Troy Archie – Everybody Knows This is Nowhere

Well I spent a whole 2 days in Battambang, took a cooking course, sat around was going to see some sights but just instead holled myself up in my room and watched TV.  From there I high tailed it Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia, getting here on the 14th and am still here and will be here for a while.

In Phnom Pehn, again we have the usual extreme contrast of wealth and poverty, mixed in with a large dose of plenty of expats.  Also here we have a couple very stark and mallicious buildings and places that serve as a reminder of the madness of humanity.  One being the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum and the other is the Killing Fields of Choeung Ek, both of which were setup by the Khmer Rouge in 1975 to facilitate the genocide of the Cambodian people.  I won’t give a history lesson on these places and the Khmer Rouge but I’ll let you click on the links for you’re personal education on the subject at hand.  Tuol Sleng was a former school located in the heart of the city and was used as the interrogation facility for the KR.  While the Killing Fields were just that, killing fields and were located just south of town.  Both places were terrible and I mean that in the worst possible way.  I was fighting a bit of a cold when I went to both so it didn’t help blunt the shock of this place.  To walk into a room knowing full well that an untold number of people had died in there was sickening.  I forgot my camera for both of these places but if I had it with me I wouldn’t have used it.  I’m rather speachless of how bad it was, especially the killing fields.  I was walking along and noticed what appearred to be garbage and sticks poking out of the ground.  On further inspection I realized it was bones and clothing.  I was rather happy to leave both of these places, they were just awful.

So that’s what I’ve seen in Phnom Penh so far, something you definately need to see but something that stick with you.  As for other thoughts and such, when I was back at Angkor I was sitting for lunch with another guy I had met and an old Khmer fellow started talking to us.  He was old by Cambodian standards at 70, which is ancient here and was a tuk tuk driver and was one of the most interesting people I’ve met in a while.  We got talking to him asking him about the past, present and future of Cambodia.  I swear every answer he had was in riddle, it was great.  He was saying that back in 1970 he made a documentary about Angkor Wat with Unesco and in the early 90’s had been asked to submit a list of reccomendations for what the country to do to get back on track.  I can’t remember all the list but the first one was the most important and that was that the people had to believe, believe in not only their god but most importantly themselves.  We were hooked on this guy’s every word.  He also went on saying about there were people living around the temples of Angkor Wat but have never seen Angkor.  Around the temples there were people living, making out a living in little huts and shanties, selling this throughout the day at the temples and such.  Most of these people had lived in the shadows of the temples all their lives but have never really looked at them, they were just there and they really didn’t care.  They were more interested in the tourists and the money they could make not really appreciating that in fact Angkor was their’s and was something they should be proud of and working to protect and restore.  After he said all this I really noticed it more so with simple things like the moats around Angkor being converted into rice paddies and the people fishing in the canels around them.  I guess people gotta make a living though but it was kind of an odd sight.  I saw this lack of respect or appreciation or whatever you want to call it at the killing fields where a local had setup a hammock on a tree that was growing over one of the mass graves that had been dug up.  It was a pretty sad sight.  Nice to see their respect their dead.  I see people of things like this from the Khmer people but I thnk that probably after years of poverty, war and strife, making out a meger living is more important than anything else…

Also in Phnom I got my teeth cleaned.  She showed me how dirty they were, it was quite shocking actually.  No cavities though.  I also donated blood at a local blood bank.  That was sureal.  The blood bank and clinic were surrounded by a tall concrete wall with barb wire on the top and guards at the gate.  There was a line of sick people outside of it and it was a pretty stark scene.  Stark scenes, that’s Cambodia…When I went up to the gate I was quickly cut off and questioned as to what I wanted.  Their faces lit up when I told them to donate blood though.  When all was said and done they gave me a can of coke, which was the first can I had drank since I can remember and a bag full of food ranging from cookies, instant noodles, sugar and condensed milk.  They love their condensed milk here.  And sugar.  They put it in everything ranging from coffee to their shakes.  I always make a specific point as to making sure they don’t put both in my shakes and even stand by watching them.  When they put it in the shakes all you taste is sugar and milk.  They do have another little secret with their great shakes though that’s rather odd; raw egg whites.  Makes it nice and frothy…

My Home is a Rome…
There’s a saying here in Asia that goes “Same Same But Different.”  It’s on people’s shirts.  It’s the name of guesthouses and restaurants.  It’s on billboards and so on.  The meaning of the saying is pretty simple; when two things are similar but different.  For instance Shell gas stations and Esso gas stations.  They both sell gas but are different companies, therefore they’re both same same but different.  Same as Safeway and Sobey’s.  Both are grocery stores that sell food.  Same Same but different.  I’ve begun to realize that was the case with my travels, many of the places I go and see are same same but different.  Eventually things start to become a blur, a painting on a wall that you take no notice of, or a tunnel that you look straight into not seeing what’s going on around you.

