nilima en el mundo

So I said the entries were gonna get funny, and lighter rather than long psuedo-spiritual ramblings. Okay, that’s still the plan, but let this one slide cause I’m posting all these old entries I had on a different computer, but next time I write expect something more casual. 

A few fridays ago, we woke at 5:00 as usual, and five us went to teach English at another school. We nibbled at the heaping pile of greasy noodles and bits of scrambled eggs and I (this wa a mistake) decided instead to fill up on the dessert which was green tapioca balls in a white soupy pudding. If Dr. Jumsai hadn’t told one of his didactic stories about a king who was too proud to ask question and, after trying a dessert once, tried to reproduce it using frog’s eggs, I might have thought that’s what I was eating. Anyway. . . after lunch two bus loads of us drove to Bangkok – the event – -the all night singing for Mahasivarathri. This is a Hindu holiday that is in praise of the Lord Siva, the aspect of the Hindu Trinity that represents destruction (of bad qualities, for example, but more generally too.) Before I describe too much, I’ll just say that I really don’t know much about Hindu holidays, Gods etc, (though I like to think I understand many of the underlying principles,  not the stories, or rituals).That being said, in Hinduism there is one God, who takes, and may be worshiped in many forms – the devotion of the aspirant, not the chosen form is important. So, Brahma, Vishnu and Siva are the basic trinity –and represent creator, preserver and destroyer (again, they are not separate Gods, just aspects, since the human mind often cannot fully grasp God without categorization). Anyway, this God is formless, but can take human birth, when necessary to uplift mankind. The Vishnu aspect is considered to manifest in the Avatars of Krishna and Rama, for example. (If you read where I discussed trying to read the Ramayana, I said that I was left with a lot of confusion, but would like to know more. Krishna, for example is often written about in terms of the Gopikas’ love for him. In popular stories this is described as a sexual love, which I tend to think is man’s way to try to understand the strongest type of love. So, while much of the Hindu literature seems too confusing with lots of rituals, superstitions, etc, the heart of it, as written in the Vedas, Gita and, so I’m told, the Ramayana makes a lot of sense. When I read The Bhagavad Gita, a Walkthrough for Westerners, by Jack Hawley, I appreciated the distillation of the core values found in a seemingly mundane story of a warring family. Anyway, this is sort of tangential, but I wanted to give the background to my Sivarathri experiences, and basically dispel the belief that Hindu rituals are about praying to rocks in the shape of Gods, they’re not, God cannot be confined to a statue. So, we celebrate Sivarathri by singing Bhajans for twelve hours, all through the night. I’ve never stayed up the whole night before, but if you do it’s supposed to be very beneficial, something to do with the moon. Like I said, this might seem supertitious, but try staying up for twelve hours singing, and see how you feel, I believe any “boons” are not magical gifts but rather the natural result of putting in the effort to cleanse the mind. I felt great! 

      Okay, so we arrived at this family’s house, and about 60 people came in. Yamini played Indian violin, there were 3 harmoniums (like a seated accordion but less annoying), dolaks, tables and lots of enthusiastic clapping. So, normally staying up til 6:00, when Im used to going to bed at 12:00 is not that hard (well, I never do, but it sounds easy enough) but we’re used to going to bed at 9:00. . .At first I thought it would be more “real” if I didn’t use caffeine, but quickly hit up the black tea, and was so glad I did. When I stared to get drowsy I’d get up and stretch, walk a bit or have a small bit of tea (a jot you could say, Dad, if you were putting on a British accent). Mostly though, clapping and singing kept me awake. I decided to give myself over to the music, not look at the clock too much. I led a terrible, off-key bhajan (bhajans have a leader and then everyone else follows, they can be in any language, in praise of any form of god, though for this night siva is preferred) (Namah Parvatee) and wanted to crawl into the other room and hide. I was so embarrassed – mostly my ego was hurt – it’s not just that I couldn’t sing, but felt it represented by authenticity or devotion (I guess, being white, I feel the need to prove myself amongst Indians – though most of these people were Thai). Anyway, a few hours later my embarrassment dissolved like the smoke from the incense (actually I’m not sure there was that much incence there, but nice, if cheesey image). Though I swore I’d never sing again Yamini and I led Sai Humara and as our voices melded, and Lorraine stopped playing her harmonium and closed her eyes, singing and clapping along, I felt much better with Yamini helping to carry it. By 5:20 am I was starting to lose it, I put my head down and drifted probably for about twenty minutes, but by this time a portly tabla player was rocking out on his drums and just watching his hands blur in the air, each acting separately but creating a beautiful unified rhythm kept my attention. I

This night came at a pretty stressful time – I was trying to decide whether to go to India directly or come home first, among other things, and that decision represented all sorts of other decisions and ramifications. I’d thought about each one until I felt claustrophobic in my own mind. All that night I tried to disallow rational thought and just relax and get into the music. I didn’t look for answers, I just enjoyed the moment. On Monday I decided to come home and it was as if a huge burden I didn’t know I was carrying was lifted, I felt so great, light and free, so RIGHT. Anyway, the bhajans just flew by, it was 9:00, then 12:00, then 4:00, almost done, don’t end, yayh I almost made it, okay time for some tea (or aloo paratha (stuffed layered bread) and dhal (Indian lentils) yummm). 

THe only time I felt impatient was when everything was done at 6:00 am — food was distributed, and Juan, our photo nut ( I mean very talented enthusiast)  from Peru wanted pictures. So, I wasn’t feeling particularly photogenic, and just wanted to get on the bus and sleep, and here he is fiddling with all these digital settings. Somehow he had some video setting and the Thai woman who was to take our picture couldn’t get it right, or there was some funny animation in the viewfinder, cause she just kept swinging around the camera trying to focus and laugh, the more she swung the camera, the more my head swam and I just wanted to get on the bus so I could sleep.

Nilima’s thoughts –“Just take the damn picture!  Oops, sorry Siva, I meant, ‘I am glad to have learned so much patience, thanks for testing that Juan.”
 

I wont attempt to verbalize the experience more, the energy though carried me for days, and I don’t mean “energy” in a new age sort of auras and light sense (though that’s probably true too), I just mean I had a lot of physical and mental energy.

Tags: Thailand, Travel

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 7th, 2007 at 6:00 am and is filed under Thailand, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.