H 2 Oh my god its raining!!
The day never really began because yesterday never really ended. 12 hour overnight bus rides can really mess with your perceptions of time & space. I have vague recollections of waking up in uncomfortable positions & stopping at random truckers’s cafe in the Vietnamese countryside for surreal pseudo-conversations…
And then at about 6.30am, our destination, Hoi An, within frisbee throwing distance, the rain began. We didn’t view this as either unusual or a significant problem. After all, it is the rainy season. The bus pulled over. The road ahead was flooded. How would we cross? Would we all drown in the attempt? Was the baggage compartment waterproof?
Two “no”s and a “slowly”.
So out jumped the driver, down came the window, and in went the bags, displacing the smug git who thought he had the back seat for the entire trip. The bus inched forward. Just to give you some idea of the water depth, people were crossing the street in boats. We passed two trucks parked back to back in waist-high aqua. Bricks were being passed from one to the other. Slow work. We exited the water with our sanity and baggage intact, entered Hoi An, found a hotel & fell asleep.
A few hours passed. A day dominated by water was doused by a new mini-episode. The shower was cold. No worries. Into the beautiful old town we wandered. We drank some water with our lunch. Our lunch was great. The water was wet. We saw some of the beautiful sights that this UNESCO (The cultural wing of the United Nations) protected town has to offer. This inclued a traditional chinese merchants house which floods every day. All the crafts on show have to be rushed upstairs, helped no end by the pulley system/hole in the ceiling.
After getting measured for a pair of jeans & a shirt (Hoi An is the tailoring hotspot of Vietnam) I decided to leave Jane in a world of fabrics, cuts and other fashion stuff on which I am clueless, and meander back to the hotel. I stopped for a mars bar. It was frozen. As a general rule – frozen biscuits & chocolate bars are great. As a specific rule -frozen mars bars are not. As I ripped open the familiar black wrapper (which inspirationally informed me that eating the contents would help me “work rest & play” – all worthy pursuits I might add.) the heavens opened. Someone upstairs had been on the ice tea’s.
I ducked into a bookshop to wait it out. Bookshops in Asia have an endearing habit of wrapping every book in plastic – thus preventing potential customers from reading any part of the book other than blurb & the sickeningly sycophantic 2 line reviews on the cover. (E.G: “This book was absolutely sensational! You absolutely, positively must, must read it! Yay!”) Having circumnavigated the shop twice it felt like time to move on. And still it rained.
I began to consider how soggy a person would have to be before they qualified as a clump of wet spinach. I reasoned somewhere between 37 & Bolivia. And then my saviour appeared. Cycling along – hands waving objects for sale. Those objects were umbrella’s and raincapes. Really, really, funky raincapes in a a variety of colours. I plumped for purple. A purple plastic bag with holes cut in convenient places for hands and neck. Damn did I look hot. I marched on, feeling impenetrable. The road had become a river. Ankle-deep, but a river all the same. The only safe haven was the pavement. I stepped up. Some Vietnamese people laughed at my outfit. I laughed. We all laughed. A truck drove by and drenched us. The truck driver laughed. We all laughed some more. The river kept flowing. The rain kept falling….
Tags: Hoi An, Rain, Vietnam
The Dude
Yo bucksta-sounds wet but fab brother.
Take care x
Bucy, i wrote you a haiku poem:
menstral yeast-infection discharge,
expired cottage cheesey with tomato sauce
Blood Blood Blood Period Blood, I eat periods, I want to eat your periods, blood blood blood period blood blood, you eat your mum’s periods but i want them blood blood blood period blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(please ignore the previous poem. it was an draft accidently sent. below is the compleated article:)
Bucky, i wrote you a poem:
menstral yeast-infection discharge coated tampon,
whats for dinner?
chunky-chips with expired cottage cheese and tomato sauce