January 23, 2005
back in Brooklyn, finally. Have remembered some things about Israel and Egypt. I am reading a book called "Beirut to Jerusalem" and someone was talking about the sensuality of the women. There is sensuality everywhere and I admire that, cause as I was walking through the snow it occured to me it never snows there. But these are people who feel more than they think, which I envy, but common sense is missing. But I have envied these Italian and other Med women who seem slow and fiery and with their boobs hanging out of their dresses ......I would like to be that for a day.
This is what I missed, though, sitting in my place at night with the view of the other apartments, when it's quiet and only my cats for company. I missed this a lot. I wish I could stay here for months more just vegging out in my place but I can't.....I'm going to, I think, be working very hard in the upcoming months. BUt I'm so happy to have my place back after months of not having it and a week of strangers being here and just not having space. Non NYCers don't understand how hard it is to find a place in NYC and keep it. I wonder why people gravitate toward certain places, like if it's fated. Or at least there's a chemistry there.
January 06, 2005
FInally, I got them on my comp. But the strain of this whole thing showed on my face and my eyebrows needed waxing and I feel like I look chubby. It's hard for me to see myself. I need makeup. I looked best in Dahab, away from the men.
December 30, 2004
Now that I have to work.......at what? What's the point of staying here? If I can earn European wages that's one and a half the money I'd make here. The UK Pound even better. What we need is a social wage here, and it's not happening......fast enough. Once again it's women who frustrate me with their inability to organize and focus.....yeah, I'm being hard, but for a reason. But given the factors outside my control, what is within my power? And I think all the time about where I'm going next; maybe spend another month in Egypt, at least, just in one place, too; like the Dahab Hotel in Cairo, bring a space heater and scissors this time. I should have loaded up on chocolate there. I have to go to JFK airport and get my cat statue and perfume the Israeli security guards felt obligated to put in a separate box.
Still thinking about the tsunami; I'm glad Egypt wasn't hurt; so the people I met there are OK. Fortunately Dahab is on the Red Sea where I don't think there'll be a tsunami (not like I'm the expert). I actually took Oceanography in college and almost flunked, but I did learn about tsunamis there. One of my biggest fears as a kid was being swallowed up by a giant wave of water. We lived on Lake Michigan and I have had dreams about flooding and so on. I knew one of the warning signs of a tsunami coming is receding water; if the water gets suddenly pulled way out, that means get out. Even in the Hamptons when I'm in the water I have fears of that happening.
December 27, 2004
So now it's back to the "real world" and stuff I have to do.
Outside it's snowing and my cats are going nuts; what is all this cold white stuff everywhere?
It's weird cause my friend in Egypt has never seen snow. This Australian girl I met in Berlin was all excited about seeing it. It's just that growing up in the Midwest snow is like the sky; it's always there. But when I went to Egypt my oohh oohh stuff was the palm trees.
So I was determined to see the Med Sea and the Red Sea and I saw both. I saw the surface of Saudi Arabia (I had read a book about it a year before). I saw camels and donkeys everywhere; although I'm not sure I see the point of riding donkeys.
But just thinking of what I want to do, it occurred to me I can go to Egypt and work on a farm; maybe then I can help the animals plus ride horses. I have my morning running routine or exercise of some kind; just something I have to do, but if I can work that in and have my own bathroom and room (I really need these things)......maybe in Dahab.
SO I'm reading about the tsunami wave in THailand, and I almost went to SE Asia rather than Egypt. I would have left by the 23rd, so I'd have missed this. I can't believe the awfulness; it makes me question God/dess.....why would S/He allow this: children dying, animals, but a European honeymoon couple survives. No one deserves to die in this thing; but at least my Egypt friends are safe. Maybe there's something I can do....????????
THis is non-related, but it's interesting how you can be attracted to certain people and not others. SOmeone you're drawn to may not even be the best looking or whatnot, but they have je ne sais quoi or something; astrology says it's planetary compatibility or chemistry. My opinion is either it's there or it's not; you can't make it happen. If you know what I mean.
December 26, 2004
I was gone for only two weeks but it was such a long two weeks. All these people who go for months or years, I envy them. I left for Chicago for two years but knew I had to return to NYC. It's home, but that's changing. But I get homesick and by two weeks I needed to come home; and after that time I really did live in Egypt. But seeing what I did and meeting who I did......I feel like I wasn't there long enough (so the other travellers tell me) but there was xmas and my money was running out and I was weary.....but what I experienced was a lot and it shook me up. I am so upset and the inhumanity I saw and the suffering that was so unnecessary and wrong ..........
