Hop, Skip and a few rides, through Australia

Something’s getting old…like this place, the chores and work, its nothing new and I quite like it, but there is no reward. I scoop poop so I can ride, I wash horses because then I can ride, or with them. I don’t enjoy all the chores for nothing. Im not really getting any experience in what I need either. My host is so wrapped up in financial and dog stuff she hasn’t shown me any training or riding. So im not even working towards my class. I tried to ask for a day off to work on school work and she ignored me! Maybe it was the three glasses of wine consumed earlier, and the fourth on its way down…but still, im a little sick of all this. Experience in horse maintenance is not what I am here for. That is something I can always find a place to learn. But it’s too late to move now, and I will be content to stay here for a week or so before returning to the US. Suffice to say I am not entirely satisfied with this trip to Australia, I will have to return to make it more worth it. A lot of other people come here to work for a year, since the exchange rate is so good, so that might be a possibility, but I want to go on a greater adventure! Something like my teacher who worked on a cattle ranch for 6 months! Hard work with rewards and dirty living. Here I still feel sheltered. I am happyist out on a horse, working long hours and working ranch life. Early mornings and cold adventures, knowing I am doing something meaningful. My months at the ranch are my fondest memories of Prescott so far. Maybe I was meant to be a ranchers wife? Maybe that’s where I will go. Out beyond worries of modern life, and out beyond worries of how well I know a skill or how am I using my degree. I doubt my mom will be very fond of my goal, and at the same time I am a bit startled by my wish to go out and live a heavy country life. What am I doing in school then if I would travel in a diffent direction?
These are the thoughts wondering through my head as i scoop piles and piles of horse poo, from one corner to another. Morning after morning, evening and afternoon. Too many thoughts to stay in my head, they need an outlet, to form into reality. I have found myself turning to written word and expressing myself though that on this trip. I have nearly finished a journal, which I write in without fail every day 5-10 pages. Hoping to carry this habit back home with me, but we’ll see!
Its’ taken several days to write this blog entry, simply because I have not has much to say! Why fill this page with empty words? Mostly for you my family whoa re reading this in the past and wishing I was already home. It must be torture to hear me moan and complain about my time here. But i planned this trip and I must experience it. Looking forward as always to the plane ride home where I will have all the freedom to reflect on my adventure. I find solace in the clouds as they drift behind the mental wings. Untouchable, unreachable. Whatever goes on beneath me is none of my concern, nothing to trouble me. Only my thoughts hold meaning and only my mind for company. I can imagine the wind down on earth, and the rain brushing past my face when dark clouds thunder quietly beneath me. I can be anyone, stretched so high and thin up here, I can be a student. Or a bird. Or a rock at the top of a mountain, watching the world shift beneath and wonder at the complexity of all of it.
My hands have grown dry and sharp. Covered in scabs and scratches form wood and ropes. Five pale blisters slowly heal from handeling the rake everyday. My feet ace from adjusting to new rain boots. The mud here would rot my cowboy boots to mold within a day. So I wear wellies, and think of my cold feet, or my cold hands scratching a nearby horse to find warmth under a fluffy coat. Cold flower petals drift through the breezeway of the barn, sometimes I think it is snow, but other times I think I should get my rake back out. During quiet moments, I can slip away to the river sunken beside the mountain. Moving with deep throbbing movements it meanders beyond existence at the farm and into new places. From the mountains and the to the ocean. Where I too will journey in soon to be a few days. Do platypus lurk just underneath? Or strange snakes and insects? The kookaburra laughs daily, I can hear him morning and night. But I am thankful for his call, because without his laughing I would still be at my last place. Without someone to point out the situation I would not have thought to look beyond. Its good to be the point of humor in someone else’s eyes. Especially your own.
I wonder what my memories of Australia will be? What will stand out the strongest for me in the months and years to come? Will I remember fondly, or think what a waste? Will I return here as I so fondly wish? I haven’t found what I was looking for on this trip, and another one must be in order until I am satisfied. How can I really see a country then, if this methods leaves me so unsatisfied? I wonder, and I will wonder still as my place drifts off back in time…
My days here are drawing to a close, and my entry’s are thus getting sorter and more abstract, less on my experiences. When I do more, I will write about it, and when I do nothing, I will leave this place silent. Don’t worry, My time in Sydney will be sure to ignite a new story. And I have a week and a half left here to inspire new activities. As always, I miss my family and friends so much, even if it’s another few months until I see you I person, I know you are thinking of me, and I am always dreaming of you.

