I’ve managed to wangle myself a week off between contracts – almost unheard of – and what did I end up doing with it? Travelling the length and breadth of the 401, as it turns out. Between moving my stuff and visiting with friends I covered a 244km stretch of it multiple times. (Note, this doesn’t include the many, many kilometres driven on smaller highways and county roads. It’s been a long week.) I was out near Picton in Prince Edward County, and I was hoping to be able to wedge in another mini-adventure, but the main purpose of the trip was spending time with friends, and we just never found the time. Out of curiosity, though, because I have spent so many hours driving on it this week, I looked up the 401 itself on Wikipedia and was actually quite surprised by the results.
First of all, you might be thinking, what kind of geek writes about a highway? I know. Bear with me.
The 401 (pronounced “four-oh-one”), actually called The King’s Highway 401, or the MacDonald-Cartier freeway, is the longest of the 400-series highways in Ontario, stretching 815 kilometres (506 miles) from Windsor to the Quebec border, where it turns into Quebec Autoroute 20 and runs all the way to Quebec City. Apparently, half the population of Canada lives in the Windsor-Quebec City corridor, which may go some ways to explaining why this is one of the busiest highways in the world.
Also, says Wikipedia, “the segment of Highway 401 passing through Toronto has the distinction of being North America’s busiest freeway.” I shouldn’t be surprised, given the appalling percentage of my life that has been spent stuck in traffic on this particular segment of highway, and yet… “North America’s busiest freeway.” That’s saying a hell of a lot. Busier than the highways around New York? L.A.? Mexico City? I checked the citation, which took me to The King’s Highway, a website all about Ontario highways (you remember when I asked you to bear with me? I’ve got nothing on this guy). According to this site, “One section of Highway 401 in Toronto between Weston Road and Highway 400 now carries over 420,000 vehicles on an average day, giving Highway 401 the distinction of being North America’s busiest highway.” There is no citation for the numbers or the conclusion here, and I find I don’t care quite enough to do the research to prove or disprove it. Maybe the answer lies in some technical definition of highway vs. freeway vs. toll road? I don’t know.
Moving on.
The stretch of the 401 between Toronto and Waterloo is my own personal purgatory (I’ve travelled it three times this week already), so it was particularly refreshing to head East from Toronto on Thursday morning on the way to Prince Edward County. A couple of friends and I make this drive two or three times a year, and one of our favourite in-car games is simply reading the Ontario tourism signs aloud as we pass them. These are simple blue road signs, with a list of the tourist attractions at the upcoming exit, and I can see that it might not seem like they would be all that entertaining. Trust me. Southern Ontario has some random and bizarre attractions. And a few that just have funny names. And, having gotten up very early to start the road trip, sometimes that’s all it takes.
One day, I am determined, when we’re not expected at our destination until evening, we’re going to set out really early in the morning and hit every single one of these places, just to see what they’re like. For all my mocking their names, I’m sure they’re wonderful. For the moment, though, in amongst the farmer’s markets and theatres and golf courses, you can find:
Pingle’s Fun Farm. This, it turns out, is actually just Pingle’s Farm Market. And if that’s what the sign had said, it may have earned a giggle for the name ‘Pingle,’ and that would have been the end of it. Something about the name “Pingle’s Fun Farm” is vaguely creepy somehow. It makes me think of funhouse mirrors or Peewee Herman or something. Or else the complete opposite, something in aggressive pastels or primary colours with overly perky staff and aimed at toddlers. Neb’s Fun World, which is some kind of indoor amusement centre with bowling and go-karts and stuff, was another one that got the same reaction. It’s something about putting ‘fun’ in the title; it comes off as either ‘you will have fun, or else,’ or ‘come heeeeeeere little girl, I’ve got something fun for yoooooooou….’
Jungle Cat World Zoo. Near Orono, Ontario. Now, I’ve never been to Orono, Ontario, but I can guarantee you there are no jungles there. At least, no naturally occurring ones. It’s just not an attraction you expect to see in Southern Ontario.
Canadian Canoe Museum. The ‘Canadian’ on the front there is completely redundant. There is nothing more Canadian than a canoe museum.
Welcome Produce Market U-Pick. Now I’m sure that the name of the place is ‘Welcome Produce Market,’ and I know that U-Pick is the contraction they use on the signs for a farm that allows you to pick your own fruits or berries or whatever. The combination, however, sounds like something badly translated from a Japanese technical manual.
And last, but not least, the Cobourg Jail Attraction. ‘Nuff said.
In the ‘distinctive names’ category, we get Bowmanville Zoological Park (why not just Bowmanville Zoo?), Archibald Orchards Winery (excellent name), Freskiw Farms (I love the spelling) and Cobbledick Rd. (which is a road, not an attraction, but still has a great name).
And, as I said, one day I will go to all these places (so please don’t get mad at me, Pingle’s Fun Farm people, for making fun of your name). In the meantime, they have kept a tired driver entertained, so that’s not a terrible thing.
[And, speaking of keeping a tired driver entertained, my favourite sign of the whole trip was one outside a store in Picton that read:
Worm
SlushieClearly it was supposed to read “Worms / Slushies” but the ‘slushie’ had used up all the ‘S’s in the package. It’s much funnier this way.]
And so, my week on the 401 is coming to an end. There was another, tentative, trip to Stratford planned for the weekend, but I think I might scrap that in favour of a walk around the city. For once in my life, I’ve had my fill of road trips.
kithika