Part 10: The waiting game
So here I am. All caught up on the past and trying to sort out my future. And now, suddenly, writing has become difficult. If only it were as easy to figure out what would happen in the next few weeks as it was to write about what’s happened in the last few. It’s funny, sometimes I still feel like I’m a kid, and that other people my age have got on with their lives and figured out what they want out of it all. I’ve got friends who’ve gotten married, others who are beginning amazing careers, and sometimes I think I’m over here chasing windmills. I thought life would sort itself out on its own when I was growing up. I thought that even if I didn’t know right away what I wanted to do when I went to college, surely it would become obvious to me by the time I graduated. Well, I’m still waiting. At what point have these other people figured out what they want to do with their lives? I at least know I can’t be the only one who is scared and confused about the future, because another fellow confused lives in the same house as me. I have to remind myself from time to time that I’m still young and there’s plenty of time to figure everything out, or at least to figure out today and let tomorrow take care of itself, but at other times I can’t help but compare myself to my own parents, my brother, and practically everyone else I know for that matter, next to who I’m looking more and more like a black sheep with every passing day.
For now, though, all I can really do is wait. Tomorrow is the second interview at Amazon, and until I find out how I do in that, there’s nothing I can do. But considering I have a flight booked to go back to Florida two weeks from tomorrow, I am hoping that whatever happens will happen fast. All this waiting and wondering is slowly killing me and I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. I have all this time on my hands to think about every little thing that could happen, whether I stay or if I go, and none of my options are really looking that rosy after going over them with a fine-toothed comb for the fifty-millionth time.
In the meantime, I’m getting stupidly excited about going home. Six months doesn’t sound like a lot in my head, but it feels like I have been gone absolutely ages! In reality I think this trip has gone by really quickly, but at the same time I feel like when I get home so much will have changed. I can’t wait to get back on a beach and get some color back in my skin. And palm trees! Oh, how I miss them! I’m so smitten with getting back to this perfect Florida that I left behind that I’ve forgotten why I was so eager to leave in the first place. There’s so much I miss, and some stuff I don’t, but I can’t wait to get back even if it turns out to be a vacation rather than a return home. And best of all, Kevin will be coming with me to sample the sun, the gators, the key lime pie, and a slice of real Florida life. Come what may, for those two weeks, at least, I will be one very happy girl.
Tags: Travel
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