I am alive.
I am lucky.
That said, I am humbled and grateful.... I am relieved but I feel guilt..... I am almost emotionally devestated.
Can you believe that I am on an island in the southern part of Thailand that is only 400 kilometers away from the epicenter of the earthquake that hit off the coast of Sumatra? It just so happens that I am on the island of Koh Phangan, which just so happens to be on the EAST side of Thailand rather than the devestated west side of Thailand.
Can you believe that if it wasn't for a simply little thing like geography (the Thai/Mayla penninsula that took the brunt of the wave) this island would have suffered the same fate as that of Phuket, Koh Phi Phi, and Krabi?
Can you believe that if it weren't for a simply little thing called "timing" I would have actually been in Krabi and then Koh Phi Phi (the original plan was to travel to Krabi on the 26th to do some rock climbing and then be on Koh Phi Phi for New Years).
The island resort where I am staying here on Koh Phangan has no television, no public phone... it's isolated, with a beautiful sandy beach, palm tree jungles, coconuts, and butterflies. I first heard about the quake the afternoon of the 26th. Someone mentioned it in passing...... a 8.9 quake off the coast of Sumatra. I remember thinking, "Wow, I have never ever heard of a quake that big." It didn't really register. I didn't really know where Sumatra was. I remember checking a map, seeing the close proximity, and thinking, "Geez.... I'm surprised that we didn't feel it."
That evening, a British girl asked me if I had been getting a lot of phone calls. I asked "why?" and she began to explain the magnitude of the situation. The coast of Indonesia, Malyasia, Thailand, Sri Lanka, India.... all hit by this big tidal wave. For some reason, it still didn't register. She was very non chalant about the situation. Her mother kept calling telling her to escape to safety... to the middle of the island. She was rolling her eyes.... there really is no "middle of the island" here, it's all jungle. I remember laughing about it with her.
I also remember laughing about these two British guys that Pamela and I met on the train on the way down from Bangkok. This one guy had the worst luck. On his last trip to Thailand he went diving and got the bends, so he was explaining to us that on this trip he was simply planning on taking it easy so as not to encounter any hardships. Unfortunately, on their first attempt to take a bus from Bangkok to the port town of Surat Thani, their bus tipped over in the middle of the night. No major injuries, just a bit of bad luck. They even showed us pictures.... we laughed together. So, because they just wanted to "get away from it all" they were NOT going to the same fun party island that we were headed to, Koh Phangan.... instead, they were headed to the soft, quiet, sandy beaches of Koh Phi Phi.
Like I said, I remember laughing thinking.... oh those poor guys..... here they had another annoyance to deal with...... I bet their hotel was flooded or something. I really had no idea.
It's so out of place to feel uptight in this island resort environment.... sitting by the beach, drinking a beer, bonfire blazing. That night, we went to the infamous Full Moon Party on Koh Phangan. We had a fun evening, even though it wasn't nearly as crazy as it was expected to be. Where were all the people? They were all supposed to come here from all the nearby islands, Koh Samui, Phuket, Koh Phi Phi, etc.

It wasn't until the next day (the 27th) when Pam and I ventured into the village to e-mail and use the ATM machine, that I saw CNN. What I saw horrified me. There was no warning.... Koh Phi Phi was completely wiped out; the footage of the waves hitting Phuket made me sick to my stomach. Hundreds dead, then thousands, then tens of thousands..... and counting. UNICEF predicts a third of the dead are children, entire families have been wiped out, there will be almost an entire generation missing from southeast asia. What about the two wonderful Brits we met? Are they alive? What about Jeff, the awesome Canadian who we met here on Koh Phangan that was headed to Krabi? Did he make there? Is he still alive? Were they on the beach when, out of nowhere, a huge wave comes and washes everything away? Were they on the beach like I would have been if I were there?
What happened? Why did I get so lucky? It's extremely strange to be only 400 km from the quake yet totally uneffected by the damage. I feel guilty, I feel blessed. I feel sad and helpless..... and I feel scared (Mom and Dad want me to get out of here before disease spreads to this area). Most of all I am just freaking out.....
Ever since I saw CNN for the first time, I have been trying to emotionally distance myself from the situation. I am avoiding the news, trying to not think about it, pretending it didn't happen. I'll just go back to my beach, lay in my hammock, read my book, and hope that the massage lady comes by.