Hop, Skip and a few rides, through Australia

A day, a new family,

Last night I gorged myself on curry and pear cake, while watching Australia’s next top model. Sound fabulous? Because it very well damn it! This new place is almost beyond words, I watched peacocks flair their tails at cats and horses graze along a river bank. I chatted with three other helpers (2 from the UK, 1 from Germany) and felt at peace for the first time since I have been here. That moment at the train station where I held my future in the balance of whether the railroad clerk would switch the sign from ‘closed’ to ‘open’, while earlier in the day as I stood on the side of the road after being thrown out of the house, brought to the wrong bus stop and left in the rain I debated on whether to go onward or not. If it was worth it to see if this new place was free from the poison of those wretched people. This is my blog, so I can be nasty…but I am not letting them cling to me, so I will be quick. After calling and bitching about me to my future host, and then refusing to bring me to the bus stop (it was only 20 ft. down the road for god’s sake!) I felt quite justified in leaving early, though the conversation surrounding my announcement was quite appalling…you really find out about people when you make them mad, and this couple held a lot of spite in them. Which all came out on me! But while I let my resentment burn away, I am creating a truthful review for the website, so that no one else has to go through the verbal abuse I went through. I came there to work, if you don’t give me a job and then call me lazy, whose fault is it?
I’m tired of bitching about memories I would sooner forget. The point is, I am free, in a new place with new people. And despite rosemarys best efforts, no bias towards my character. My new host has taken me in, given me a clean slate and asked me to work. She might have some rough spots, but she is never hard, and never so pointy that you bleed upon contact. Why, we make cake everyday! (I made butter cake tonight) and can go into town in her car whenever we want. Best of all, I have been working with her horses without any scrutiny, any yelling, and stress! Its true she has another unique system of working with them, but it’s less crazy and I think I can work with it, as well as learn from it. But today my morning job was to groom three horses (who haven’t been near a brush in a looooooooooong long time, I looked like cousin it when I was done!) and then feed the peacocks! The work doing here is so..easy, make food, care for horses, do some training, learn her style. Pet all the dogs and kittens and bunny. Feed some more animals and people. Sleep! Watch some tv and read a good book. I don’t feel like im working so much as going through everyday living.
As different as this place is form the last, it is still not home. I am still working and living by someone else’s rules and systems. More than ever it clearly defines my desire to be able to learn on my own and live on my own. Not to be done learning but to at least learn my own way of working with horses without someone to tell me I am wrong. Or overlook me. The way I have presented myself in this has left me lacking in respect form any fellow horseperson. And made me seem like a youngin who doesn’t know anything; this is true to some extent, but I still get tired of hearing it. I take what learning I can every day, and discard what doesn’t sit well with me, after giving it fair consideration. I am busty using my free time for class, and reanalyzing why I am here, what I am doing here, and what will I do with my experience from here. Loads of fun I tell you. Though as the days pass into night I always grow just a little homesick, proof mostly that I am still not feeling 100% myself, not able to throw myself into this world and experiences. In the past it has been quite easy to abandon thoughts of home and live in the moment. But here I am unable, for the most part to do that. Which is no great sorrow, I am still enjoying myself and having fun, im am just eager to return home and resume life. Definitely not going to be moving across the world for permanent anytime soon.

so not much this week, I will work on something more while i am working away, more about the parrots and trees and beautiful things around me, its spring here and the weather is warm and cold, occasional rain and lots of flowers. Sometimes I sit in the garden and watch the flowers drift past in the breeze, and think on my future, and what it will bring me. more distance form family? more trials and hard times im certain, but here I can build an attitude to deal with whatever may come and what might not come. but those are thoughts for later! tonight I am tired, full of cake and ready for an early sleep.
My love to you all, back in the US, and know that I am thinking of you with longing and can’t wait to see you. your comments make me feel loved, and I love hearing form everyone. Grandma, Grandpa hank I miss you,

ALL MY LOVE!

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