Airborne Antics..
Monday, February 27th, 2006I had an interesting flight from Hanoi to Bangkok this afternoon. The carrier was AirAsia, a no-frills airline that spans across south-east Asia. The flight was only an hour & a half long. And after attempting to sell merchandise and warm Coke from the trolley (which must have taken all of 4 minutes), the air hostesses had precious little to do…which is why they invented the AirAsia competition!!!
Instaed of seat numbers (it was a first-come, first-served deal) our boarding passes had a “seq” number. Dont ask me what “seq” stands for. I haven’t got the foggiest…”Serious Ethical Quandry”? “Seat Ergonomically Quantified”?? “Stupid Englishman’s Questions???” The competiton was based on these numbers. I guess you could compare it to a game of Bingo. For those readers unfamilar with the game “Bingo”, a complete set of rules can be found at: http://www.us-bingo.com/bingo-rules.html For those readers unfamiliar with the campfire song “Bingo” a complete set of lyrics can be found at: http://www.scoutsongs.com/lyrics/bingo.html For those readers unfamilar with the Pornstar “Bingo”, a complete set of pictures can be found at: http://www.spiegel.de/img/0,1020,359346,00.jpg ……
So, the game. Instead of the traditional lots-of-balls-mixed-up-randomly-with-ugly-bloke-making-crap-puns method of picking a number, the masterminds at AirAsia had opted for the pretty-stewardess-picking-numbers-off-the-top-of-her-head-and-yes-I-do-mean-that-
metaphorically-rather-than-literally method. We sat, we waited, and some geezer in row 27 won a small AirAsia bag filled with goodies I can only dream of, probably couldn’t identify, and almost certainly dont need anyway. Then some lady in row 31, and so on & so on till all the goodie bags were gone.
Aha. But before I could put my headphones back on and let Stevie Wonder fill me with, er, Stevie..a final round was announced. An exclusive AirAsia pen had been located by the crew, and the fun was going to continue, even if the pilot’s checklist did have to be filled in with lipstick. And this time, no “seq” numbers were involved! The coveted prize would go to a passeenger based on merit! An actual “Question” would be asked….
“Where does AirAsia begin daily flights to on March 1st?”
I’ll forgive you for not immediately knowing the answer to that one. It is, in fact, Krabi. I’ll forgive you for not immediately knowing where Krabi is. It is, in fact, in Southern Thailand. This information was helpfully printed on the back of the card that explained how we would survive if the plane came down in water (yeah right), and how we would survive in the event of a herd of goats going on a kickboxing rampage against the left wing of the plane (could happen..).
My hand shot up in less time than it takes for you to have read this sentence. No, quicker than that. Quicker. Quic. Q. That fast. I was right near the front too!! They couldn’t have missed me…but they did!! In fact, they couldn’t decide on a winner and went & asked a whole other question!! A bloke in row 11 got that one. He came to the front to collect his pen. We all applauded. It should have been mine. I should be twiddling it between my fingers right now!!
Fortunately, I’ve just booked another AirAsia flight, to take me to Chiang Mai on Wednesday. I am gonna be so quick on the draw, I tell thee. That pen will be mine! [evil laughter] Wa ha ha ha ha. [End evil laughter]
The Dude