Driving me crazy…
In a few days I’ll pack me bags, tie me laces, give the clouds a sneaky wink, and leave Hanoi for the United States of America.
Before I do that however, I’m afraid I have to deliver a bit of a rant. If you’re not in the mood for a rant, please scroll downwards. I have plenty of non-ranty pieces below. Some of them even involve cute animals.
My rant is about drivers in Hanoi. Hanoian drivers. Hanoian motorcycle drivers.
Hanoian motorcycle drivers dont appear to follow any set of rules. They are individual determinists. They are free spirits. Now, as a general rule I think free-spiritedness is great. An attribute to be admired, even. But not when it could well end up with me lying on a cold slab in a darkened Vietnamese morgue.
Here is a brief list of what Hanoian motorcycle drivers get up to:
– Weaving manically between other bikes.
– Driving at night with no lights.
– Driving at night with lights on full beam, thereby practically blinding oncoming veichles.
– Going the wrong way down 1-way streets.
– Ignoring red lights at will.
– Pulling out into traffic without so much as a glance to see if they might hit anyone.
– Incessant horn blowing. Before a traffic light even turns green, people are honking behind you.
There’s all this, plus the fact that practically nobody wears a helmet, and mirrors are considered “unfashionable”. Seriously. Many people who do have mirrors on their bikes – have them flipped down and unused. Then you have the convoy phenomenon, where people drive several bikes abreast so as to be able to chat to their friends whilst driving. To be fair, this applies more to bicycles, where it is not uncommon to see 4 or 5 in a convoy, thus blocking the road to everybody else.
I saw a girl get knocked off her bike yesterday. The perpetrator seemingly did a hit-and-run. Just a few seconds earlier, some boy racer had clipped my back wheel in his urgent need to arrive at his destination 2 minutes earlier. Luckily, I managed to keep control of my bike. Two weeks ago, some kid pushed a bicycle straight into my path on a major road without even looking. I had no time to avoid it, and the bicycle was knocked to the ground. Thankfully, the kid was not. I’ve seen flesh and blood on the streets. I’ve been hit several times, had my trousers ripped and my foot cut. I once had to stop a motorbike with my hand because the driver was looking one way and driving another.
Frankly, I’m glad to be out of it. I can feel myself getting pissed off with the utter carelessness and thoughtlessness of other drivers (of course it’s not everyone – plenty of people here drive just fine, one bloke apologising profusely when he accidentally drove over my foot – but it’s enough people to be a concern).
So roll on America. Rant over. Happy days.
Tags: driving, Hanoi, Vietnam
The Dude
hello bucky you big fucker, it’s Sam. Are you coming back to Blighty for the yuletide? I assume not if you plan to go to America, so Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, good new year and all the rest of that shite. Keep smiling you big loveable Jewish bear!,
regards,
Lincoln Sam
Dale..what’s your email address? This computer says that it’s samueldale@tiscali.co.ok, but ok aint any country I’ve heard of. Though I’m sure its a pretty ok place. I spent 10 minutes writing you a nice email which I now can’t send to you…It’ll sit and fester in my outbox until you get in touch. And we both know how badly festering emails smell…
Truth be told Bucky, I don’t have a clue what my e mail address is, or how to find any e-mails that get sent to it. I’m just an old stick in the mud, aren’t i? I may not even have an e mail address, although you shouldn’t tell anyone as the repercussions could be terrifying (I keep getting asked for one on official looking forms, Phillipino marriage certificates, etc., and writing down the one I sent you) so keep it under your hat old bean.
If you want to get in touch you could write (remember the old days?) to me at :
73 Birchfields Rd.,
Longsight,
Manchester,
M13 0XX
Yes thats right I’m a Manc now, so Let’s ave it Ya fuckin nob etc.
Right, must dash, I’ve got mail order brides to wed.
Regards,
Lincoln Sam
Gosh. Write a letter? I’ve almost forgotten how to do that. I shall find an envelope & a stamp and send it to manchester forthwith. I may even put something inside the envelope. Like a small decaying piece of cheese.
Largin’ it.
Bucky
Huzzah! I shall look forward to it with much anticipation.
Sam.
ps It is snowing here now, so I’m singing ‘we’re walking in the air’ for you.
That’s mighty thoughtful of you Sam. Mighty thoughtful indeed.