Going where I’ve never been

One of the most important things to realize in Thailand is that impatience and frustration will get you nowhere! Thais are unfazed when it comes to traffic – they will sit at a light for 30 minutes, repeatedly cut off by weaving motorbikes, food-vendor push carts, masses of pedestrians and tuks tuks driving the wrong way, and not give so much as a sigh. They’ll wait until the end of time for buses, a chance to cross the street or a turn in the checkout line. They never bat at eye at a motorbike flying towards them on a sidewalk – they just step aside. The response to any irritating or unfortunate situation is mai pen rai – never mind, no worries!

I’ve never been too easily irritated – I think I’m pretty patient and generally go with the flow. The Thais put me to shame, but they have also rubbed off on me quite a bit. I mean, really, where do I have to be that is so important? Things in Thailand can always wait, and it’s important to accept that if you’re going to make it here with your sanity intact!

The past few days have presented a few frustrating incidents in terms of coordinating our departure. First, there is the issue of getting our Cambodian visas. The border crossing is notoriously seedy and full of scammers – the best advice I’ve read is to assume that every single person there is trying to cheat you. If you take a tour bus, they will have a well-rehearsed breakdown halfway there, causing you to arrive at an overpriced, out of the way guesthouse at 1 a.m., when you have no choice but to stay. Why? They pay the bus drivers commission on every ‘guest’ that is delivered.

The visa costs $20, but the immigration officials will ask for 1500 baht (about $45). Sometimes you can ignore them and hold out a $20 bill, but generally they will shut the window and ignore you until you pay. This money, of course, goes straight into their pockets. There will be touts telling you that you need to pay to be stamped in (not true), that they have to help you fill out the form (definitely not true) and the driver you end up with will tell you that your guesthouse is full/closed and offer you a list of others (that pay him commission). Basically, there are a lot of potential hurdles when arriving in Cambodia, but most of them can be bypassed with enough research (which, obviously, I’ve been doing a bit too much of).

Because of this research, we’ve decided to be smart and get our visas at the embassy here in Bangkok. We have the time, they won’t overcharge and then we can just walk right over the border, no officials to deal with. Gabe took on the task of heading there yesterday while I was at work. After finding the location on their website, he set off on what is easily a 1-2 hour journey (again, Bangkok requires patience!). He didn’t find an embassy, but he did find a pile of rubble and a sign stating that it was, in fact, the Cambodian embassy. He’s trying again today, thanks to an internet forum that gave the new address which has been in place for nearly two years. Maybe it’s time to update the website?

The next hassle involves my work permit. Thai immigration has put this awesome law into effect where you have to have your work permit cancelled at the immigration office that granted it to you. Then, you have to leave the country the same day or else pay a daily overstay fee (no small sum). Naturally the office opens at 8:30, the process takes a couple of hours (not to mention transport time there and back), and you are left with a very small window of time to get out. This is no accident! I’m sure that the extra revenue stream started flowing with the instatement of this rule…

Of course, I’m determined to pull it off and we should be fine since the bus to Cambodia  only takes four hours. It gets complicated, however, when we throw checking out of our apartment into the mix… The owner won’t let me check out the night before (you can’t stay after room inspection!). He also doesn’t want to do it before 10:00 a.m.(why so early? I’ll be sleeping!), nor is he cool with letting Gabe take care of it while I go to immigration (his passport number isn’t on the paper!). Since the process of returning to check out means that we’d never make it to the border on time, we are resigned to moving out on Monday night and getting a hotel. In Thailand, all you can do in this case is smile agreeably and thank the guy…

The next little issue involves stuff. We’ve got clothing, some dishes, some books and my laptop – things we want to take home but definitely don’t want to travel with. My friend Joe is staying for the next year and offered to let us keep whatever we want in his room, since we’ll be back through Bangkok at the end. It was a great plan, til I found out that he’s leaving town on Friday and won’t be back before we leave. It’d be tough to give up internet access tomorrow,as we’ll have lots of last minute things to take care of, so I asked my friend Jim if he could help out. He was planning to move on Sunday to a new condo and is more than happy to take a bag or two for us. It was going to work out perfectly, until he found out that there are no checkouts on Sunday, so he is now moving Saturday morning. Bottom line is that we’ll now have to plan on finding our way to his new place at some point on Monday, between packing up, checking out and moving to a hotel. Fun.

