(Getting ready to go on an extended trip is a lot of work. Here's a project I came across while sorting through my junk. e-mail me eric_forsythe@hotmail.com)

[On the stage there is a wall made of flats for the background under dull, flat light. A punk-rock band plays wild music as a young crowd cheers. Three empty chairs sit side by side in up and center. CARSON DALY, a well-groomed and hip young man, enters from right to applause and a crescendo of music.]

CARSON
(To AUDIENCE)
Thanks for joining us. This is "LAST CALL" and I'm Carson Daly. Tonight's show we're very excited about. Our guests tonight just released their third album titled "Dough, Hoes and Blows." Please welcome Bones and Tamdogg.

(BONES enters from left and TAMDOGG enters from right. They are dressed in the height of mainstream hip-hop fashion. They stand next to their chairs, with CARSON in front of the center chair.)

CARSON (CONT'D)
(To BONES AND TAMDOGG)
Gentlemen, be seated.

(All three sit.)

CARSON (CONT'D)
Nice to have you on the show. Nice to have you. What's happening?

BONES
We just doin' what we doin'.

TAMDOGG
'Cuz dat's what we do! HA! HA! You know what I'm sayin'?

CARSON
I haven't a clue.

(awkward silence)

CARSON (CONT’D)
Wait! I have a question for you.

BONES
Fo' shizzle my nizzle.

CARSON
Bless you. After the success of your last album, "Cris, Hits and Chicks", how do you "keep it real?"

BONES
We jus' doin' what we always done. You know what I'm sayin'? An’ dat's doin' our thang. In da Hills or in da hood it's all da same.

TAMDOGG
On da bus or in da Benz we jus' talkin' bout our life on planet erf. We're first on da block wit da Bentley you know what I'm sayin'? It don't change who we are or what we representin'. It's da same Tam an' Bones.

CARSON
Well said. I think everyone would like a little sample of your new album.
(To AUDIENCE)
Right?

(Audience goes wild as BONES and TAMDOGG are handed wireless mics from a running stage hand.)

BONES
Aw right this is a little sumptin' we call "Doo - Dahhh."

CARSON
(To AUDIENCE)
"Doo - Dah" everybody.

(BONES and TAMDOGG sing, all the while making elaborate hand gestures and bobbing around the stage, strutting and waving their arms)
("DOO - DAH")
BONES
DA COMP-TON BIT-CHES SING DIS SONG:

BOTH
DOO D-AHHH! DOO DAHHH!

TAMDOGG
DA COMP-TON PAR-TY ALL NIGHT LONG:

BOTH
OH! DOO DAH DAY!

TAMDOGG (CONT'D)
I COME DOWN DERE WID TIR-TY INCH RIMS:

BOTH
DOO D-AHHH! DOO D-AHHH!

BONES
I GO BACK HOME WID DA BENZ FULL A CHICKS:

BOTH
OH! DOO DAH DAY!

BOTH
GWINE TO PIMP ALL NIGHT!
GWINE TO PIMP ALL DAY!
I'LL MAKE MY MON-EY AN DA ES-CA-LADE,
I KNOW HOW TO PLAY DIS GAME.

BONES
DA CAMPTOWN BIT-CHES SING DIS SONG:

BOTH
DOO D-AHHH! DOO D-AHHH!

TAMDOGG
DA CAMPTOWN PAR-TY ALL NIGHT LONG:

BOTH
OH! DOO DAH DAY!

TAMDOGG (CONT'D)
OL' TAM-DOGG SPOR-TIN' CAD-I-LAC:

BOTH
DOO D-AHHH! DOO D-AHHH!

BONES
BALL-IN' BONES SIPP-IN' CONE-EE-ACK:

BOTH
OH! DOO DAH DAY!

BOTH (CONT'D)
GWINE TO PIMP ALL NIGHT!
GWINE TO PIMP ALL DAY!
SHE'LL SUCK THIS DICK AND NOT GET PAID,
I KNOW HOW TO PLAY DIS GAME.

(At the end of the song, BONES & TAMDOGG cross their arms in an arrogant pose; CARSON stands and CLAPS his hands for applause.)

CARSON
(To BONES and TAMDOGG)
Thank you for being here.

CARSON (CONT'D)
(To AUDIENCE)
Bones and TamDogg everybody. They'll be joining up with Nelly in the Arena tonight for his "Pimp Juice" tour. And be sure to check out their new album, "Dough, Hoes and Blows" hitting stores this week. Goodnight!