A day, a new family,

Last night I gorged myself on curry and pear cake, while watching Australia’s next top model. Sound fabulous? Because it very well damn it! This new place is almost beyond words, I watched peacocks flair their tails at cats and horses graze along a river bank. I chatted with three other helpers (2 from the UK, 1 from Germany) and felt at peace for the first time since I have been here. That moment at the train station where I held my future in the balance of whether the railroad clerk would switch the sign from ‘closed’ to ‘open’, while earlier in the day as I stood on the side of the road after being thrown out of the house, brought to the wrong bus stop and left in the rain I debated on whether to go onward or not. If it was worth it to see if this new place was free from the poison of those wretched people. This is my blog, so I can be nasty…but I am not letting them cling to me, so I will be quick. After calling and bitching about me to my future host, and then refusing to bring me to the bus stop (it was only 20 ft. down the road for god’s sake!) I felt quite justified in leaving early, though the conversation surrounding my announcement was quite appalling…you really find out about people when you make them mad, and this couple held a lot of spite in them. Which all came out on me! But while I let my resentment burn away, I am creating a truthful review for the website, so that no one else has to go through the verbal abuse I went through. I came there to work, if you don’t give me a job and then call me lazy, whose fault is it?
I’m tired of bitching about memories I would sooner forget. The point is, I am free, in a new place with new people. And despite rosemarys best efforts, no bias towards my character. My new host has taken me in, given me a clean slate and asked me to work. She might have some rough spots, but she is never hard, and never so pointy that you bleed upon contact. Why, we make cake everyday! (I made butter cake tonight) and can go into town in her car whenever we want. Best of all, I have been working with her horses without any scrutiny, any yelling, and stress! Its true she has another unique system of working with them, but it’s less crazy and I think I can work with it, as well as learn from it. But today my morning job was to groom three horses (who haven’t been near a brush in a looooooooooong long time, I looked like cousin it when I was done!) and then feed the peacocks! The work doing here is so..easy, make food, care for horses, do some training, learn her style. Pet all the dogs and kittens and bunny. Feed some more animals and people. Sleep! Watch some tv and read a good book. I don’t feel like im working so much as going through everyday living.
As different as this place is form the last, it is still not home. I am still working and living by someone else’s rules and systems. More than ever it clearly defines my desire to be able to learn on my own and live on my own. Not to be done learning but to at least learn my own way of working with horses without someone to tell me I am wrong. Or overlook me. The way I have presented myself in this has left me lacking in respect form any fellow horseperson. And made me seem like a youngin who doesn’t know anything; this is true to some extent, but I still get tired of hearing it. I take what learning I can every day, and discard what doesn’t sit well with me, after giving it fair consideration. I am busty using my free time for class, and reanalyzing why I am here, what I am doing here, and what will I do with my experience from here. Loads of fun I tell you. Though as the days pass into night I always grow just a little homesick, proof mostly that I am still not feeling 100% myself, not able to throw myself into this world and experiences. In the past it has been quite easy to abandon thoughts of home and live in the moment. But here I am unable, for the most part to do that. Which is no great sorrow, I am still enjoying myself and having fun, im am just eager to return home and resume life. Definitely not going to be moving across the world for permanent anytime soon.

so not much this week, I will work on something more while i am working away, more about the parrots and trees and beautiful things around me, its spring here and the weather is warm and cold, occasional rain and lots of flowers. Sometimes I sit in the garden and watch the flowers drift past in the breeze, and think on my future, and what it will bring me. more distance form family? more trials and hard times im certain, but here I can build an attitude to deal with whatever may come and what might not come. but those are thoughts for later! tonight I am tired, full of cake and ready for an early sleep.
My love to you all, back in the US, and know that I am thinking of you with longing and can’t wait to see you. your comments make me feel loved, and I love hearing form everyone. Grandma, Grandpa hank I miss you,

ALL MY LOVE!