Part of me wonders if I should have just paid the overstay fee, but then my Thai-side kicks in and reminds me that, honestly, it’s not that big a deal. There are things out there worthy of frustration, but this certainly isn’t it! For all of the strange, backwards ways that many things are done here, the Thais redeem themselves with mai pen rai – the world should take note!

I haven’t written nearly enough about food. Sure, I’ve mentioned plenty of meals and commented on the ‘amazing dinner’ more than a few times, but the food here deserves a dedicated post (or 20). After five months, I still get excited about each and every meal, and still marvel at the ridiculously low costs. I’ve completely adjusted to living without a refrigerator and going out anytime that I want to eat, and purchasing nearly every morsel from a cart on the street doesn’t feel strange at all. For those of you who are interested (cough*blair*cough), here is  a rundown of a few of my favorite delicacies:

*khao neeo ping sai puak – This is the sticky rice confection that I eat for breakfast. No exceptions. It’s made by cooking sticky rice in coconut milk then spreading it onto a banana leaf. Then a ball of soft taro (similar to a potato, but is sweeter and has a purple color) is mixed with palm sugar and placed into the center of the rice. The whole thing is then wrapped up, secured with tiny shards of bamboo and grilled over a makeshift barbeque. Other versions put pieces of banana inside, and still others fill them with sugared black bean paste – you can tell which is which by the style of banana leaf folding. These cost 12 cents apiece and are highly, highly addictive.

* Som Tom – This is the quintessential Thai dish, a salad that is served with nearly every meal, especially in the north. There are variations, but the general preparation involves mixing shredded green papaya, tomatoes, long beans, garlic cloves, dried shrimp, lime juice, palm sugar, fish sauce, carrot shreds, chiles and crushed peanuts into a big wooden mortar and then pounding it together with a pestle. It’s eaten with cabbage (used as a chaser for the spice) and, always, sticky rice. It’s unbelievably fresh and incredibly spicy, though that part can be adjusted. They always ask how many chiles you want and often have you taste it along the way to make sure it’s to your liking. A big bag of this (easily for two people) costs about 80 cents.

* This one I cannot, for the life of me, grasp the name of, but the ladies at the corner  know to make it if I show up at their cart! Gabe can be credited with discovering this dish after he used a little trick call ‘alikerdie’ – the Thai word for “whatever.” It’s useful when you don’t know what someone makes but want to find out firsthand! It’s pretty simple, but amazing – they put big chunks of pork, some sort of bell pepper, whole chiles and huge basil leaves into the wok and quickly fry it with lots of oyster sauce and some other unknown spices in mysterious bottles. It’s scooped onto a pile of rice then topped with a runny fried egg; you then season it with the appropriate amount of fish sauce and sugar and take that first blissful bite while the cooks giggle at the farang’s surprising spice tolerance! (80 cents)

*Roti Gluay – This enters heart attack territory, but with one bite you don’t care.  After finding a guy with a shallow wok and a pile of eggs on a push cart, you smile at him and he gets to work. First comes the oil on the wok, then an impossibly thin but very wide circle of coconut milk batter is poured on top. An egg is cracked on top of that, it’s all spread around and then left to fry for a moment. Next he peels a banana and cuts it up into the center of the batter, following with a sprinkling of sugar. The sides of the batter circle are now firm enough to fold over the banana chunks so that it forms a nice neat square. He lifts it up with his spatula, throws a bit of lard on the wok and fries the thing just a moment longer. He then cuts it into small squares, lifts them all together onto a piece of wax paper, douses the top with sweet condensed milk, sprinkles on more sugar (!!), sticks a wooden eating spear into the center and hands it to you in exchange for 70 cents. Incredible.

