Sweden at Warp Speed.
Six years ago, when I first visited Europe (and Sweden), I remember being quickly charmed by the lifestyle – the easy pace, focus on quality of life, the rather forward and open nature of conversation, the care in which building and landscape were given. For six years I built a mental idealization of this part of the world and vowed that I would come back in time to live it.
Six years later, here I am in Sweden, ‘living it’. Or rather, some version of ‘it’ – as it would seem, this ideal in my mind sweetened over time and turned utopian when I wasn’t paying attention. Actually, it’s not to say that this lifestyle I mentioned doesn’t exist (in the best moments): it’s just that I don’t expect to have a good taste of it anytime soon, not with this massive (expletive) load of work we have to get through.
Right, now that utopia has been properly parted with, time to account for life within this past month. Rather than narrate in a long sequence of events, I’ll write down the highlights…. ugh, I’ve already become organized and boring from writing about business all day long.
The Abode
My new home is in a residence on the grounds of a bible school. Which means that I live in a bible school residence. Which also means that God precedes over the internet (which works in random spurts), the atmosphere (eerily slient at times), and quite possibly the weather (menopausal: rain then cloud then sun then…).
Perception is all a matter of contrast. And so when I mention that, upon arrival, we were placed in a temporary residence (former office space next to bars) with very few amenities (2 showers for 40 people, army cots as beds for some, no wardrobe, shared rooms, a kitchen with 4 microwaves and 2 fridges only), God’s resort seemed less like the purgatory of the first two weeks. Infact, God’s resort is fully furnished with a shared bathroom between two people, has 2 fully stocked kitchens for fewer people, a sauna and free laundry. God’s resort also boasts a stunning lake view. And at a price of $380 per month paid at month’s END, I was salivating all over the bible.
Today, nearly two weeks later at God’s resort: I can stand the frequent Christian rock moments and biblical movie nights – I’m holed up in my room anyhow pounding out paper after paper on the computer – but I’m starting to wear thin a little on this no alcohol policy. No booze! A puritan dream! But I’m so confused, after all, isn’t this the raison d’etre of Europeans, even Christian ones? Is prayer really enough? How can I spend a night forgetting all that I have to do if my mind is crystal clear? Is there any escapist fun to be had?
I look forward to a room that’s coming available in 2 months, living with Dutch/Bosnian friend Senka: we’ll have to have a great big pisser and paint the town red when that moment comes.
The School
Jonkoping University is situated on a tiny campus, only one square kilometre by generous estimate. The buildings are minimalistic, bright and fully functional: fully Swedish. Fully lacking in any major detail that you can poke fun at. Except.
My only grievance thus far is that the business building is built in the shape of a circle, which is too confusing to navigate before one’s morning coffee. And there are windows in all the classroom doors, which makes the accidental extra lap of the building conspicuous to all inside. The whole thing feels like ‘Groundhog Day’ if you’re not paying attention.
There are additional buildings, coffee drinkering holes, a library thingy and more auditorium thingy-ma-bobs: but who has time to care with all the work dumped on our heads? This is Jonkoping University: entrepeneurially-minded in its management, and evidently we are their little brand babies. “Master students in Entrepreneurial Management, let’s show the world what we can do!” And so they selected 39 of us lab rats from all over the world, and they’re now flushing out the details of the curriculum in year 2 of its existence. We have 4 modules to complete in 8 weeks that would normally be completed in 16 weeks in N. America. And after that, we get to do it 3 more times over for each successive quarter. It’s the most elaborate enema of its kind.
In between the blood, sweat and tear moments I feel like I’m learning something. But I’ll report back for sure in a year’s time when I have time to absorb it.
The Town and People
Jonkoping is a one-horse town. It looks bigger on a map. When you arrive, you realize that outside the 3 squared km city centre, it fades quickly into countryside. That’s where I live, far from the comfy cosmopolitan centres of Toronto and Taipei. Far from anything convenient, really.
Everything closes early here and without warning. The booze store (like the LCBO) opens when it wants to and closes as you’re walking in the door. Not that anyone can afford to buy anything there anyhow: with 25% tax, we sip slowly. Bottles of wine run about $3-4 dollars more than at home. On a student budget, that makes a difference in the long run.
And so with their zero-tolerance policy on drugs (pot is a narcotic! whaaaa!) and rip-roaring prices to buy booze, the Swedes make the best of their drinking time and get completely obliterated, every time. This tradition doesn’t even wear thin in one’s 30’s – the goal of the night is to forget it ever happened. In the bar, this means that ‘excuse me’ translates into a shove, and if you don’t yield, a second and third one. I actually received a full-on headbutt from a guy who acted thereafter as if I deserved it.
And then there’s the epitomy of Swedish bar fun, which has happened a few times over so I know its not my imagination: at some point during the night, the DJ switches the pace to something ABBA-esque and the crowd gets whipped up into a fury. It’s like moshing in a flower patch. Boys and girls falling all over each other, pushing and jumping around, vomiting and slipping on the vomit – all to sickenly sweet melodic disco fun. It’s so warped and yet, so fascinating!
Then the morning arrives and it becomes evident why everyone here looks so young: it’s their poker face. Happy? Straight face. Disappointed? Straight faced. Curious, hopeful, enlightened or livid? Same. There’s not even opportunity for a wrinkle to form. It’s a Botox clinician’s nightmare. The only way to crack the rock is to ask for help. And then, all of a sudden, you’re meet with a Colgate-fresh grin, and a shiny attitude. The clouds even part. It’s such a dichotomy.
….Groceries now call, which is the usual “try to make something tasty and healthy out of the cheapest possible combination of foods”. (3 Dutch people have refered to my cereal as ‘dogfood’ on separate occassions.) And one would have to eat portions fit for an elf to keep the grocery budget in line with Canada. I cringe to consider the bill after 10 months of this.
Well – hope your days are slower and warmer in your respective parts of the world – and at 8C here, global warming is happening in all the wrong places.
Swedishly,
Laura
Tags: Swedish Living
henney22
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