Well hello their America! Long time no speak! I have been away on my adventure and doe forgot my password to make new posts, so of course I haven’t made any. But I figured it all out, and here I am with a long overdue post to all my family. The two of you that read this… as you can attest this past week made me a little crazy, wanting to leave and then wanting to stay, then turning right back around, packing my bags and even telling my hosts that I wanted to leave!
I’m still here.
It’s not the food that kept me here, though it’s rather tasty. And it’s certainly not the company since the only other person besides the owners is a French girl named Sophie who doesn’t really talk to me. It might be the opportunity to pick up all the horse poo o want with my bare hands, or having to skirt around horses like they will kick and attack at any second. Or it very well might be the yelling and the tense atmosphere. I might say I stay for the lessons in proper English riding, where the only way to stop your horse is the one rein emergency STOP. (don’t get me started on why she used this as the main stopping command for everyday use, when every expert says it should only be used in emergency stops) or stirrups must be kept long and dangling, complete with crops and things. What I have found here, and this is why I am staying, is a unique combination of crazy and tradition. The trainers have picked through all the different types of trainers and found what they like, not if it makes sense but if they liked it and applied it to a breeding facility. The quality of horses they turn out is very poor, with spooky horses, unsafe around pretty much anyone who is not a horse guru and unhappy to work. I have not seen a great deal of their training yet but I will in the next few weeks and be assured, it won’t be very pretty I sure.
But through the crazy there are perks, heave riding instruction, which while often unwanted and rather loud and repetitive is helpful. (Charlie is a very patient man, and I prefer lessons with him and his gentle tone, as compared to Rosemary that shrieks at you and won’t let up) I have been riding for a few days now in an arena alone, practicing her strange way of steering and leg control necessary for when I go out into the endurance field. Charlie come in for 15 minutes or so and teaches me, then I ride on my own and figure things out. My mare is kind of old, and had been out of use for year so my job is to get her fit and renew her training so they can sell her. She knows all the ground work and also takes advantage of any moment she can. She’s fun.
Mornings start up around 8, breakfast (which I can’t normally stand, and is killing me here!) get horses which means walking up a very large hill and a complicated procedure of opening gates, moving electric wire and poking horses. Then doing it all over again to get back out. Then it takes us an hour to tack up three horses, since they need to adjust to the area, take a nap if they must (we don’t wake them from their nap) then grooming, which can take a while if the horses are being skittish. Then saddles which sometimes need to be redone 2-3 times. Finally when you are good and ready you can get mounted up. While I go off and ride in the arena the other two take to the fields and exercise the horses. Which I will be able to do someday…maybe.
The morning rides usually ends in a few hours, and then putting away gear and cleaning up the area takes another hour. Lunch is usually around 2-3ish, which is why I need to eat a large breakfast, and that is the only meal which is prepared. Its large and usually very tasty, but sometimes not enough food is made. Then we either work a young horse or hang around until the sun sets which is a few hours. Today, we had lunch around 3, which means the sun sets in 3 hours and we are just sitting in the house doing our own thing. Dinner is whenever you want it, and whatever you find in the fridge. Usually not lunch leftovers since there are not any. I’ve been having bread with jam and cheese. Lots of tea here. Tea every damn hour.
Then it’s time for bed! Anywhere from 8 to 11, whenever you want to fall asleep. Pretty quiet right? It a nice life, not really fun but not stressful. For the past week I’ve had this chough, it’s the kind where you throat gets itchy and you cant breath because the air feels too substantial? Well that’s my chough, usually inside though, as well as lots of snot and nasty stuff. Bleh! I blame the hostel. All those sink people from the UK and Germany…
I do enjoy seeing all the kangaroos though! That is my favorite part of the day, early evening when you look out any window and see some big old kangaroos hanging out in the garden or pasture. I love to watch them move, using their tail for balance while both hind legs come off the ground, and when you go out to take a picture, they all look up and they just look so funny! The best part of Australia is chasing them around and watching them bound away and through the outback. The. best. Damn. part. Also spiny echidna’s, which are in the fame family as the platypus and…nothing else! Anyway, that is my life out here on the ranch! It’s very simple, and basic. And it’s causing me more strife and emotional see sawing then 3 months at Chauncey!
I look at my first week as my jetlag week, I had a lot of adventures in Sydney and spend a lot of time on my feet and out and about, so when I got here I really just let down my energy and slept. But then I was bombarded with yelling and all these rules and constantly being told I was completely uneducated with horses, everything I did was unsafe and barbaric. It’s not hey way that did it, it’s that I felt so…beginner! All the safety I had learned was not safe here, and all the unsafe things I learned were safe here, and heaven help if you initiated anything or tried to anticipate what they wanted. So can you blame me for wanted to cut and run? When someone is telling you all your years of experience add up to nothing but a bad education it doesn’t set you up for wanting to stay. All my confidence went right out the window…byebye!
Slowly but surely I am getting it back, though now my hosts think it is their doing, all this horse ‘savvy’ oh well, let them. I take every new rule with a smile and just do it. It doesn’t matter if I don’t agree, it’s only for three weeks and then I can just forget it. Still annoys the hell out of me though…
I have also lost track of why exactly I am here, I lost my contract for this class when my computer crashed, and none of my mentors are responding to send me a copy. So I’m kind of…making it up as I go, with limited resources and only a few books that I need. I’ll probably do more work than most OPC students do in an independent class. But still! I realize how going to Australia to learn natural horsemanship was really basic, an idea that requires more to work into my degree plan. And what I am really finding is that although a large percentage of horse people sue the same teachers, their methods are all different. I use Parrelli, and these people use Parrelli, and thousands of others use Parrelli systems of working with horses but I bet you every single one of us has a different view and way of using the same system for our own unique uses. There, the point of my class. Or at least my final paragraph if my mentor ever responds to my emails and grades me.
But I’m sure mom that you are not interested in my class as much as how I am doing. (just as I’m sure you are the only one reading this, so really it’s just one big letter to you!) I am doing alright, I usually don’t want to get out of bed, which means I’m not that excited to be here. And that is sad because I was so excited for this trip and that it would be like. Its really not like anything I was expecting, and that’s neither a good not bad thing. I am enjoying myself but I will be glad to go home. This trip was a good test, and I don’t think I could like this far away from my family. So no need to worry about me moving to Australia or India! I will try where my family is. Excluding the times I travel that is. There is no point regretting what isn’t or what I wished for. I just need to live this experience for all I can and make the best of it. The chance to ride every day and improve will be worth the trip.
I forget if I posted about my adventures in Sydney, but they were spectacular! Again, I wished I was traveling with someone else but I made the most of my time. Made some new friends, and travelled with one of them for a day before she left. Saw the big sights and all the tourist travels bought a didgeridoo cd since I couldn’t fit on in my bag, nor could I play one if I brought one back…and the guy playing it was one hot musician!
Saw an amusement park and rode the ferry a lot, back and forth form one pier to another. Saw a naked man dancing on a boat to attract attention. And lots of seagulls. Spend a lot of money and slept a lot. That was Sydney! Then a long train ride which was lovely, I love trains into the country. Next time I am looking for where Paddy went, and actually working on a ranch or something that would be more fun. I defiantly don’t believe this is my only trip to Australia; I will be back again and again! There is just too much to see! Also, I want to bring an Australia home with me, since I think their accents are just to DIE for, and would love to be married to one. Don’t care about the person, just the accent. Very shallow I know.
So, that’s all I really Have to say for now, I’m sure that my next post will be more winy and homesick then this one. And I’m sure it won’t be that interesting but that’s ok. This blog is in danger of turning into a pity fest..so send me lots of love everybody! I need the love!
I love you all, and will be home before you know it~
Let’s not look back on this with regret, or with shame, let’s look back on it with a swelling of the heart, and a rising of the blood. For the adventure that this is, and the memory that it will become. Regret nothing, and remember everything.