I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid and I’m pretty dam sure I still have it to this day.  If I’m not challenged I bore quickly and lose interest.  I started travelling because I wanted a challenge, I wanted something new and that’s exactly what I got.  I was soon bored only after a couple weeks in Australia so I started wwoofing and I got a new challenge handed to me.  After a while that too became boring and I wanted a new challange so I flew to Sydney and got a job waiting tables.  Something new, something challenging but as usual it too became a bore and I looked for a new challange.  Asia I thought would be a good fun challange.  Sure enough it was but as time wears on it becomes less and less a challenge and becomes the everyday.  Travelling is my 9-5 job.  There’s only so many waterfalls, caves, museums and temples you can look at before you just don’t care anymore and there’s only so many tough routes you take to get to a place before it just becomes the norm.

Another great thing that I had been loving about travel and challenges in general is fear.  Fear and anxiety of the unknown.  Of not knowing what’s around the next corner and what to expect.  I felt it when I first left home way back when, experienced the rush when I started wwoofing, again when I landed in Sydney and when I flew into Bangkok.  It’s addictive and makes me feel alive.  I live for it.  I haven’t felt that fear for quite sometime now.  I also try to always get something as a person out of my travels in some way.

Here in Asia I’ve been having a tough time keeping active and fit.  In Oz I had no problem finding nice parks and isolated areas to workout in plus people just didn’t care.  Here on the other hand a green space with grass is such a rarity that I am quick to draw a crowd during a workout with numerous beggars drifting my way.  I could just not care and not workout but it’s something I love to do.  It makes me feel alive and good about myself.  I had felt that feeling my entire time in Sydney and when I left there in September I felt better than I had ever felt in my life.  Same when I was climbing in Thailand and also when I was biking around Laos.  I really enjoy living an active physical lifestyle.  I honestly don’t know how people can not exercise or be active.  I feel myself getting way out of shape and gaining weight.  My tendonitis has been acting up some days and my shoulder hurts some days, all this because I’m not working out.  All in all, physically I don’t feel well.  Going from being my strongest, fastest and in my best condition ever to feeling like I’m in my worse in years doesn’t help.  Couple this inactivity with the fact that their’s food everywhere and I’m a glutton and you get the picture.  I don’t care what anyone say’s, the Asian diet is not that healthy, in fact I’ll go as for as saying it’s unhealthy. 

I’ve been fighting with these thoughts and feelings for a while.  I was really thinking about buying a bike in Vietnam and cycling the country when I got there but the more I research it and see the bikes around here, it sounds like it would be a tough stretch to find a decent bike let alone gear.  Not to mention the Vietnamesse are notoriously clever, sly and pushy people looking to rip you off at any and every corner.  I know that sounds like a generlization but I hear it through and through from others.  All the people that I had travelled with and kept in touch with all sped through Vietnam faster than they had planned.

Back during Christmas I felt tired weary and to my dread board.  I was board, I looked ahead at my itinerary and the only thing that really spurred my interest was Angkor.  Well I’ve been there and spent a good amount of time there so now what?  Continue going on, going through the motions, taking the picture and more same same but different?

As one can see I’ve had a lot on my mind as of late and you’re probably wondering where am I going with all this?  Home, I guess.  I simply decided it was time.  I wasn’t amazed, enthralled or bedazzled by my surroundings as I once had been in fact many of the things I once was amazed with or found to be humerous were turning into being annouying more than anything.  Jumping on the back of some guys motorbike, speeding down the wrong side of the road, swerving between traffic, narrowly missing other cars and bikes all at 60kph just to get to someplace, isn’t that exciting anymore.  It’s just another day in the life of.   I’ve been dwelling and quarreling with myself on this subject for too long so I finally just decided to end it all and call it quits, all this over Indian food at a great restaurant (thanks for the recommendation again Kev&Tanya).  It all happened so suddenly too.  I was thinking that I’d spend a couple day’s in Phnom Penh, one day seeing the sights and then another getting my Vietnamesse visa and transportation to the border figured out and by in Ho Chi Min City by the weeks end.  From there I was stmped as what I wanted to do and see.  I figure that if I keep going like the way I was I won’t be really enjoying myself and fully getting all I could out of where I am and what I’m doing. 

Just like that huh?  Just like that…  All I had been doing a lot of the time was pissing around, drinking coffee and eating food, all things I could do at home plus I was becoming more and more eager and wanting to do everyday things like watch TV, cook a meal, go grocery shopping.  Borring stuff.  The last couple days after Angkor while I was in Battambang all I did was sit around and watch movies on satellite TV.

