Going where I’ve never been

I haven’t written nearly enough about food. Sure, I’ve mentioned plenty of meals and commented on the ‘amazing dinner’ more than a few times, but the food here deserves a dedicated post (or 20). After five months, I still get excited about each and every meal, and still marvel at the ridiculously low costs. I’ve completely adjusted to living without a refrigerator and going out anytime that I want to eat, and purchasing nearly every morsel from a cart on the street doesn’t feel strange at all. For those of you who are interested (cough*blair*cough), here is  a rundown of a few of my favorite delicacies:

*khao neeo ping sai puak – This is the sticky rice confection that I eat for breakfast. No exceptions. It’s made by cooking sticky rice in coconut milk then spreading it onto a banana leaf. Then a ball of soft taro (similar to a potato, but is sweeter and has a purple color) is mixed with palm sugar and placed into the center of the rice. The whole thing is then wrapped up, secured with tiny shards of bamboo and grilled over a makeshift barbeque. Other versions put pieces of banana inside, and still others fill them with sugared black bean paste – you can tell which is which by the style of banana leaf folding. These cost 12 cents apiece and are highly, highly addictive.

* Som Tom – This is the quintessential Thai dish, a salad that is served with nearly every meal, especially in the north. There are variations, but the general preparation involves mixing shredded green papaya, tomatoes, long beans, garlic cloves, dried shrimp, lime juice, palm sugar, fish sauce, carrot shreds, chiles and crushed peanuts into a big wooden mortar and then pounding it together with a pestle. It’s eaten with cabbage (used as a chaser for the spice) and, always, sticky rice. It’s unbelievably fresh and incredibly spicy, though that part can be adjusted. They always ask how many chiles you want and often have you taste it along the way to make sure it’s to your liking. A big bag of this (easily for two people) costs about 80 cents.

* This one I cannot, for the life of me, grasp the name of, but the ladies at the corner  know to make it if I show up at their cart! Gabe can be credited with discovering this dish after he used a little trick call ‘alikerdie’ – the Thai word for “whatever.” It’s useful when you don’t know what someone makes but want to find out firsthand! It’s pretty simple, but amazing – they put big chunks of pork, some sort of bell pepper, whole chiles and huge basil leaves into the wok and quickly fry it with lots of oyster sauce and some other unknown spices in mysterious bottles. It’s scooped onto a pile of rice then topped with a runny fried egg; you then season it with the appropriate amount of fish sauce and sugar and take that first blissful bite while the cooks giggle at the farang’s surprising spice tolerance! (80 cents)

*Roti Gluay – This enters heart attack territory, but with one bite you don’t care.  After finding a guy with a shallow wok and a pile of eggs on a push cart, you smile at him and he gets to work. First comes the oil on the wok, then an impossibly thin but very wide circle of coconut milk batter is poured on top. An egg is cracked on top of that, it’s all spread around and then left to fry for a moment. Next he peels a banana and cuts it up into the center of the batter, following with a sprinkling of sugar. The sides of the batter circle are now firm enough to fold over the banana chunks so that it forms a nice neat square. He lifts it up with his spatula, throws a bit of lard on the wok and fries the thing just a moment longer. He then cuts it into small squares, lifts them all together onto a piece of wax paper, douses the top with sweet condensed milk, sprinkles on more sugar (!!), sticks a wooden eating spear into the center and hands it to you in exchange for 70 cents. Incredible.

*Fruit vendors – Probably the coolest thing about Thailand. These guys walk around with a push cart made up of 3 or four glass cases. Each one is filled with ice and stacked with fresh fruit, all peeled, de-seeded and ready to go. The standard selection is half a pineapple, hefty chunks of watermelon and papaya, and entire guavas, rose apples and pomelos. You choose your fruit (I’m hooked on the pineapple – it’s otherwordly here) and he places it into a small plastic bag. He then takes his huge cleaver and with a few swift whacks (THROUGH the bag, mind you!) your fruit is cut into perfect snack sized bites. The standard wooden spear is stuck into the fruit, you are given a bag of condiment (a mixture of sugar, salt and chile for pineapple, similar variations for the others) and it is handed to you in exchange for 30 cents. This is seriously some of the freshest fruit I’ve ever had, and it comes with a show and ready-to-eat convenience for next to nothing! Perhaps this is the secret to promoting healthy eating?

