Mark’s Vagabonding Blog

I often find occasion to utter the sentence, “This was covered in a Seinfeld episode.” And I’m sure many other fans of the show have made similar statements. Well, the episode I have in mind today is the one where the gang was headed to a party. George and Kramer were in charge of picking up the wine, while Jerry and Elaine grabbed a cake (chocolate babka) to bring to the party. Of course, the seemingly easy tasks turned out to be miserable ordeals for all of them.

Do you remember this episode? I’m sure you’ve seen it a thousand times in syndication at 7:30pm on the WB. In the liquor store George’s grossly oversized Gor-Tex coat knocked over a display of bottles, and he ended up having to pay for it with the coat. Also, their car was blocked in by Saddam Hussein, but the owner of the liquor store wouldn’t let them wait in the store, so they were forced to freeze outside until Saddam came back to move the car.

Okay, now your brain is working like this:

Hmm, Mark’s in Southeast Asia where it’s hotter than a Vinnie’s Pizza oven, so there’s no reason for him to be wearing an oversized Gor-Tex coat. And (for those who know me) he doesn’t drink so he probably wouldn’t be in a liquor store, unless he was buying something to bring to a party, which is unlikely. And Saddam is on the witness stand at his trial in Iraq so he can’t be blocking in Mark’s car, which he probably doesn’t even have. So it’s gotta be something else within this episode that has happened to him. Hmm, what happened to the other two in that episode . . . let me think now . . . Oh, I don’t remember, c’mon Mark just tell me what happened! No wait wait wait, I think I remember. They were in the bakery, and Rachel and Pheobe were playing a joke on Chandler and . . . ooops wrong show. Oh Mark just tell me.

At the bakery, Jerry and Elaine had to wait forever to be served. Then the person before them got the last chocolate babka (That person was going to the same party), so they had to settle for an inferiorly flavored babka. When they got the babka, they found a hair in it.

Okay, there are probably bakeries over there, but are there babkas? I don’t even know what a babka is. And is there even chocolate in Southeast Asia? My God, there might not even be chocolate over there! How can he stay over there this long with no chocolate!? If there’s no chocolate over there I’m never going, not even for a week, or a day even . . . Hmm, do I have any of that Ben & Jerry’s left? No I think I finished it last night. I’ll read this later, I’m going to get some Chunky Monkey.

So then they had to wait even longer for the next babka, and when the lady finally gave it to them, she coughed all over it. Also, while sitting down waiting their turn, some guy came in with a cane and smashed it on Elaine’s foot, possibly breaking her toe.

Oh, I love Chunky Monkey. I’ll eat this and watch some TV, then go to bed. Oooo and I thnk this is American Idol night. Chunky Monkey and American Idol; it doesn’t get any better than this. What I wouldn’t do to be able to eat this Chunky Monkey off of that Simon’s hot body. Still fifteen minutes to go, let me see what’s on now. News, news, basketball, news, basketball, Entertainment Tonight. Oh, Entertainment Tonight, that reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where every time Kramer watched Entertainment Tonight he had a seiz . . . Seinfeld, wasn’t there something I was just reading . . . Oh yeah, Mark’s blog. I still have time before Simon comes on. Let’s see, where was I? Gor-Tex, Saddam Hussein, babka, oh here we are.

And Jerry decided to eat a black and white cookie while they waited. He also mentioned to Elaine that he was working on a 17 year streak of not vomiting. Or was it 14 years, I don’t rememeber? Anyway it was either 14 or 17 years.

I know what happened! Mark was in a store (it doesn’t have to be a liquor store) that had a display of bottles. He was wearing his backpacks (The Gor-Tex coat), and the backpacks knocked over the display of bottles. After that he was in a Taxi, stuck in Bangkok traffic casued by the demontrations against Thai Prime Minister Thaksin (scorned leader of a country), and the driver had the AC cranked up, freezing him. Then he and June went to the bakery to get a vanilla babka, and someone smashed June’s toe, and Mark threw up! Wow, that is amazingly similar, and it’s perfectly viable.

