Attempting to break free of our Delhi funk, we decided to try to hop in a rickshaw and go pay a visit to the city's famed Red Fort. Of course, in subcontinental travel, things are never as straightforward as you might imagine ...

By which I mean to say: we ended up locked out of the Red Fort, and caught up in a maelstrom of goats.

I don't know what the problem with the Red Fort was, but it just wasn't happening. We were sent from one heavily-armed entryway to another, each time without success.

I might point out that a) we only ever asked men-with-guns for directions (they seemed our best bet); and (b) they NEVER, not even ONCE suggested that we couldn't go inside today. Every time, it was just: gesture, gesture, head-bobble, 'please go to other gate, madam.'

No luck.

No matter, we decided to take the momentous decision to cross the road (a death-defying feat) and look instead for India's largest mosque.

No sooner had we crossed said road, than we found ourselves caught up in the biggest, wackiest, zaniest melee of goats, goat-herders and goat buyers that you can imagine.

Actually, scrap that - unless you have seen nigh-on one thousand goats milling by the side of an Indian road DRESSED IN TINSEL and SRAYPAINTED with fluoro stripes, then it was probably crazier than the craziest goat melee you can imagine.

The goats were butting into us, they were grabbing at small tree branches, they were cavorting and making merry. Police were whacking the goat-traders in the back of the head when they strayed too far into the path of traffic, and everywhere, EVERYWHERE there were more of these creatures!

Once purchased, the goats would ride away in auto-rickshaws - a bizarrely comical sight. It was one of those things where the first time you see it, you shout, 'Oh my God! It's a goat riding in a rickshaw!' and then 20 minutes later when you've barely moved an inch because damn goats are blocking your path, you say weakly, 'Oh look ... another goat in a rickshaw ... Can we go home now?!'

Still, I reckon this beat the pants off the Red Fort for kookiness, so I'm happy.