*Fruit vendors – Probably the coolest thing about Thailand. These guys walk around with a push cart made up of 3 or four glass cases. Each one is filled with ice and stacked with fresh fruit, all peeled, de-seeded and ready to go. The standard selection is half a pineapple, hefty chunks of watermelon and papaya, and entire guavas, rose apples and pomelos. You choose your fruit (I’m hooked on the pineapple – it’s otherwordly here) and he places it into a small plastic bag. He then takes his huge cleaver and with a few swift whacks (THROUGH the bag, mind you!) your fruit is cut into perfect snack sized bites. The standard wooden spear is stuck into the fruit, you are given a bag of condiment (a mixture of sugar, salt and chile for pineapple, similar variations for the others) and it is handed to you in exchange for 30 cents. This is seriously some of the freshest fruit I’ve ever had, and it comes with a show and ready-to-eat convenience for next to nothing! Perhaps this is the secret to promoting healthy eating?

*While I’m on the topic of fruit, I should mention the smoothies. You can always find someone who will blend together a huge cup of whatever fruit you wish along with some ice and, if you want, a bit of sweet condensed milk. This never costs more than 50 cents on the street (something that would easily cost upwards of $4 anywhere in the states).

*Laab Gai – This is actually the national dish in Laos (I can’t wait!) but is found all over Thailand as well. It’s a spicy salad (salad has nothing to do with lettuce here) made with minced chicken (that’s the ‘gai’ part…it is also made with pork and seafood), green onion, mint leaves, fish sauce, lime juice, ground chiles, lemongrass and ground roasted rice. It’s super fresh, spicier than you’d ever expect, and always eaten with sticky rice! It’s rarely found on the street here (more popular in the north) but I’ve found it at several restaurants for no more than a dollar.

*Thais like to put corn, kidney beans and sweetened sticky rice into their icecream. It’s delicious.

*Oh, the things these people grill on the side of the road! There are Thai sausages, which are generally muu (pork) or pla (fish) with khao (rice) and hidden prik (chiles) used as fillers. They’re never greasy and are always served with extra whole chiles and cabbage/ginger to fight the burn. There are the skewer carts with all sorts of crazy things stacked onto wooden spears – fish balls, pork balls, hot dogs, tofu, bacon wrapped things and many, many variations on these. They are quickly grilled and served with delicious spicy sauce, which makes them all taste the same – like spicy sauce! There are guys that do nothing but skewers of roasted squid – I love it.  There are grilled, roasted and fried chicken legs on every corner (a necessary companion to som tom and sticky rice) and baskets of grilled prawns the size of my hand go for about $2. Skewers of liver are also popular, as Gabe found out the hard way, as are dry-roasted whole fish stuffed with herbs and garlic. These are actually great, but unfortunately I’ve seen the condition of the river in Bangkok and I just can’t do it here… Needless to say, the Thais do not understand vegetarianism.

*Corn – it’s just basic corn on the cob, but it’s hot, buttery and costs about 30 cents for two of them. They even cut it off the cob for you and stick in a small spoon for ease of walk-eating!

It isn’t all great, of course.  There is the aforementioned liver, many curries and ‘point’ places use innards (just look carefully before you point!), a lady downstairs does bullfrogs and I’ve seen more than a few dessert vendors that have trays of fried grasshoppers and roaches mixed among the coconut-y treats! I’ve heard rumors of rat, but I have a feeling that those sorts of things will get much more prevalent in northern Thailand (not to mention Cambodia!!). Overall, however, food is one of the most wonderful things about this place, and will absolutely be the most missed aspect of my experience here. I’m not quite sure how I’ll adjust initially once I’m back home…

I plan to get better about taking photos of these foods, as I know that I’ll want them and I figure that some of you would like to see what I’m talking about.  I’ve got a LOT more to add to this, but it’ll have to wait a day or two – right now I need dinner!

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