I suddenly realised that October is not so very far away, and that if I’m really going to go on my Great Big Adventure, I need to start putting concrete plans together post haste. So, about a week and a half ago, I sat down and started making a chart of dates and plans, researching planes, trains and automobiles, literally. I put together a rough (and sometimes not-so-rough) itinerary for the whole month-and-a-half that I plan to be away, and got myself enormously excited in the process. Because October is not so very far away.
Before I can actually book anything, however, I get an e-mail from a friend of mine. We work in the same position in the same industry, and so we forward each other any job postings we come across. This posting was for a gig that, if I got it, would pay me to travel around Canada. The whole of Canada.
When I first read it, I looked at the dates and blew it off. It was right on top of my planned trip. I need this vacation, and I’ve been looking forward to my adventure for months. And here I am, on the point of booking it… I sent my friend back a very waffling, indecisive e-mail, then put everything aside for the night and went to sleep. But in the morning, the prospect of this job was still there, niggling like a worm in the back of my brain.
The whole of Canada.
I’ve seen vast swathes of Europe, but very little of Canada, my own country, a country I love and of which I am very proud. There are other details about the job (which I won’t go into until I finally hear one way or the other) which are also very exciting. And so, everything is on hold. And I’m torturing myself, looking at the airline seat sales, ($450 for a flight to London, taxes included), looking at the prices of EasyJet tickets, of train tickets, of car rentals creeping ever upwards, watching the number of available places on the tour I want to take dwindle… but I’m holding out, just one more day, just one more day, to see if I hear from these people.
It’s a gamble, and I’m agonising over it. And, really, all I’ve done is send in my resume. Even if they do call me, it’ll be time before there’s an interview, then more time before I’m offered the job, or not. And if I don’t get it, what if the sales are gone, the places on the tour are gone…? And I know so little about the job, really; I have so many questions. What if I wait, and finally get to ask the questions, and it turns out that the job sucks and I don’t take it after all? These are the questions that are keeping me awake at night.
I should just lump it all, book my flights, take my vacation. Because if I don’t, it’ll be at least another full year before I have the time to try again. And if it were any other job, I think I would do exactly that. Because, you can’t just plan the adventures. Eventually you have to take them.
Except that the last time I gambled like this, it turned into the most amazing experience of my life, and a part of me is hoping that lightening might strike twice…
I think I’ll have to put a deadline on this, just to maintain my sanity. So… Saturday. I’ll be in Toronto this weekend, there’s a Flight Centre nearby. If I haven’t heard from them in any way by Saturday, I’m going to start booking travel plans.
I’ll keep you posted…
kithika