So I guess im a little late in this next update. sorry about that. I coulld have sworn I posted yesaterdsay but it was really a dream! so, for the past two days ya’ll need a summary..ok so my fiurst day, fresh off ther plane and wide awake I went out for a BBQ and beach party with my hostle, met three fun people, Matthew from the UK, Sebasatian from Germany, and a girl from Norway!(oops on the name) we spend the day taking odd pictures and being wierd. then later that night I went out on a PARTY BUS! WHOOT WHOOT! basically, a druken tour through sydney. 5 bars, 5 free beers, deffanitly a good time.
when on the party bus, one must not sit down, one must not stop dancing, one must NOT stick their boobies out of the wondow, andf one must be drunk. those rules are very important. I might have some photos from that night on my new friends fb, but we’ll see in a bit if they remember. I felt liek my sister that fatefull night, made out with a guy from dublin who bought me a drink (MOM! a GUY bought me a DRINK!) that has never happened before! whoohoo! but around 1:40ish i crashed, fell asleep on the toilet and knew i had to go home. so I grabbed a taxi and payed for a 5 doller trip back to the hostle. just kidding..nothing costs 5 bucks here..more like 9…
woke up to at 2 to drizzle and clouds. waitind for the sun to peek through and headed out to the aquarium! as far as they go it wasnt very impressive. I should of gone next door but was conservative with money and all that. still might go! i really wanna touch a koala! after the aquaerum I wandered around Darling harbor by myself, had tasty tai food and pondered the IMAX then it started really raining and i ran back to the hostle. i enjoyed my day very much so! though I would have been more fun with companions. later I found out they had slept till 4 and were not up for adventuring.