Well if you are thinking that all of the things in the episode happened you are crazy, that’s just too coincidental. But something from this episode did mirror my life. I’m sure you can probably guess what it is.

I too had been working on a very long non-vomiting streak. I’m not sure exactly how long because I can’t remember the last time I puked, but I know it was a very long time ago. I knew coming into this trip that my streak would be in jeopardy. And at 3:45am, Tuesday morning, March 14 (Thai time), in a bat shit infested Chiang Mai guesthouse room, my streak, Like Jerry’s, came to a hellish end.

When I first arrived in Chiang Mai I ate at the guesthouse restaurant across from mine (not the bat shit infested one), because my guesthouse had no restaurant. While there, someone named Mike hopped on a bicycle to go for a ride. The owner of the guesthouse said to him, “Mike, you’re feeling better?” Mike got sick, he thinks, from eating strawberries he got from one of the trekking tours.

“Everyone who comes to Chaing Mai gets sick,” the guesthouse owner said, with a curious hint of pride in her voice.

Having not thrown up for time immemorial, until I got to Chiang Mai, I have to believe that lady knows what she speaketh. Yes, I did get sick earlier in my trip, but that didn’t involve any spewing of noodles and vegetables from my mouth . . .

Ewww, I wish he knocked over a display of bottles or found a hair in his babka, or even had both toes smashed, because all this talk of spewing vegetables is gonna make me spew. Especially after eating that entire pint of Chunky Monkey. That’s it, I’m not reading any more, he makes me sick.

Bangkok, Thailand Nov 10, 2005, around noon.

In all the literature I’ve read on doing a vagabonding trip to Southeast Asia, one thing was Unanamous: You will get sick.

Yesterday I had diarrhea, my skin was tingly, and I felt very lethargic. The last time I felt like that, sans the diarrhea, was when I had mono a couple of years ago. So I knew it wasn’t good. When I got back to my hostel at around 6:00pm, I took my temperature. It was 99.2. Not bad, but still slight fever. I slept a little, and woke up around midnight and took my temp again: 101.2. A full-fledged fever.

When I woke up this morning at around 10:00am, more diarrhea, and a temp of 99.4. I don’t feel as lethargic, and my skin isn’t as tingly. So let’s hope that my immune system is working on the problem, and I’ll be better soon. And I’ll be immune to whatever it is. No point in trying to guess where it came from. Like there’s no point in trying to guess what happened to my wallet.

Probably a combination of stress, and bacteria in some food I ate or something. Hopefully this is the worst it ever gets. I should only be that lucky.

On the night of the day I lost my wallet, June and I were supposed to go to a talk by a famous Buddhist Monk, Ajahn Brahm, author of the book Opening The Door Of Your Heart. We still went. It was a good talk, given to a packed house of a few hundred people. It was in English too. But a little canned I thought. John Gray or Dr. Phil or any self-help guru could have given the same speech, but he had a Buddhist slant. And he sat cross-legged on a chair the whole time, and was soft spoken. Anyway, I’m not inclined to become a buddhist yet or anything, but I really think I would like to be able to meditate.

They gave out a couple of pamphlets on meditation before you went into the talk, and if it’s anything like he describes, that must be an awesome feeling. Last night when I woke up at midnight and took my temp of 101.2, I read the pamphlets on meditation. Even getting to step one would be cool. When I read step 4, I though that was it, it couldn’t get any better than that. But it went all the way to step 7 and beyond. It seems like a lot of work though. I doubt there are many people who have reached that level. Kind of like juggling 7 balls, not many people can do it.

So I will rest today, and hopefully I’ll be healthy again soon. I don’t have June to pamper me this time like she did when I had mono. She’s still in Lampang with her mother. That’s more important than pampering me. I don’t even think she knows I’m sick yet.

I better get back to my room, I may need to use the bathroom again soon.

Mark

P.S. For those wondering, I did get my replacement ATM card sent. So I’m back in business.