Ya see, back about three years ago, America's alarm clock went off, and told us it was Time to Fight Evil. Now, this wasn't the first time it had rung, but before, America hit the Snooze Bar of Ignorance, or we stuck our heads under the Pillow of Apathy. But President Bush jumped in the shower, and ran out to fight Evil without even making a pot of coffee.

He knew that when Evil knocks on your door, you don't invite it in for tea. That'll just get your apartment all messy and probably smelling like feet. No, you slam the door in its face, then you follow it home and try to knock some sense into it, and let its apartment smell like feet. It probably did before you got there, anyway.

And while you're pummeling Evil, you keep pummeling, until it gives up and decides that it has better things to do than Be Evil. Because it knows where you live, and it could come knocking any day now. And you just cleaned your living room and you don't even like tea.