I promised myself after the housefire that I would live, truly live and do what I wanted to do with my life instead of waiting for life to happen to me. I think that’s a problem we all face, we get bogged down and hypnotized by our fears. We think, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” When really, if you had just done it, you would realize that you were completely stupid for not having done it a lot sooner! There’s nothing to be scared of except as the saying goes, “Fear itself.” Which is true, cliche, but incredibly true.

Maybe it’s because it was like a wonderful neverending vacation, but I have never been happier than I was in Paris. It brought out the best version of me, a version I didn’t even know existed. I wish there was a way to have brought that home. I did in a small way, a suitcase’s worth, but it didn’t last as long or feel as fantastique as it did there.

Don’t let doubt dwell in your home and in your heart.

Gabrielle Verdier emailed the group to let us know about the last meeting before we leave and reminded us that it was officially only 32 days before we left. 32. This doesn’t seem real whatsoever. I can’t believe that in only a matter of a few weeks I’m going to be living with a host family…again, and dealing with homesickness, again…and speaking bad French, again.

But what I keep reminding myself is that I need this. All those plans to try and go abroad with friends fell through. Each time I prayed for another opportunity it came up and everytime they ended until I came to the realization that you know what? Life is not going to happen until you are willing to step out there, on your own. No one can hold your hand. You just have to do it.

Personally, I think this is a great realization. Especially since the fire. What can hurt me? I’ve already experienced the most horrible pain any human being can feel and I deserve to really live my life as technically I’m supposed to be dead right now. Did I really get the luck of the draw to crawl out of that house alive to be a wimp afraid of everything and never try because she’s afraid of failure? No. I need to believe in myself and the positivity of this decision, of this trip. If I give out positive energy, it will come back to me. Maybe I should get that tattooed on me somewhere. Strength and energy….

And sorry to any of you guests who’ve stopped to take a look at my journal, it’s not v. exciting right now but I promise in about 30 days, it’ll get good. So, just wait. Please?

British Airways

Feb 20, 2006
Chicago 5:35p to London 7:15a
London 9:30a to Paris 11:35a

June 29, 2006
Paris 10:50a to London 11:15a
London 12:55p to Chicago 3:10p

window seats and extra leg room

[insert grandiose sigh of relief here]

It’s almost two months until I leave and I have yet to purchase a airplane ticket. That is seriously messed up.

And tell me, why is it so freaking difficult to get a loan? Although I feel so gluttonous for taking out $7500, like I’m living high-on-the-hog, even though monthly expenses for daily living is going to be about $1,000/m (I have no idea either why that even comes close to that expensive). The rest of the money is going towards my easter vacation to Italy and Greece and any other travel I decide to do whilst I’m there and then towards buying a digi cam, a backpack/luggage, new clothing, travel accessories etc. So I’ll be lucky if I’m not strapped for cash while I’m there 🙁 It just seriously makes me feel bad like I’m being greedy. I hate that.

I really am lucky to have this opportunity…and to even have the chance to take out money to go travel the world when so many other people can’t even get enough money to feed their families. That’s something I need to remember, and to write about while I’m there.

I found out what language level I placed in ILCF and personally I’m a bit peeved. Granted, it’s the highest of Elementaire but how embarassing…studying French for 5 years and I can’t even make Intermediate? Sigh. At least Shauna received the same level, that makes me feel a bit better…or maybe it says something about UWM’s foreign language programs haha.

I suppose what I test into is for the best, I wouldn’t want to be completely lost and overwhelmed even if it did mean a higher placement. I guess I just have to deal.

Only about 70ish days until Paris.

I can’t believe how fast this is going. It’s unbelievable. In a few months I’m going to be walking along the banks of the Seine, eating fresh mozzerella in Italy, getting my fishnchips on in London, and falling in love with the Mediterranean in Greece. Yeah. This is so going to be the trip of a fucking life time.