That brings me to today! today was a shopping fest! i needed to get some souveniers in my bag! mom, I got a new suitcase because it was bright orange, my old bag had a rip and it was cheep! Everything I bought was cheap, wonderfully so because I went to Paddys market and pigged out on australian stuff! bommerangs bath towls oven mits, kangaroo balls opal leather wristbands YOU NAME IT! i got a flag so now i can claim countrys at my leasure. but today I wasnt alone, my buddy from Norway went with me and we had a good old time. I love how all of us at the hostle are in our own way lonley, teaming up for one reason or another. a work buddy, a tourist buddy, it dosnt matter we all need a companion and their is always someone to fit the bill. so today my loneness was eased, and my culteral knowlege of bad words expanded. a good day indeed.

tommorw is my last day in Sydney, I had to book another night in the hostle because no trains were running to my ranch on weekends. but thats good! because I still ha’vnt seen the opera house and bridge, so I will ride the ferry around for a few hours eating bagels and chocolate watching tourists and seagulls. tommorow I will send out all the postcards (almost thirty you stinking buggers) and look for a place to buy a saddle. tonight though..the scary cannary has its doors open and drinks for 3:50 so i Might pop in for a few!
Skills I have learned thus far:
how to get lost in Sydney, and find my way home following a pidgon/elderly asian man
how to avoid being hungover by looking at platypus
how to kiss a dougong
and much more..when i remember…
Will be back tommorowfor a new update! sleep well all you lovely souls, I miss you and wish you well!

