Seoul Coughing

1. Psychiatric exams for bus and taxi drivers
Force ALL taxi and bus drivers throughout the country to submit to rigorous psychiatric exams and personality tests. The results will surprise no one. From these results, determine the acceptable level of psychosis among these people, based on the availability of sane replacement drivers, etc.

2. Ban smoking
Start in the PC bangs (internet cafes) to protect the children then move on to office buildings and eventually to bars and restaurants and finally to public parks and outdoor gathering places. The government has in the past pushed people toward brushing their teeth and eating more dog stew through propaganda campaigns foisted upon the media. They can start telling people that smoking is disgusting and they will all die from it and show famous people not smoking. Peer pressure works in this country. If you want to be considered a first-world country, then follow the lead of the rest of the first world.

3. Get the motorcycles and scooters off the sidewalks
If a deliveryman can’t walk from the curb to the building, then maybe he should get a job as a dispatcher instead. It’s already illegal, so it shouldn’t be so hard to prevent this dangerous and stupid practice.

4. Eliminate Konglish
Hire native-English-speaking government editors whose job it is to walk around the city and force people to correct their English translations on signs, placards or menus or to remove them altogether. Konglish is not English and it is not endearing or cute. It should be seen as an embarrassment.

5. Enforce intellectual property laws
There too many people selling illegal DVDs and fake brand-name products in Seoul. I have not been to China, but on a per-capita basis, Korea must surely compete with the Chinese level of IP theft.

6. Fine people for littering
Police should force people to not only pick up the trash they were seen disposing of improperly, but they should also issue a citation and an on-the-spot fine. If they can’t pay, they are then taken by the paddy wagon to the recycling center to sort recyclables for a few hours.

7. Trash bins at regular intervals
In line with the above suggestion, place public trash receptacles on street corners or near bus stops to discourage people from throwing their cigarette wrappers and ice cream wrappers where they stand. There are a few bins in Korea, which are always overflowing. The fear, I suppose, is that people would take their household trash to the corner can and avoid spending 300 won (about US 31 cents) on a bag of their own.

8. One-way streets
Let’s face it. When they laid out Seoul and many other Korean cities they didn’t think that someday everyone would own a car. Most streets are too narrow for the fruit carts, passing cars and pedestrians. If one-way streets are designated — and it won’t be easy — there will be fewer of the standoffs between drivers coming from opposite directions on narrow streets in which one is forced to back up to an appropriate point to allow the other to pass.

9. Put your damned shoes ALL THE WAY ON YOUR DAMNED FEET!
Another campaign should be started to encourage people to wear their shoes completely on their feet. If there are straps on your shoes, you must have them on and not flapping behind you. People should also not be allowed to walk around on the crushed backs of their shoes. This makes these people appear lazy and mentally retarded (though the few retarded people I’ve seen here have had their shoes on completely).

10. Enforce animal rights laws
And if they don’t exist, copy the laws of the U.S., Australia or Great Britain when setting them up. If I see one more large-sized dog tied up with only three feet of chain I am going to break the owner’s nose and take the dog away. And stop beating them in public. Another infraction that will result in a physical attack by me. And no more dyeing the dogs’ tails or ears. In fact, make it illegal for people to own dogs in Seoul and many of the other big cities in Korea. There isn’t enough room for a dog to have a good life here.

With all that said, I must add that I’m having a great time here. Being in a city of 8 or 10 million brings people that much closer to one another and brings the bad things out in the open. If the above items are all I have to complain about anymore then I must be starting to love this place.

Peace on the peninsula.

Tracey

This entry was posted on Friday, August 4th, 2006 at 10:06 pm and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.