Mark’s Vagabonding Blog

I often find occasion to utter the sentence, “This was covered in a Seinfeld episode.” And I’m sure many other fans of the show have made similar statements. Well, the episode I have in mind today is the one where the gang was headed to a party. George and Kramer were in charge of picking up the wine, while Jerry and Elaine grabbed a cake (chocolate babka) to bring to the party. Of course, the seemingly easy tasks turned out to be miserable ordeals for all of them.

Do you remember this episode? I’m sure you’ve seen it a thousand times in syndication at 7:30pm on the WB. In the liquor store George’s grossly oversized Gor-Tex coat knocked over a display of bottles, and he ended up having to pay for it with the coat. Also, their car was blocked in by Saddam Hussein, but the owner of the liquor store wouldn’t let them wait in the store, so they were forced to freeze outside until Saddam came back to move the car.

Okay, now your brain is working like this:

Hmm, Mark’s in Southeast Asia where it’s hotter than a Vinnie’s Pizza oven, so there’s no reason for him to be wearing an oversized Gor-Tex coat. And (for those who know me) he doesn’t drink so he probably wouldn’t be in a liquor store, unless he was buying something to bring to a party, which is unlikely. And Saddam is on the witness stand at his trial in Iraq so he can’t be blocking in Mark’s car, which he probably doesn’t even have. So it’s gotta be something else within this episode that has happened to him. Hmm, what happened to the other two in that episode . . . let me think now . . . Oh, I don’t remember, c’mon Mark just tell me what happened! No wait wait wait, I think I remember. They were in the bakery, and Rachel and Pheobe were playing a joke on Chandler and . . . ooops wrong show. Oh Mark just tell me.

At the bakery, Jerry and Elaine had to wait forever to be served. Then the person before them got the last chocolate babka (That person was going to the same party), so they had to settle for an inferiorly flavored babka. When they got the babka, they found a hair in it.

Okay, there are probably bakeries over there, but are there babkas? I don’t even know what a babka is. And is there even chocolate in Southeast Asia? My God, there might not even be chocolate over there! How can he stay over there this long with no chocolate!? If there’s no chocolate over there I’m never going, not even for a week, or a day even . . . Hmm, do I have any of that Ben & Jerry’s left? No I think I finished it last night. I’ll read this later, I’m going to get some Chunky Monkey.

So then they had to wait even longer for the next babka, and when the lady finally gave it to them, she coughed all over it. Also, while sitting down waiting their turn, some guy came in with a cane and smashed it on Elaine’s foot, possibly breaking her toe.

Oh, I love Chunky Monkey. I’ll eat this and watch some TV, then go to bed. Oooo and I thnk this is American Idol night. Chunky Monkey and American Idol; it doesn’t get any better than this. What I wouldn’t do to be able to eat this Chunky Monkey off of that Simon’s hot body. Still fifteen minutes to go, let me see what’s on now. News, news, basketball, news, basketball, Entertainment Tonight. Oh, Entertainment Tonight, that reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where every time Kramer watched Entertainment Tonight he had a seiz . . . Seinfeld, wasn’t there something I was just reading . . . Oh yeah, Mark’s blog. I still have time before Simon comes on. Let’s see, where was I? Gor-Tex, Saddam Hussein, babka, oh here we are.

And Jerry decided to eat a black and white cookie while they waited. He also mentioned to Elaine that he was working on a 17 year streak of not vomiting. Or was it 14 years, I don’t rememeber? Anyway it was either 14 or 17 years.

I know what happened! Mark was in a store (it doesn’t have to be a liquor store) that had a display of bottles. He was wearing his backpacks (The Gor-Tex coat), and the backpacks knocked over the display of bottles. After that he was in a Taxi, stuck in Bangkok traffic casued by the demontrations against Thai Prime Minister Thaksin (scorned leader of a country), and the driver had the AC cranked up, freezing him. Then he and June went to the bakery to get a vanilla babka, and someone smashed June’s toe, and Mark threw up! Wow, that is amazingly similar, and it’s perfectly viable.

Well if you are thinking that all of the things in the episode happened you are crazy, that’s just too coincidental. But something from this episode did mirror my life. I’m sure you can probably guess what it is.

I too had been working on a very long non-vomiting streak. I’m not sure exactly how long because I can’t remember the last time I puked, but I know it was a very long time ago. I knew coming into this trip that my streak would be in jeopardy. And at 3:45am, Tuesday morning, March 14 (Thai time), in a bat shit infested Chiang Mai guesthouse room, my streak, Like Jerry’s, came to a hellish end.

When I first arrived in Chiang Mai I ate at the guesthouse restaurant across from mine (not the bat shit infested one), because my guesthouse had no restaurant. While there, someone named Mike hopped on a bicycle to go for a ride. The owner of the guesthouse said to him, “Mike, you’re feeling better?” Mike got sick, he thinks, from eating strawberries he got from one of the trekking tours.

“Everyone who comes to Chaing Mai gets sick,” the guesthouse owner said, with a curious hint of pride in her voice.

Having not thrown up for time immemorial, until I got to Chiang Mai, I have to believe that lady knows what she speaketh. Yes, I did get sick earlier in my trip, but that didn’t involve any spewing of noodles and vegetables from my mouth . . .

Ewww, I wish he knocked over a display of bottles or found a hair in his babka, or even had both toes smashed, because all this talk of spewing vegetables is gonna make me spew. Especially after eating that entire pint of Chunky Monkey. That’s it, I’m not reading any more, he makes me sick.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 21st, 2006 at 11:44 am and is filed under Thailand, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.