noodle quest 2006

the idea of entitling this entry “last thoughts” or “final thoughts” or something of that nature feels wrong.  the reason for this is because i don’t want to think or actually do think of this journey as somehow seperate from the rest of my life.  it’s not like, as many may think, okay i’ve done this trip and now i will start my post-grad life.  this is my post-grad life.  i have learned so many things in this part of the world that are really shaping my thoughts and plans for the future.  some of these things are that i know i will always travel.  i don’t want to live a sedentary life where i occasionally get up and go places for a few weeks at a time.  not only is that “not enough” for me but it is not how i envision my future.  somethings that have been so amazing about this trip is the feeling that i am carrying everything i need.  i realized as i threw things away and gave thinsg away at every stop that i can survive happily with literally the clothes i am wearing.  another thing that was truly amazing about this trip was that i had the freedom and opportunity to go anywhere- the next move was never assumed or pre-destined.  sure we had ideas of things we would like to see but if one day we woke up in hoi an, vietnam and decided we had to go to siem reap, cambodia the next morning, it could be done.  the feeling of liberation and peace that this awarded me is something i will not let go of or sacrficie for other comforts like stability or permanace.  i know in my life i might like to have a family and a home and i am not trying to rule these things out, but i know now that what is truly important to me is to always enjoy and be at peace with the present. 

so many of the people i have met, especially dan, have shown me that you can not take things for granted, even the future.  i want to be able to plan for my future by always having some spare money, somehwere i can live, people to take care of me if i am sick, but i never want to sacrficice the now for tomorrow.  it is not what i see for myself.  being with dan these past few months has been a really interesting manifestation of these things.  i always knew i would be leaving and knowing that i would like to come back but not knowing when.  this truly allowed me to release expectation and critiscm and just accept and enjoy.  i can not explain the peace and tranquility that this has brought to my life.  i never realized how much time i spent thinking about what i was going to do next or being so un-present.  another thing i have cemented on this trip is learning that i want to be a healer in some facet.  studying thai massage and working with the body in such a physical and spiritual way really feels like the perfect compliment to my being.  i know i want to help people in my life- clearly that is my “career” destiny.  however i have never thought of something, praticed something that feels so very supportive of my personality, mindset and desires.  additionally, this is a career path that can be translatable globally and will always allow me movement and freedom. i’m not sure what healing path specifically i am interested in following but i feel excited rather than overwhelmed about the prospects of finding out. i have met so many travelers in my time in south east asia that live there lives practicing a trade they feel compelled by as they travel and move and sometimes stay in one place. i know that it is possible and that i can have this life if i choose it.

in my desire to travel and move i don’t want to convey that i am in anyway rejecting my family, friends, or home.  i just don’t want to view new york in any manner as “my final resting place” or anything on that scale, not neccesraily that dramatic.  the reason is because i don’t want to feel that that is my destiny or that that space, even though that is where i was raised, somehow has more holding power than any other space i might feel compelled to live and work and enjoy.  i really want to live peacefully as i think that is the greatest gift i can give to myself and to the world.  to do that i believe that i need to be fully present at all times and honest and aware of how i am feeling.  when i am not feeling that way, i really want to honor myself by adjusting my actions or my space- this is my dream for my life right now.

it has truly been an amazing experience these past 6 months.  sometimes i tihnk about things tida and i did together and things i did alone, flying down pnom penh streets on a motorcycle, riding a boat in a thunderstorm, working at a small bar on a thai island, going to a lao wedding, walking the streets of small towns and taking photographs, waking up and letting the day unfold organically.  i also think about the amazing people i have met, the italians from koh mak, linh in vietnam, all of the mindblowing and psychotic cambodians, the french guys from sihanoukville, mey ling and her family, tia in luang prabang, the wonderful and amazing friends from my massage school and of course dan.  i feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to have had all these experiences and the peace of mind to be open to receiving them. 

my next new destination will surely be india as i have felt really compeled by the ideas of that space and people i have met from and that have traveled to this space.  i think india also has amazing pockets of healing communities where i could learn a lot.  but that may not be for a while.  of course there will always be the issue of money- sad but true. i very much hope that i can find a way to make money that honors myself and my values that brings me joy.  i think i would really like to work at a healthcenter or yoga studio where i could work and also study and learn about the things that are happening around me. 

i want to end this noodlequest entry by giving thanks to those that have been involved in this trip through reading my blog and sending me letters of support.  knowing that i had readers compelled me to write, record and reflect on my experiences.  so much has happened and i am so thankful to have photographs and a written account of many of my experiences.  in addition to everyone who has been reading the blog, i want to thank very much everyone who has posted on the blog.  it has been so funny and heart warming ot hear your resopnses to the sometimes silly and sometimes serious things that i have been experiencing.  i also very much want to thank all of the people who have written me personal e-mails.  my posting on the blog has allowed everyone to see my life but i did not have access to a written account of everyone elses.  thank you so much for keeping me updated- it really made me feel like i was still part of things that were happening at home which was priceless in making me feel comfortable continuing on my journey.  thank you so much gwen maffia and joe maffia for allowing jess to be my travel partner.  this amazingness of this trip had so much to do with sharing it with her.  jess i love you like a sister and want to thak you for your endless support, laughs, love, mind, etc.  this was an amazing adventure for us to have had together and i can’t wait for the next one. you were truly wonderful to be with for the past 6 months.  thank you laur for your silly posts and great e-mails. i know when i come home and move into your room it will be as if no time has passed. jo- you win the best correspondent award.　the consistency of your e-mail, posts and updates has been truly wonderful.  elyse, your love and support throughout the entirety of this trip has been immeasurable appreciated.  i always felt that you trusted i was doing the right thing by myself and were so excited for me to be doing what i was doing.  i am so thrilled to come home and support you in your next big adventure- your wedding. mom and dad thank you for actually taking me to the airport.  sometimes it really didn’t feel like you would un-barricade the door and alllow me to leave.  i know it must have been really hard never knowing exactly where i was, what i was doing and who i was with.  the respect that you showed me really allows me to know that you trust me and believe in me and my decision making.  your endless letters of love, concern and funny stories from home made me feel so cared for and missed. i thought of you all the time and sent you love and well wishes from this side of the globe all the time.

i can’t wait to see all of you tomorrow!  wow… tomorrow.

 love,

 mariss