So here I am, ,after the smoothest plane trip I have ever had the chance to appreciate, and a fun adventure pulling a 30 pd bag all around sydney to find my darn hostle I am here! and the first thing im doing? going on the computer… darn, so much for adventure. but Ive got stuff to tell you! like how awsome my plane was, with free food and movies and how i had the whole row to myself! yes thats right, the whole row. guess who slept stretched out for 12 hours? me, thats who. had some new zealand cheese and wine, a very very tiny chicken..tiny tiny…and fell asleep. resulting in my having bounds of energy now, and about to head out on a picnic to bondi beach!
this place is exactly what I was expecting…palm trees, cool temperatures (4o or so) and lots of accents! why even the old men have sexy accents! its great. deffanitly comming back here to pick up a man so dont let me forget! im still a little jittery but figuring out customes and planes stuff and train stuff and then hostle stuff..im too blank to really be nervous.
I havnt been traveling that much but i already apreciate how wonderful a hot shower can be, with clean clothes and combed hair! yum!!!
I am in kind of apickle though, im not sure what day it is, what time it is, and what season it is. this is all stuff I can figure out but its jsut strange not to know these things. early spring or late fall? late winter maybe? oh well.. heres to warm socks!
but in all seriousness…its still strange to be out here, alone. who will gasp in excitement with me while i gaze at the majextic sifghts of..of…the marsupials?! or the buildings? or the FOOD!? this is a real problem…but oh well. soon i will be too busy working my ass off to miss ya’ll, not when horses are nearby! so, this thing dosnt have spellcheck, so im not gonna bother, because it takes up time and time on here is money. FUNKY AUSTRALIAN MONEY! i’ll post pictures in a bit, once i take some.
im out of meaningful things to say. just wanted to check in with that i arrived safely, and am content. I miss everyone back home but im getting over it. this adventures too short for homesickness. thank you to everyone who helped me the other day during my panic mode. I really needed your support and love! I will not think twice to contact anyof you with my next troubles! so now im off to a famous beach suposedly littered with cute surfers and just cute guys! catch ya’ll in a few!

SO here I am..sitting on my bed with my favorite stuffed animals sitting around me, dog on one side, cat on the other. reviewing my travel plans and thinking once again how terrifying the next few days are going to be. what in the world possessed me to decide to travel all by my lonesome halfway across the world to Australia? of ALL places, Australia! I don’t even know what was going through my head…but now, sitting on my bed, and listening to the rain trickle around me, landing on that lush green canopy I know is overhead, and wont see for another 9 months. all A named places from here on out, Australia, Arizona..maybe Argentina? oh well. I am more nervous about my few days of vacation then my 6 week stay with total strangers and their horses. at lease with horses I know whats up, but in the city? I am a complete boob.

to anyone reading this, I promise it will get better, I just had to create the prerequisite terrified post while fervently convincing myself not to go..then to go..then not to go! I don’t know what to do! I want to stay home with my mom! I want to stay with Bethe and with all the people who make my heart sing, why the fuck am I going so far away to work with horses?
because my feet itch..like this terrible burning sensation, like when the pavement gets too hot under your feet and you get stuck in the tar. and getting unstuck takes another few years and then you just give up and settle down. make sense? well, it does to me, and I always feel like that if i settle down for any longer then a month. at least in school., i have an excuse, but if i were to stay home? I would never be able to tear myself away again..and I have miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before i can even take a breath.
now that I have explained how I can leave my mom to this..green paradise. maybe i can go a little into my plans for the next few weeks? with a stopover in Sydney for 4 days to swing by the beach and buy stuff like kangaroo ball purses, and expensive opal. I will be spending my nights at a hostel in the center of town. on the 18 I will be moving out towards the outback, several hours outside of Sydney to a ranch where I will work with a family which breeds American saddle-bred horses. exciting huh? I think so..so it really doesn’t matter..this blog is to record my thoughts! give my family and friends some semblance of what I am doing with my life, and connect with the past. (HA HA!) so tune in for a few rocky adventures! no punches pulled or words minced!

ITS ADVENTURE TIME!!!
( and bed..eventually)

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