I don’t want to go home but here I am setting the wheels in motion.  I’m not homesick in anyway, I’m just sick of being homeless.  Living out of a bag for 14 months is hard.  I just don’t see me getting anything out of continuing on past this point.  I’ve experienced all I’ve wanted to experience, seen what I want to see and am content for a break from this life for a while untill the next go at it.  It’s on my blood now and there’s no way I’m going to be able to stay still.  I’d love to hit India on a bike…

I’m not really looking forward to going back to Edmonton, in fact I’m kind of dreading it.  Sydney would be much more fun or perhaps Vancouver but I know if I went there I’d be just spinning my wheels as it would be much harder to start up my next goals in those places.  I think about my next step, my next set of goals in life and it scares the shit out of me and I like it.  The thought of settling somewhere, looking for a job, upgrading my highschool and applying to University scares me to death.  It keeps me up at night and gives me a nice dose of the anxiety and fear of failure drives me.  New goals, challenges and opportunities are all that lay ahead.

I know a lot of people have major problems when they get back home from long term travel but pretty much all of them step right back into their old pattern, something I intend not to do.  Going back to Mascto or even drafting in general would kill me, I couldn’t do it.  I view going back there as taking a step back in life regardless of the fact I could make a pretty penny there.  I’ll take and expect to take a huge pay cut but money doesn’t matter.  I’ve seen how simple other people on this planet live.  All the way from a basic simple living in Australia to complete poverty here in Asia.  People do manage to live on just basic necessities, it strangely enough is possible .  I know nothing has changed back home and I expected just that.  I’ve changed though and I won’t be going back to the way things were.  It’ll be nice to see friends and family again but it’ll be nicer to be handed a new set of goals and challenges.  I do think one of the toughest things about going back home will be the culture shock.  I didn’t really experience much shock here in Asia or in Oz but I honestly think that after all I’ve seen and done that the culture of back home will shock me the most.  I actually have a bit of a tough time remembering what back home is like but I’m sure I’ll be quickly reminded.  It’ll be interesting to say the least.

So yeah, I’ll be flying from Phnom Penh, Cambodia on the 28th to Beijing where I’ll be meeting my mom, who’s coming to pick me up.  I’m such a big boy.  From there I think we’ll be landing back home on Feb the 3rd.  One day short of 15 months away.  As for now I’m held up in Phnom Penh doing my shopping that I’ve been holding off doing, picking up some odds and ends that I’ve had my eye on and will probably do a bit more in Beijing.  So far I’ve bought lots of knives.  Gonna get a suit made in Beijing along with some other clothes.  I feel like I’ve gone awol with all the stuff I’ve bought but then I realize it’s really not that much comparing with how long I’ve been gone for and what i could have been buying.

So that’s the plan and now that you know all my thoughts and plans I hope to have no one pester me with questions on why or questions as to why I’m “home already”.  The only other people that I have met that have been away from home as long as I have are people working abroad, usually teaching English or expats in general.  That said I know people will bother me with it and annouying questions.

Well that’s that.  I’ll probably put up one more update on here but after that this blog will become an archive but I’m sure I’ll be starting up a new one of my personal thoughts and keep my Crossfit blog going or start up a new one with more frills and gimicks.

Things I look forward to about home:
–No dust and air pollution
-Not having to see litter and garbage pilled everywhere
-Cooking
-Owning more than 3 pairs of clothes
-Not living out of a bag
-Not having to wash my underwear in the sink or shower
-Sleeping in the same comfortable bed for an extended period in my own room
-A clean bathroom
-Being clean.  I always feel dirty.  Sweat and dust is all I know
-Not talking about travelling.  Where I’ve been, what it was like, how long I was there for, where am I going next, how long have you been travelling, how much longer do you plan to go for…blah, all questions I don’t want to hear.
-Quiet/Silence – Asia is noisy.  Music going on everywhere, cars, dogs, roosters and people.  I was always under the impression Asians were soft spoken.  Not true.
-Not having to constantly say NO.  No is the single word I use most on a daily basis.  Beggards, drivers, sellers.  No No No No No No.  I was thinking about making a shirt to sell here that just had the word No on it.  I would probably make millions.  Every single foreigner would be skooping them up left and right.  Actually I’d probably sell like 10 of them and then every bloody local would be selling them from then on in.
-Working out and getting back into shape.  I’ll be honest, I think this is one of my biggest reasons to going back home.  Taking away something someone loves to do on a regular basis that’s part of their life is torture.  It’s like if someone took away your right to drink beer everyday or something blue collar like that…

So let the comments, complaints and whatever flood in. Cya Soon I guess
Troy

Tags: Cambodia

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 17th, 2007 at 5:27 am and is filed under Cambodia. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.