Hervey Bay – Diamond Dogs
Next stop along the road was Hervey Bay, chosen because it was the easiest place from which to get to Fraser Island. I had my first stint driving the Bowiemobile, and I’m glad to say I passed with flying colours. Andy did a sterling job navigating, too. Go, Team Bowie!
Hervey Bay seemed, if anything, even more of a retirement village than Noosa. (Just to digress, I’ve just remembered, I had so much fun saying “Noosa” in a Welsh accent – try it! Also the phrase, “Suzie from Noosa” in the same accent is so very funny. Or maybe I’d just spent too long in a camper van…) More amused looks when we rolled into town. The first job was to book on a day trip to Fraser Island the next day, before settling down to some barbequing.
Despite me having a mini-stress the next morning because we were running late (Jonesy handled it perfectly, making me a cup of tea and not once telling me I was being daft), we were collected as arranged and were soon on our way to Fraser Island.
Here you go, fact fans… Fraser Island is essentially a gigantic sandbar, measuring 120km by 50km. It’s the world’s biggest sand island, but in addition, it’s got the most amazingly diverse eco-system. We couldn’t take David Bowie across, as it’s stricly 4 wheel drives only on the sandy, hilly roads, so we had a moment of sorrow as we said goodbye to him, but we promised him we’d see him tonight.
We had to get a boat across and me, not being the world’s best sailor, started to feel a bit pukey, but fortunately it was nice enough to sit out on deck and enjoy the beautiful sea air. Greeting us when we arrived on Fraser was one of the island’s dingoes. It’s one of the best places to see them, as long as you keep your distance. They are, after all, wild animals, not cute and cuddly dogs, and keeping the distance and the fear they should have of humans is the best way to ensure they don’t attack any more people. I showed Andy my best Lindy Chamberlain impression (or rather, me doing Meryl Streep doing Lindy Chamberlain), “Dingo got my baby! Dingo got my baby!” What with that and my rendition of Space Oddity the day before, “Ground Control to Major Tom…. commencing countdown, engines ON”, I could tell he was impressed with my impressions!
None of us got attacked by the dingoes, so we made our way to the bus, which was a coach fitted out with huge 4WD wheels. It was ace! I want to get one when I get back, just for heading down to Sainsbury’s. I tell you, NO ONE would steal your car park space if you’re in one of those babies. From this point onwards, though, Andy and I just spent the day creased with laughter. We’d somehow managed to get on an OAP’s tour, and some of the characters were just wonderful. Our favourite was a guy whose badge announced him to be John. I got a taster of him early on – I wasn’t carrying a bag as Andy had one big enough for both of us. I was brushing my hair and, as I gave the brush back to him, John laughed and rolled his eyes as if amused that Andy was so under the thumb. That was the kind of guy he was.
I felt even more pukey on the bus, as obviously none of the roads are tarmacked, it was sand dunes all the way. Little wonder it felt like we were being thrown about in Major Tom’s tincan. Before long, though, we had stopped at a beautiful freshwater lake (one of 200 on the island), where Andy and I swam – none of the other old dears on the coach did though, and they thought we were incredibly daring for doing so. It was heavenly – cold, but so clean and clear, very theraputic.
We stopped for lunch – a buffet! Here’s where we won all our money back – and started to notice some odd behaviour from John. Whenever the coach stopped, he HAD to be, just HAD to be, the first off. This often meant batting old dears out of the way in his rush to be off, and do – precisely nothing. He’d just stand there, looking smug, as we all trooped off behind him. Of course, we saw this as a challenge, and on the one occasion when his wife was in the aisle seat, I gave Andy a sharp dig in the ribs and we beat them up. Obviously, we stopped to let others off as well, slowing them down even more. John didn’t even get off the coach that time, sitting there by the window looking disgusted at his wife’s tardiness. WE couldn’t stop laughing when she got back on and asked him, “What’s wrong?” and he answered, annoyed, “Nothing, just NOTHING”.
We stopped and admired some of the spectacular beaches of Fraser Island – swimming is forbidden because of sharks, honestly – and to see the wreck of the Maheno, and old battle ship slowly dying a rusty death on the beach.
John, though, had become our favourite past time that day. I came out of the toilets to find Andy talking to him. John turned to me and asked, “you’re not a Welshie as well, are you?” I told him I was from Manchester and he said, “no, you’re not, I’M from Manchester. Well, actually, I’m from Glossop. I bet you don’t know where that is”. I gave him a detailed description, including which road I would go on to get there, at which point he turned to Andy, rolled his eyes and said, “She’s a know-all, isn’t she?” Erm, no, I just answered your question. Mate. Apparently, Andy told me later, he’d been extremely offensive about Welsh people as well. So an all-round nice guy.
We had a walk through the rain-forest, which was amazingly serene and spectacular, a real treat of sound and vision, and gathered for a drink under a huge tree. John’s wife came up to us and turned out to be a delightful lady, really funny and interesting and kind, telling us she just loved our sense of humour, and that she thought it was wonderful we’d been laughing all day. If only she knew what (or who) we were laughing at.
One pukey boat ride later, we were back and reunited with David Bowie. The OAP company must have brushed off on us because we both conked out at about 7pm, shattered from all that beautiful fresh air, and exhausted from all the laughing.
Tags: Australia, Travel
Suzanne
Did David Bowie ever record the following:-
1. “Feel a Bit Pukey”
2. “Attacked by the Dingoes”
3. “Heading Down to Sainsbury’s”
4. “None of the Roads are Tarmacked”
Just send John the Mars bar.