SS Elliotte
In the hunt for female Elliottes, I figured it’s best to start close to home.
So, who keeps track of all the Elliottes in the United States?
What secretive, potentially evil government agency has a database that will reveal the female Elliottes of the world with a click of a mouse?
Mulling this over, I ran across my meager paycheck and found the answer – Social Security.
Everyone in the United States legally, and plenty of folks here illegally, has to have a 9-digit SS number.
When I started working, I burned my number into my brain. Other American female Elliottes out there must have done the same.
Light bulb – SS Elliotte could be the answer!
Time to hunt. A quick search brought me to the Social Security Web site, and a toll-free number to call with questions:
1-800-772-1213 (open 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. in Spanish and English. People who are deaf or hard of hearing, call 1-800-325-0778)
Quick clock check – 6:15 p.m. – still open!
After wading through 15 minutes of automated messages (I really hate those things) and punching my S.S. number into the service (here comes a tax audit), I finally reached a human being – Sharon.
I eagerly explained my situation:
“Hello, my name is Elliotte. I need to find women of my kind – the rare female Elliotte. Everyone has a Social Security number, including these unique individuals. Can’t you just do a quick search to tell me how many female Elliottes are out there?”
“Uh, ma’am, are you joking?”
“No, I am on the hunt for S.S. Elliotte.”
pregnant pause – “Ma’am, we don’t do that. I can’t find out how many Elliottes there are. We only search by numbers. I need nine digits, not a first name and gender. This is the wrong place for you.”
“Oh. Really? I thought Social Security knew everything. Do you know who can help me?”
“No ma’am, I don’t.”
“Ok, maybe I’ll call the FBI, or the IRS. Thanks.”
Quick search of the FBI site:
The FBI can be contacted twenty-four hours a day, every day. Here’s how:
FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C.
Call (202) 324-3000
What’s behind door number two?
Tags: Female Elliottes, Female Elliottes
Virago Vagabond