NDBT

Dictated by Jess, typed by Ross. First off I forgot to mention (with editorial comments by Ross) that on red nose day we saw two girls dressed up as flower pots.

For our big day out in Edinburrough (my personal phoenetics) we started off at Hollyrood. It was big. The interior was well preserved, Jess says, which is due to the fact that is still a running residence for the Queen. Jess was u[pset about the lack of photos allowed in the interior. Especially in Mary Q of S’s Bed chambers. You could see where her secretary was murdered. For more on this press ‘3’. Good audio tour, says Jess. Prince Chalres talks to you, which is…Charles. They had Bonnie Charlie’s pistols. There was a nifty ruined abbey, where people were coronated, also inspired Mendelson (Ross phoenetics again). Good job Hollyrood explaining the order of monarchs. Those flowcharts can be tricky.

A dog died in Edinburra.

What Ross means to say is we saw Greyfriar’s Bobby. Or a statue of it at least, since seeing the real dog would be gross. Nachos were consumed. Then off to Edenburrah Castle, up on a cliff (Jess says ‘giant rock’ I think that’s what she means). Big gun. Named Meg Mons. 12th C. chapel up there too, as well as the Nat’l War Memorial. All WWI and earlier. Saw Stone of Destiny. And Crown Jewels. Ross was impressed more by the lump of granite than the jewels. Jess remarks on its sparkly characteristics. Chocolate Soup was good. Went to two galleries: Nat’l, decent old stuff, and Dean, modern, pretty good. In old: Raphael, Rembrandt, Botticelli, El Greco, etc. In new: Dali, Picasso, Munch, Ernst, two-storey Vulcan sculpture, and too much Miro for Ross’ tastes. Ate decent Indian. Jess remarks that we saw someone in a kilt. This is hardly unsurprising, as is the case with her other remark that we heard bagpipes. They have dark chocolate Kitkats. I assume Jess is refering to the posessions of the bagpipes in that sentence.

 Played lots of Rummy. Equally matched. Jess has the gall to suggest she wins more. Ross attributes this to delirium caused by his amazing winning powers. Half of Eedinburraagh won a football game, lots of cheering and street crowding. Next day to Inverness.

Nice hostel. Very cold. I happen to own no long-sleeved shirts, so Jess leant me her fleece. Blizzard during bus-ride up. But lots of spectacular scenery from what we could make out. Got front top seats on double-decker. J thinks Scotland is like the West. With lots of dramatic scenery (wait a sec, Jess, you just said it was spectacular? WHich is it dramatic or spectacular?) whereas England is like the East-Coast. Depressing. Jess says ‘quaint and pretty’. Inverness Castle had a really good museum on Picts through BPC. (Bonnie Prince Charlie). Touchy-feely. There was this one guard…Nevermind. I had some difficulties with Nine Men’s Morris. Ate Thai at place called ‘Hootenany’.

 Continued to snow next day headed to Loch Ness. Nice tour guide. Really beautiful Loch. Cruise on Loch. Photos uploaded on webshots. Including Nessie. Went to Urqhart Castle, the third most strategic castle in Scotland. Originally Pictish settlement, and later an Iron age fort. St. Columba stopped there. Ruins now, blown up to keep from Jacobite’s hands. Has a working trebuchet used for flinging haggis into Loch Ness to attract Nessie. Did you know you can buy a Haggis Whistle? It perfectly mimics the mating call of a haggis and is useful for calling the haggi down from the highlands. Moving on from Jess’ delirium… Went to Loch Ness 2000 which had everything and more you never wanted to know about Nessie. Conclusion: It was a sturgeon. Oh, and Chernobyl is scary. For those of you just joining us Urqhart Castle is the third most strategic castle in Scotland. And the Great Glen is the most active fault line in Britain.

Next we headed to Culloden. It was the site of the last battle on British soil on April 16 1746 by BPC and the Gov’mnt. BPC managed to lose over 1200 men in 45 minutes. Good job BPC. Afterwards the Gov raped lundered and murdered more. Lundering is similar to plundering, but is done by skeelers. The gov probably did not rape lunder and murder in that order, though. Went out on the feild, but a hail storm began. Jess retreated back into the visitor center. I bravely marched on. Afterwards went to Clava cairns. Again with the Picts and the big stone circles, solsticish. Headed back to Inverness. For those of you just joining us Urqhart Castle is the third most strategic castle in Scotland.

Next day took bus to Skye, to claim we’d been to a Hebrede. Lots of snow, very beautiful. Lots of deer eating snow. Fuzzy cows. Coos. Got out in Portree after J nearly got motion sickness from bus journey. Very reminiscent of airplane turbulence. I liked it. Jess says it was something else. Had good warm food in cafe in Portree called the Granary. Went on forrest walk. Pretty, eerie. Longest-ever game of celebrity names, Ross won. Jess denies this on technicality. She may be right, sources uncertain. Eagle nest spotted, owl-pellets. Rained on way back. Stopped for Hot Cocoa, and a slice of diabetic-coma pie. (Actually it was cake, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it, whereas ‘Diabetic Pie’ would make a great name for a rock band.) Back to Inverness.

 Spent today travelling. In Leeds now, doing laundry, eating yogurt. Simultaneously since we are cool like that. Previously, in Inverness:

Saw Borat. Funny, but not hysterical says Jess. Also had a Russian get into the spirit by declaring ‘all blacks in America only drink malt liquor.’ He didn’t realize that Borat was not a real person. Sort of like some people and Colbert says J. I say Borat had aproximately three minutes of good material, which sadly was not consecuitive. More icecream trucks should have bears.

For those of you just joining us Urqhart Castle is the third most strategic castle in Scotland…

Tags: Travel

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