Me. My Selves. and Barcelona.

1: Guys — do not invite a girl out, especially around dinnertime, if you have no money (we can at least split it!) and food is not on the agenda.

Me: I’m hungry.

Him: Ooooh (puzzled and panicked look).

Me: Let’s go get something to eat.

Him: Where do you want to go next? Sagrada Familia, to the sea?

Myself: Maybe I’m not being clear.

Me: Let’s go to a cafe or something.

Him: You want to go to McDonald’s?

Myself: Is he insane?!

Me: No! I don’t even eat McDonald’s at home (of course he has no knowledge of my prior indiscretion).

Him:  Where do you want to go?

Me: I don’t know, this is your city.

Him: Let’s go to the beach.

Me: (Exasperated) Fine, we’ll go to the beach.

2: Be realistic about your chances if you’re simply going to ride a girl around on your motorbike (which is nice), starve her (not nice), and ignore her unwavering refusal of your advances (deplorable).

Him: I like you.

Me: Mmm hmm.

Him: Do you like my muscles?

Me: Uh sure, muscles are nice.

Him: Come closer (pulling)

Me: I don’t think so.

3: Learn to take no for an answer; begging isn’t cute (at least not in this instance).

Me: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, etc.

Him: Why, why, why, why, why, why, etc.

Myself: I take back the whole splitting the check thing; if he’s going to insist on holding my hand while bombarding me with requests to go back to his place and occasionally throwing his arms around me, he’s gonna have to pay.

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