Backpacking Trip 2010

For those of you who don´t know: playa=beach, mono=monkey, and self-relflection, well, that´s for you to decide what it means! 🙂 I say “playas” because I´ve been surrounded by gorgeous, dazzling beaches for almost three weeks now, and I´m leaving the current beach, Playa Venao, tomorrow to head to yet another beach, on the islands of San Blas. I say “monos” because in addition to being surrounded by beaches, I´ve also been surrounded by monkeys! We´ve seen white-faced capuchin monkeys, howler monkeys, and monkeys whose names I can´t pronounce! I wanted to see the beach and I wanted to see monkeys, and, well, I have! It hasn´t gotten old, either! I just get more and more delighted! And that is what my life will be every day forward: full of delight and intoxication and thrill! I have determined that September will be a month of optimism. Rather, continued optimism. I have gone to sleep every night excited to see what life will bring me and I wake up knowing that whatever it is, I can do it.

All in all, my life is harmonious! I couldn´t ask for a more marvelous life than the one I have, and it´s only going to keep getting better from here! There is so much alone time to reflect, I’ve had an abundance of time to myself. I used to ask myself, in doubt, “Is it possible to be this happy?” and I know now that it IS possible! Any thing and every thing is possible in life. And it’s all in how you view life! Life is going to keep going no matter how you feel about it; life doesn’t take what you do or how you feel about it personally and it’s a good idea not to take life too personally, either. I used to tell my myself that I couldn´t have something, or do something, or want something, or be something, or go somewhere; I thought it was for everyone else to have and live their dreams, that it just wasn´t for me. I talked myself out of even having dreams for such a long time. “Why have dreams?” I thought. Dreams were just something for other people, but not for me. And it wasn´t that I didn´t have dreams, I did, but I just didnt think it was possible for me to live those dreams for various reasons, fear, this seemingly unshakable inferiority complex I was harboring, whatever. I took a huge leap of self-faith and I have found myself to be capable. And the irony, is that I have proved to be capable with each and every task I had set for myself and I didn´t even realize it. But, when I took that huge leap of faith in myself and I faced my fears (the fears I had about life, about the unknown, about myself, about failing, about succeeding), I was kind of left out there to figure things out on my own. What you find, what I´ve found, is the truth. I have found awareness; awareness in what was there all along, awareness of who I am, awareness of the path I have built, awareness that the path that I am building by the choices  I´ve made truly would have no direction if it wasn´t for ME. You can literally mould your life to go into whatever direction you want it to, feeling any way you want to about it. When you realize those things, you conquer your fears.  And when you strip down all of the fears, all that is left is the truth, what you have been so afraid of seeing all this time; all that is left is YOU, laid bare. And you realize who you are, what you can do, where you can go, you truly realize you have the whole world in your hands, because you do! I say “you” but I mean ME (and you, it can be for you, too!)! And once the fears were exorcised, all of the doubt in myself and in my dreams melted away, too. I can be free. I am free of the dependency I had with my fears AND my successes. One of my newer theories is this. I think there are two roots to all of the bazillions of emotions out there: fear and love. All of the horrible feelings to be felt all come from the root of fear and all of the incredibly terrific feelings to be felt generate from the root of love. Just think about it. Once I got to a place that I recognized fear had no place in my life anymore, I discovered I am free to feel however joyful and blissful and to feel however I want to feel. I feel like, no matter what situation comes my way, as long as I don’t let the fear take over and not be afraid of what could happen and instead trust myself and my capabilities and look at these situations as more opportunities to grow and more lessons to be learned and be grateful for them and be grateful just for a new day of existence, and greet these opportunities with a never ceasing smile on my face, I truly can be free. I can be. With all of this time on my hands, I realized that that is all we have in life, that is our life: time. And we can choose to fill up that time however way we choose, carrying however attitude we choose to carry. We can all choose. Always. We are always free if we just see that we can choose and we can be free when the fear is seen for what it is and we can be aware of who we truly are underneath all of that fear. I just say all of this out of my personal experience. All of this, what I’ve said, is what I have personally experienced and am experiencing. And happiness is best when it is shared. I’m not trying to lecture, preach or anything else, just share. 🙂

I wanted a trip. I wanted a change, a change in my life and a change in myself. And I have found it. I feel liberated! I am twenty-six and my life feels like it has just begun! In a way, it has. I am bursting at the seams to find out  where I will take this journey to next!

So, tomorrow will bring another travel day! I am going to San Blas, for beach, beach and more beach! Ah, such is the good life! But first, an overnight trip back to Panama City where I’ll then catch my jeep to San Blas! It has been wonderous being in the middle of nowhere, but it sure is exciting to go back to the city!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 7th, 2010 at 1:21 pm and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.