November 26, 2004
I'm bitching now, yeah, and I want to be positive and say positive things but maybe it's best to be honest. I went for my first sojourn into manhattan since coming back and went to hipsterville east village. I just felt so ill at ease there and so angry and frustrated, and I feel like I have to say something, but it's not nice. I think many of these kids are rich kids and something about the personality of that place is a big turn off. It's turning into another soho, with boutiques and expensive restaurants everywhere. The funky punk shops as well as the residents are being slowly forced out and replaced with tenants who pay ten times the rent. I've heard stories, oh man, of just really viscious things: people being beaten, burned out of their homes, of firemen waving flames to keep fires going, of landlords working in cahoots with robbers......well, it's up to you reader to draw your own conclusions. You can say I'm nuts but I'm just repeating what others have told me. And even more, I am mad at the "left" communities which refuse to take on the issues facing women globally, such as trafficking. THe reason I'm saying this is cause it is happening in places like this. I got an email saying that The Nation, a progressive magazine, is advertising sex tours in southeast asia. From what I've read and heard, women and girls there have been forced into prostitution and the stories are harrowing ones. And naturally many books and magazine articles have been written denying this, in among others activist publications. Well, personally I am convinced that stories of forced prostitution are not an exaggeration and that it is very truly happening. But (for lack of a better term) much of the "left" mainly here in NYC is continually dodging the issue, but it's too complicated to go into here.
November 21, 2004
Either go home as planned (I have a return ticket THanksgiving) or else try to stay here longer. My family is already worried about me and Iīll have to tell them I wonīt be home for thanksgiving. People here donīt seem to understand how seriously my family takes these holidays plus they call me every week. I envy those people who are in situations where they can just take off for months and donīt seem to feel afraid or emotional.
.....but I canīt change my flight so tell me I did it wrong or that Iīm here too short a time or wasted money (hopefully not too much) but itīs already done. you live and learn. I have to leave in just two days and I havenīt "done" enough, I still want to see some plays and Iīve been to only one museum....but I spent most of my time just wandering around the city. Still, I found things just doing that. Or else, I was spending time with people here. Itīs kind of sad that I have to leave, but I know in advance itīs better to wing it, cause you donīt know what to expect. it could have been worse. also, I want to find a club. so yeah, mistakes were made but what can I do about it now, other than go from here?
November 19, 2004
good news is I havenīt spent much money, and it helps that some people have been nice enough to offer accomodation, for nothing. Still, Iīm running out. I can go back and survive on the money I have left or else spend the last of it on more tickets. I can still travel, but it will definitely be easier to do it from here. That means missing thanksgiving, and honestly I didnīt tell my parents I left. I figured, what is the point? But itīs getting around to if I want to make this count I have to jump off.....so........thereīs no easy way out. Other option is to stay here, cause rents are super cheap, and I can take a side trip to Athens and Cairo, and just not go home. Or else change the date. ???????????
I saw the statue of Bastet yesterday.....sheīs my fave of the goddesses. Sheīs the cat.
so.......itīs getting time to face what I donīt want to......but life offers not many opportunities for things like this so I need to take what I can get. hmmmm.....
my friends here ask, what is thanksgiving?
November 18, 2004
to get married
become a nun
November 03, 2004
went with the radies to PA to cheer for Kerry. They were very supportive and I like Philly a lot, but I'm exhausted. I can't believe Bush is doing as well as he is......this is very stressful. Still, even if Cherry becomes prez I've still got my immediate situation to work out. I guess by tomorrow we'll know.
Look, I had no illusions about Kerry. I didn't even like him that much; not that I hated him, but he just didn't seem great. And under Clinton I had my share of grievances. BUt this.......this is too much. HOW does Bush get so popular? I don't understand this country. I don't understand women who vote for this guy and don't want other women's civil liberties held up. I'm serious. I don't understand why people would want these people with atrocious human rights records to be in charge. I know: assimilation. But that alone can't explain it. I guess I'm biased and influenced by my experience, but all this W is for women stuff isn't cutting it, I mean please! Who has a right to tell a woman she can't have an abortion, use birth control; and Bush supports horrid regimes that force women to hide under veils when they go out side (Saudi Arabia). I just don't understand this place. ??????????