*While I’m on the topic of fruit, I should mention the smoothies. You can always find someone who will blend together a huge cup of whatever fruit you wish along with some ice and, if you want, a bit of sweet condensed milk. This never costs more than 50 cents on the street (something that would easily cost upwards of $4 anywhere in the states).

*Laab Gai – This is actually the national dish in Laos (I can’t wait!) but is found all over Thailand as well. It’s a spicy salad (salad has nothing to do with lettuce here) made with minced chicken (that’s the ‘gai’ part…it is also made with pork and seafood), green onion, mint leaves, fish sauce, lime juice, ground chiles, lemongrass and ground roasted rice. It’s super fresh, spicier than you’d ever expect, and always eaten with sticky rice! It’s rarely found on the street here (more popular in the north) but I’ve found it at several restaurants for no more than a dollar.

*Thais like to put corn, kidney beans and sweetened sticky rice into their icecream. It’s delicious.

*Oh, the things these people grill on the side of the road! There are Thai sausages, which are generally muu (pork) or pla (fish) with khao (rice) and hidden prik (chiles) used as fillers. They’re never greasy and are always served with extra whole chiles and cabbage/ginger to fight the burn. There are the skewer carts with all sorts of crazy things stacked onto wooden spears – fish balls, pork balls, hot dogs, tofu, bacon wrapped things and many, many variations on these. They are quickly grilled and served with delicious spicy sauce, which makes them all taste the same – like spicy sauce! There are guys that do nothing but skewers of roasted squid – I love it.  There are grilled, roasted and fried chicken legs on every corner (a necessary companion to som tom and sticky rice) and baskets of grilled prawns the size of my hand go for about $2. Skewers of liver are also popular, as Gabe found out the hard way, as are dry-roasted whole fish stuffed with herbs and garlic. These are actually great, but unfortunately I’ve seen the condition of the river in Bangkok and I just can’t do it here… Needless to say, the Thais do not understand vegetarianism.

*Corn – it’s just basic corn on the cob, but it’s hot, buttery and costs about 30 cents for two of them. They even cut it off the cob for you and stick in a small spoon for ease of walk-eating!

It isn’t all great, of course.  There is the aforementioned liver, many curries and ‘point’ places use innards (just look carefully before you point!), a lady downstairs does bullfrogs and I’ve seen more than a few dessert vendors that have trays of fried grasshoppers and roaches mixed among the coconut-y treats! I’ve heard rumors of rat, but I have a feeling that those sorts of things will get much more prevalent in northern Thailand (not to mention Cambodia!!). Overall, however, food is one of the most wonderful things about this place, and will absolutely be the most missed aspect of my experience here. I’m not quite sure how I’ll adjust initially once I’m back home…

I plan to get better about taking photos of these foods, as I know that I’ll want them and I figure that some of you would like to see what I’m talking about.  I’ve got a LOT more to add to this, but it’ll have to wait a day or two – right now I need dinner!

There is a giant cloud outside that looks like it may spawn 10 or 12 tornadoes (see photos), so I decided to spend some time commenting on a few random topics instead of heading out for dinner.

First of all, spicy food. It’s no secret that Thai food is HOT. Aside from rice and possibly fish sauce, chiles are the most commonly found ingredient in pretty much any sort of food. Even the fresh fruit vendors package up your pineapple or guava or papaya or bananas with a bag of sugar mixed with crushed chiles – there is no escaping it!

No escaping it, unless you happen to be foreign. If you are foreign, Thai people will be terrified to serve you spicy food, issuing warning upon warning if something that you order has any sort of flavor to it. They will then go prepare it without said flavor, pleasing many westerners out there but certainly not pleasing me!

There is quite a bit of Thai food that is prepared relatively spice free, as the consumer is expected to add their own mix of spices from the standard selection on the table: sugar, crushed red pepper, fish sauce and chopped chiles. However, there are also many foods that are hot to begin with, such as any sort of curry and, my favorite, Pad Kaprow Gai (chicken stir-fried with fresh basil and many chopped chiles).

Any time that I tried to order such a dish, the cook would suddenly look very nervous, saying “hot!” or simply “phet,” which is the Thai word for spicy. I would nod, encourage them, try to convince them that it’s okay, I really CAN handle it! They would reluctantly give in and then examine me as I ate, curious as to whether my head would explode.

