Hidy ho, howdy hee,
Something’s getting old…like this place, the chores and work, its nothing new and I quite like it, but there is no reward. I scoop poop so I can ride, I wash horses because then I can ride, or with them. I don’t enjoy all the chores for nothing. Im not really getting any experience in what I need either. My host is so wrapped up in financial and dog stuff she hasn’t shown me any training or riding. So im not even working towards my class. I tried to ask for a day off to work on school work and she ignored me! Maybe it was the three glasses of wine consumed earlier, and the fourth on its way down…but still, im a little sick of all this. Experience in horse maintenance is not what I am here for. That is something I can always find a place to learn. But it’s too late to move now, and I will be content to stay here for a week or so before returning to the US. Suffice to say I am not entirely satisfied with this trip to Australia, I will have to return to make it more worth it. A lot of other people come here to work for a year, since the exchange rate is so good, so that might be a possibility, but I want to go on a greater adventure! Something like my teacher who worked on a cattle ranch for 6 months! Hard work with rewards and dirty living. Here I still feel sheltered. I am happyist out on a horse, working long hours and working ranch life. Early mornings and cold adventures, knowing I am doing something meaningful. My months at the ranch are my fondest memories of Prescott so far. Maybe I was meant to be a ranchers wife? Maybe that’s where I will go. Out beyond worries of modern life, and out beyond worries of how well I know a skill or how am I using my degree. I doubt my mom will be very fond of my goal, and at the same time I am a bit startled by my wish to go out and live a heavy country life. What am I doing in school then if I would travel in a diffent direction?
These are the thoughts wondering through my head as i scoop piles and piles of horse poo, from one corner to another. Morning after morning, evening and afternoon. Too many thoughts to stay in my head, they need an outlet, to form into reality. I have found myself turning to written word and expressing myself though that on this trip. I have nearly finished a journal, which I write in without fail every day 5-10 pages. Hoping to carry this habit back home with me, but we’ll see!
Its’ taken several days to write this blog entry, simply because I have not has much to say! Why fill this page with empty words? Mostly for you my family whoa re reading this in the past and wishing I was already home. It must be torture to hear me moan and complain about my time here. But i planned this trip and I must experience it. Looking forward as always to the plane ride home where I will have all the freedom to reflect on my adventure. I find solace in the clouds as they drift behind the mental wings. Untouchable, unreachable. Whatever goes on beneath me is none of my concern, nothing to trouble me. Only my thoughts hold meaning and only my mind for company. I can imagine the wind down on earth, and the rain brushing past my face when dark clouds thunder quietly beneath me. I can be anyone, stretched so high and thin up here, I can be a student. Or a bird. Or a rock at the top of a mountain, watching the world shift beneath and wonder at the complexity of all of it.
My hands have grown dry and sharp. Covered in scabs and scratches form wood and ropes. Five pale blisters slowly heal from handeling the rake everyday. My feet ace from adjusting to new rain boots. The mud here would rot my cowboy boots to mold within a day. So I wear wellies, and think of my cold feet, or my cold hands scratching a nearby horse to find warmth under a fluffy coat. Cold flower petals drift through the breezeway of the barn, sometimes I think it is snow, but other times I think I should get my rake back out. During quiet moments, I can slip away to the river sunken beside the mountain. Moving with deep throbbing movements it meanders beyond existence at the farm and into new places. From the mountains and the to the ocean. Where I too will journey in soon to be a few days. Do platypus lurk just underneath? Or strange snakes and insects? The kookaburra laughs daily, I can hear him morning and night. But I am thankful for his call, because without his laughing I would still be at my last place. Without someone to point out the situation I would not have thought to look beyond. Its good to be the point of humor in someone else’s eyes. Especially your own.
I wonder what my memories of Australia will be? What will stand out the strongest for me in the months and years to come? Will I remember fondly, or think what a waste? Will I return here as I so fondly wish? I haven’t found what I was looking for on this trip, and another one must be in order until I am satisfied. How can I really see a country then, if this methods leaves me so unsatisfied? I wonder, and I will wonder still as my place drifts off back in time…
My days here are drawing to a close, and my entry’s are thus getting sorter and more abstract, less on my experiences. When I do more, I will write about it, and when I do nothing, I will leave this place silent. Don’t worry, My time in Sydney will be sure to ignite a new story. And I have a week and a half left here to inspire new activities. As always, I miss my family and friends so much, even if it’s another few months until I see you I person, I know you are thinking of me, and I am always dreaming of you.
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