Life at Latitude 3

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS ISSUE WAS ACTUALLY PUBLISHED IN AUGUST, BUT DUE TO A TECHNICAL ERROR WITH MY BLOGSITE, IT WAS ERASED.  IT IS BEING REPUBLISHED, BUT IS CHRONOLOGICALLY OUT OF ORDER, AS IT WAS WRITTEN BEFORE MY COLOMBIA TRIP IN SEPTEMBER…

Montañitas Verdes (little green mountains) is the name of one of my favorite ives in Cuenca.  Due to its good soups, fresh avocados, and the kind family that owns it, I eat there at least 3 times a week. I soon discovered that the place is also popular with the Cuenca police. I´d be sitting there peacefully enjoying my merienda (evening meal) when the place would become flooded with police.  It´s a small place that gets crowded fast, and when it gets crowded, strangers sit and eat with strangers.  The first few times that I had to sit and eat with the police, I felt so intimidated.  Not because they were police, but because they were a bunch of men whom I didn´t know, but clearly all knew each other, and it was glaringly obvious to all of us how much I stood out, being my gringa self.  Instead of initiating conversation with me, they would stare at me, trying to figure out why a single woman was eating by herself (ecuadorian women do not do that), and wondering if I spoke Spanish or not.  I could have started speaking with them, but it´s intimidating to start the conversation in that kind of setting. 

One night I was eating there under stares as usual when a young officer sat across from me.  Unlike the rest of his compañeros, he actually introduced himself.  I found Tito very easy to talk to, as he has a very laid back nature, and seems naturally inquistive.  After meeting Tito, I saw him everywhere, and he was always a friendly face to run into on the Cuenca streets.  Eventually phone numbers were exchanged, and Tito soon became a regular visitor to the apartment. 

When people think of cultural differences, they easily think of things like food, dress, holidays, etc.  But they often forget that one´s concept of things like trust, honesty, and humor, also are affected by culture.  Tito´s friendship is at times a blessing in my life for which I´m deeply thankful, but other days, being friends with him can be taxing, as I learn more intimately just how ecuadorian he is, and I am not.  When I am frustrated by something Tito has said or done I have to figure out if Tito is really crossing the line, or if he´s standing behind a different cultural line than I am. Like the time he called me fat, and was shocked that I wasn´t amused by that comment.  I tried to explain to him that most US women, no matter how healthy their body image, would not appreciate that comment, even if made in the spirit of humor, which apparently it had been.  I´m in his country, and am learning where he comes from, figuratively and literally, but it´s harder for him to know where I come from culturally.  I mentioned to my roommate that I wish Tito could come to the US to better understand me. In response, she said, and I love this, “Oh my gosh.  Could you imagine Tito Lara in our country!?!”  It was a thought that highly amused and mildly frightened us. 

Tito is an amazing dancer (salsa, merengue, cumbia, reggaeton, you name it), but being sensitive to other people – not his thing.  But even still, he really is buena gente (good people).  I know I can turn to him for both help and companionship, and he´s the person who calls me on a regular basis. Once I didn´t call him for 3 days because I was  busy, and he called, asking me if I was sick because he hadn´t heard from me. 

It´s amazing how many people here, when they find out I teach English, ask me for free English lessons. I do, however, give Tito free English lessons because he´s my friend, and because he helps me so much with my spanish.  I love the expressions that he teaches me just by using them.  Once he asked me when I was going to find my half orange – media naranja. At first I was confused- I hadn´t lost any oranges!  Slowly, I figured out that media naranja is how spanish speakers refer to a romantic partner, a soul mate, etc.  And after a night of playing rummy, he´ll give me an ecuadorian kiss goodbye (one on the right cheek) and say “Cuidate mi amiga, y que sueñe con los angelitos” – “Take care friend, and (I hope) that you sleep with little angels (ie. sweet dreams).”

Some of you are thinking, is there something more than just friendship with Tito – is he your media naranja?  No.  There was a very painful couple of weeks when I had feelings for Tito, who had feelings for my roommate, who had feelings for one of her students, who was too busy to realize he was a part of any love-related quagmire.  Jealousy, I am convinced, is the ugliest of all emotions.  But it´s even worse when you have to live with the person who is the object of affection of your object of affection. But after several honest and hard talks with all involved (except the unknowing student), a few phone calls to friends back home to regain perspective on things, and of course, time, things finally sorted out.  Megan and I still like each other (although she is leaving soon), and Tito and I are perhaps even better friends than before.