I probably received the most warnings at school. Around Teacher Appreciation Day, there was free lunch for all of the teachers, delicious self-serve things in pots, prepared by fellow teachers. I went downstairs and was excited to see a giant pot full of hot red curry, one of my favorites! I started to ladle it onto my plate of rice, only to be interrupted by another teacher jumping in to save the day! “Oh no, spicy! You don’t want! Bamboo soup there!” she excitedly informed me, pointing to a boring-looking pot of broth. I smiled and shook my head, pointing at the curry saying “good!” She looked concerned, but let me be.

During the course of eating that wonderful curry, I had THREE different teachers pass by and tell me “Spicy! You don’t like, bamboo soup!” Keep in mind that I was already halfway through my meal and was well-aware of its temperature…I had to wonder if the bamboo soup was included strictly because of the farang teachers!

Anyways, I took that experience as my cue to learn a VERY important phrase: Di-chan chaep phet!” which means “I like spicy food.” It has been magic, and although most Thais will give me a doubtful, worried look when I say that, at least they cook my food correctly and let me eat in peace!

The issues at school are no more – I’ve established myself as a chile-eating farang who can actually handle it! The food stands that I frequent know what I like and start to make my plate before I can even say anything, giving me a knowing smile and saying “Ajarn, phet!” The lady who grills Thai sausage down on the street below my room now knows to add the bag of chiles when she packages my meal, the pad thai girls no longer leave out the spice and the fruit guy knows that I want the condiments with my fruit. All in all, I feel pretty proud of myself – it’s not every day that Thais will put chiles into a blonde girl’s food!

While I’m on the topic of food (one of my favorites), I’ll go ahead and mention a few more incredible recent discoveries! First and foremost, the icecream that is sold on the street. Most Thais are lactose-intolerent and the icecream is (hand)made with coconut milk in lieu of cream. There is usually some sort of nut mixed in, pistachios or cashews, then it is scooped not into a cone or into a bowl, but into a hotdog bun (which is first filled with chopped fresh coconut)! A bit of sweetened condensed milk is poured on top and then, for 10 baht, you have an amazing, not-too-heavy icecream sandwich to enjoy!

A lighter but equally delicious dessert involves a bowl full of crushed ice, chopped fruit, coconut milk and sugar syrup. I’m in love with this concoction, though there are a few strange things that Thais use as toppings for both this and for icecream… corn and kidney beans! Yes, both of these things are used as a dessert ingredient, specifically for iced desserts. I’ve yet to try either one, but the day will come…I’ll make sure to report on it when it does!

Next there is the fresh-squeezed juice. On every corner you can find a vendor squeezing oranges, pineapples and whatever else they happen to have straight into plastic bottles, which are then capped and sold for a mere 10 baht apiece. Refreshing!

I can’t forget the Khao Tom Gloo-ay, which are pieces of banana hidden in a big ball of sticky rice then wrapped in a banana leaf and grilled. There is a woman who sells these right at the gate to our school for 5 baht apiece…every day I would want to try one, but could never wait that long to eat breakfast. I finally held off a few days ago and bought a couple of freshly grilled treats for my morning meal – I am now forever changed! Those things are like crack, I can’t imagine NOT having them for breakfast now!

There is another specialty downstairs that I’m trying not to make a habit of consuming – fresh donuts! Basically there’s a woman with a big wok full of oil, throwing in balls of sugary dough then scooping them right out and into a pile next to the wok. You walk up, fill up a plastic bag with however many you want and grab a plastic bag of chilled milk. You then dip the doughnuts into the milk and try to savor it before the heart attack hits! (You can also stop at the man next to her and pick up a few small skewers of grilled chicken, just in case you need some protein with that sugar)

Despite this wonderland of food, I’ve managed to actually drop a few pounds. As I’ve said before, it’s coming largely from lifestyle – if I want to take the subway or a boat, I walk for 20 minutes. If I want room furnishings or groceries, I walk there then carry things back. If I want to mail something, I walk to the post office. I walk home from work everyday, I walk 10 minutes to do my laundry and, of course, I walk any time that I want to eat something. I have no fridge or kitchen or hot water, so there is always a journey involved.

On top of these things, I’m no longer sitting at a computer all day, I NEVER sit in a car, I’m able to run more than my injuries had allowed over the past two years and, very importantly, my beer consumption has DROPPED. Austin is full of delicious microbrews and relaxed patios that persuade you to just “have one more,” whereas Thailand is full of not-so-tasty Asian beer and crazy karaoke bars. I think it’s for the better!

Enough of my mindless rambling, I’m now starving and am going to go brave the storm – I’m sure that whatever I find will be well worth it!